tl;dr boyfriend made me feel like I was being dramatic about getting stung by wasps all over my body. How do I tell him that I feel let down and hurt by his reaction to my pain.
I still can’t believe this happened to me. Especially because I have a massive fear of bees and wasps. Last night I was stung around 13 times from my ankles to my upper back and the sting sites are still really sore. But now I’m feeling insecure about my relationship because I feel like my bf didn’t really care and is still dismissing it.
When it happened I was with my bf having a smoke in a car park. I was stood beneath a tree and I must have stood on a nest, I have no idea. But I felt a sudden, electrocuting pain in both my ankles, my right thumb , and then suddenly my legs, stomach, chest and back. I panicked and took my shoes off in this random car park and I figured out quite quickly that I had stinging insects inside my pants and my long sleeved shirt.
I was violently rustling my shirt and shaking my legs, trying to get whatever the hell out of my clothes. And I’m trying to explain, while in burning pain, to my boyfriend what I think is happening. I’m asking him for help, telling him I’m being stung by bugs that are in my clothes and that my entire body is on fire. This whole time he is just.. standing there. Completely speechless and repeating “I can’t help you” and “I don’t know”. Acting completely confused and looking at me like I’m an idiot. I understand that the situation is completely crazy. But there was no alarm or any sense of urgency from him. My cries didn’t trigger any alarm from him, he even seemed delighted by the ordeal at one point. But what hurt the most was the lack of comfort from him. At no point in the car park did he comfort me or actually ask what I needed. He sort of just stood there and watched me dance around.
I was in so much pain all around my body. I thought the only thing I could do was take all my clothes off and I ran into the pub across from the car park. I went straight to the bathroom and stripped down completely. The sting sites were swelling and I just sat there while my body felt like I was on fire. I was afraid that whatever stung me was not a wasp and something more dangerous. So I called my bf from the bathroom crying and I begged him to come to the bathroom. He refused, fair enough, but when I asked him to tell a staff member, he refused to do that too. I’ve always known him to be extremely shy, but I really felt like I needed at least some water or ice, but he just kept saying he can’t help me while I’m in the bathroom.
I sat there naked for about 20 minutes. Still in a lot of pain, sweating like crazy and him telling me I need to get out of the bathroom because there’s a queue. I didn’t give a fuck man, I was burning everywhere. Eventually I put my clothes back on, still in pain and left the bathroom to find him with two pints. I sat down and I’m still crying, but he just seems completely oblivious, maybe even annoyed at me? I felt like I needed someone to tell me that I was going to be okay and that I’m doing good, that Im tough, I’m a legend. But all he can say are things like “I’ve been stung by a bee and you’re lucky it wasn’t a bee” and “oh your stings are tiny”. He has a doctorate in physiology and he said that he knows what real pain is, when hes pushed athletes to their maximum. I felt like he was talking to me as if I were being dramatic about the situation. I just told him that I wished he could get stung by wasps all over his body, so he could know what I’m going through.
I was still in pain and he asked me if I could get up and get us a pint. I said I couldn’t, and he demanded I pay for our next pints. I did promise to buy the next drinks (before the stinging) and I just kept explaining that I’m still in pain. I couldn’t even think straight. But it felt like he became a lot more animated and passionate when he wanted to talk about me owing him money for pints. It felt very different to his cold and distant stare while I was screaming in horror in the car park.
Fast forward to this morning, the pain is subsided but the actual sting sites are still burning, but a lot more localised now. And he is still talking to me as if I am being dramatic about the pain. I told him that I felt like I couldn’t trust him to take care of me when I really needed him. And he keeps responding that there was nothing he could do. No comfort from him, no kisses, hugs. The LEAST I needed was some empathy from him. Maybe even reassurance of how tough I am for it. Nothing. It was only until I started getting annoyed that he jumped on me in bed.
I’m feeling pretty alone and emotionally damaged by the whole situation. I have depression and it took a lot of effort for me to go out last night, so I just feel stupid and embarrassed that I ended up going through my worst nightmare when I finally got out. I also just feel like my bf just hates me because his reaction to me in pain felt very belittling. I don’t know exactly how to communicate to him that I really needed emotional support and a sense of urgency or action from him. And that I’m hurt by his responses to my pain.
Comments
Oh my God. This is just horrific. You’re lucky you didn’t have an anaphylactic reaction and die. There is so much wrong with what happened that I can’t write it all. I’m going to condense it to this: do not waste one more day on this psychopath. Do not allow him to emotionally damage you any more than he already has. Please, please, please love yourself enough to leave him.
Beyond aloof. Selfish and neglectful. Imagine him as a dad. Absolutely hopeless (not being sarcastic)
Why are you with him? He is not sympathetic, nor helpful when you need it. A person like him is not someone you can count on as a partner. Deep down you know the answer what to do next.
I would normally never jump straight to break up… but you should break up with this man. You are not overreacting. His response was disgusting and it won’t get better. I grew up with a dad like this, who was either indifferent to my pain or even sometimes laughed at it, and have also had several boyfriends who were unsympathetic when I was sick or in pain and it’s incredibly hurtful, and not something you need or want in your life. Literally one of the most important factors to having a partner in life should be that they help you when you need them. Dump him and don’t look back.
You experienced what’s got to be one of your biggest fears (and were in terrible physical pain to boot), and he was MEAN TO YOU?! Fucking dump him. I guarantee you can do better.
Tough man talking about athletes physical pain, yet to shy to talk to staff. I can’t even believe it’s a real story, it’s beyond ridiculous.
Almost had a stroke reading this because my sole allergy is bees. Damn, I would have dragged myself to the bar just for a pitcher of honey to pour on him and unleashed all the bees with a smile sipping on a cold pint telling him to quit his whining because he was ruining the soccer game for everyone else. So inconsiderate when a game’s on. Douchebag
Never call that guy again. You should literally ghost his ass. He can’t and won’t take care of you, and that’s what a relationship is- you take care of each other. He isn’t fit to be a romantic partner, or probably a partner to anyone in anything. He sounds sociopathic or something.
Here’s the thing. Life is a journey, and there’s stuff like wasp stings, childbirth, illnesses, and broken legs along the way. Choosing a long term partner means picking one you’d want to go through the zombpocalypse with. I would not want to go through an inconvenience with your dude, much less a Life Event.
His reaction was shockingly dismissive, and you were in legitimate distress, and he failed you as a partner. This isn’t just about wasps; it’s about him lacking basic empathy and urgency when you needed support. If he can’t acknowledge that or apologize sincerely, rethink if this is someone you can rely on in crises.