My bf (M31) and I (F30) live together and have two cats. We just celebrated our three year anniversary two days ago. My bf has been in a pretty bad mood for the past week or so. Just very irritable and getting mad over really small things. He also was also in a bad mood for our anniversary. I’ve been trying to give him some slack because he’s been trying to quit marijuana this week so I thought that was why he was in a bad mood.
This morning, I woke up and my bf was in the shower. My phone hadn’t gotten on the charger right and had died so I opened my bf’s phone internet browser to check the weather since it looked like it was going to rain. It opened to a private browser from yesterday with the search, “My girlfriend is beautiful but I still find other girls more attractive.” I have no idea what searches were made before that or what he was looking at or anything.
I had to leave for work while he was still in the shower and won’t see him until I get home later tonight but I am devastated. I sobbed my entire way to work. I’m not naive enough to think that my bf doesn’t find other people attractive. Just the fact that he very, very clearly finds others more attractive than me is extremely hurtful. Plus it bothers him enough for him to be searching about it. I’m a decently attractive person and take care of myself. I know that I’m not a “perfect 10” or anything but I’m still pretty. If it bothers him this much now how much worse is it going to get as we both continue to age?
I’ve been sitting at my desk pretty miserable. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to ever get that search out of my head. Part of me doesn’t want to talk to him about it because I don’t want to hear my bf talk about how much more attractive other women are. Plus, I feel guilty for looking at something I clearly wasn’t supposed to see. Is this a salvageable relationship? Is this going to work if he’s already feeling this way only three years in when we’re still young?
TD;LR: I (F30) saw an internet search my bf (M31) of three years made about finding other women more attractive than me. Can a relationship go on when someone feels like that?