I recently found out that my husband cheated on me with the girlfriend of a couple we both know because we live in the same neighbourhood. It happend during a time period of 2 years, even while I was pregnant and even while she was pregnant. We have a son and they also have a son but he is a year younger. They didn’t have sex but they hooked up for at least 10 times and did foreplay.
I love my family and I love my son so so so much and it really breaks my heart to see him in periods if we decide to break up. I also don’t know where to go, we live together for 4 years now. If I decide to stay with him, it’s really because I want to keep the family together. My boyfriend is really upset about what happened and wants to prove that I can trust him. But you can imagine my trust was kind of destroyed. I really want to give him a chance but if I decide to give him a chance, I put myself on the second place.
Are there people here who have been through the same and what did you decide? Thank you 🙂
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Tell him to come clean with the girls partner. Prove he will actually do anything
Wait what?? To see your son in periods? Why? And your bf?
Sorry to hear what you go through. He was cheating on you behind your back. Did he ever confess to you about this? Or you found it out yourself?
Do you have both a husband and a boyfriend?
End it. He cheated for years. Your son is better off not being raised by a loveless couple modeling putting up with each other
It’s only a true apology if there’s changed behavior. If you think that you want to work on it, then you both need counseling. Not just as a couple, but individually too. At the end of the day, you have to do what you think is best for yourself and your child.
> They didn’t have sex but they hooked up for at least 10 times and did foreplay.
You really believe he would stop at foreplay at least 10 times? I doubt it.
If he was having sex with her while pregnant, he was probably having sex with her before she was pregnant. There is a chance her baby could be his.
I’d inform her partner first, get her baby DNA tested and make an exit plan (with help from a family lawyer).
No way that affair was ongoing that long and didn’t have sex. He’s a liar. Her son may be his. Talk to the AP boyfriend see what he knows. Ultimately he is not that upset if it went on that long. Leave.
husband AND boyfriend?
Couple of things here, staying together for the “family” and being unhappy isn’t teaching your son healthy love or how relationships work. He’ll pick up in the power dynamic at a very young age. Secondly, adults don’t just have “foreplay” ten times, they fuck. Sorry, you need to hear it. This is cheaters do, they breadcrumb and give snippets of truth until you give up…. More importantly, cheaters cheat. If, IF this was “only” ten times and the first time, it will happen again. They only get better at hiding it. He had a LOT of time to correct his mistakes or feel bad. Instead he went back 9 times. Something’s to think about.
Here is what you know.
He lies, he cheats, he trickle truths. This is a fact.
Here is what you hope for, that he becomes honest, trustworthy and dependable. This is what you hope for.
Now the question remains, would you start dating him knowing what you know about his character, without you two having a kid together.
If the answer is yes, you give it a try, if no, you decide not to throw good money after bad.
Unfortunately you are better off parting ways.
Your son should learn that you don’t keep a woman by disrespecting her. That man doesn’t deserve your partnership nor do you deserve to always wonder if he is cheating again etc.
I have an extremely hard time believing they never had sex, I hiiiighly doubt it.
He put your health and your pregnancy at risk by cheating & clearly does not have enough respect for you.
It’s not even like it was a one-off accident. He did it continuously
You can break up now or you can break up later after years of resentment & fights
up to you
Has he ended the relationship with the affair partner and give completely no contact? What proof do you have that the affair is over? Why is he wanting to stay with you? What did he learn about himself while in the affair? What did the affair mean to him? Why did he cheat? What does he think he will do differently to affair proof your relationship? Will he be fully transparent about everything he does? Has he answered every question you have? Will he not keep any secrets? Share locations? What security is he offering to rebuild your trust? Does he speak badly about the AP now or does he still speak fondly about her?
For me I wanted to know everything because I could not forgive blindly. My husband hated sharing everything but did it because he knew I needed it to move forward. Even still we lived apart for 2 years while I struggled with trying to forgive him and trying to decide to reconcile. It took lots of counseling for me to be able to forgive my husband and with counseling we were able to rebuild a new relationship. He still struggles with forgiving himself and hates what he did to me and our 4 kids. But honestly. I was prepared to be a single parent. If he hadn’t changed, I would not still be here. He had to change jobs, change the way he did things, be more open and accountable. It was a humbling experience for him. He went and apologized to my family and friends for his betrayal. But he fought to keep us together. It’s an ugly episode in our marriage but we’re still together 23 years later.
With your heart. Take your time. Reclaim your purpose, your identity and treat yourself with compassion. Your heart needs to heal b4 its ready to return to the marriage.
Whether you stay or go is up to you but make certain he is sincerely remorseful and that he is willing to do EVERYTHING to prioritize you. Behavior is a language so read his actions because his words are untrustworthy. Take your time. Don’t make it easy on him. Relationship is work. He better be ready to work hard.
Naw girl, leave. He lied to you about the mount of times he was with her. The only reason he came clean it was probably because that girls husband must have told them he was going to tell you.
Lawyer up! Get away from him. Lover yourself more. He ain’t sh1t