I f35 and my boyfriend m37 live and have been together officially for 4 years but known each other for almost 12. I have been off birth control for almost 2 years now due to health reasons and working with a Dr to get myself healthy and regulate my hormones/body.
M37 has always been a hard no with marriage and kids and loves to have his “me time”. This could include hunting, fishing or riding etc. I f35 have told him that the longer we are together it’s something I want more. We have our typical arguments here and there. But the commitment and future is always a hard subject for him. He isn’t very emotional and usually his way of dealing with things is “my way or the highway”.
Well we had sex recently and usually use protection or pull out. This time we were both under the influence and having a great time and well it happened.
I only found out a few days ago and still in shock.
Due to my health reasons I always thought I couldn’t get pregnant but after a Dr visit they confirmed everything looks great and road looks clear.
It’s still very early (6weeks) so anything can still happen.
My boyfriend is saying I bamboozled him and didn’t look at my ovulation calendar and he is making it clear he does not want me to go through this. His reasons are we aren’t financially and emotionally not ready. But is anyone?!
My natural instinct is to keep the baby since this may by my only chance at a healthy pregnancy. I have a great support system and as hard as it will be I’m willing to let him walk away with no strings attached. I know he wouldn’t actually do that but I’m giving him an out if he is that certain he does not want this.
This is causing a big silent conflict with us right now. And again. It’s still super early I could have a miscarriage at anytime. I wouldn’t be a high risk pregnancy but I would just need to be a little extra mindful regulating my hormones and exercise to not push my body too far.
Now mind you. I’ve brought up him getting a vasectomy many times before to protect him if he was so certain he didn’t want kids and his excuse was “no one is touching my balls”
I know ultimately this is my decision since it’s my body. I’m pretty certain I have made up my mind that as long as the pregnancy is healthy I would let nature take its course.
We’re not teenagers or live with our parents. We are grown adults both with good full time jobs. We rent out own 2 bedroom place with a dog and take care of ourselves pretty well.
Sure we are going to have to cut back on things and budget a lot more for this baby but we knew the risks of having unprotected sex at any point.
What are your thoughts?
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Don’t kill your pre born child because of your selfish non committed boyfriend
Bro bamboozled himself when he chose not to wear a condom. Don’t count on raising this baby with him, but if you want to keep it, that’s entirely your choice.
ultimately it’s your body and your choice. if he doesn’t respect that…. that’s pretty indicative
Frankly, our thoughts don’t really matter here.
His thought, which does matter, is that he’d rather not go through with this. So if you choose to go to term, you’ll in all likelihood wind up raising this child alone. That’s a tough road, so think long and hard about it as you proceed.
Wish you good luck and good health!
Its either him or motherhood. You can’t have both when he clearly wants nothing to do with marriage and children.
Yup, if he didn’t want a kid he could have gotten a vasectomy 🤷🏻♀️
Just remember he may fight for custody and you may have to send your kid to him.
What kind of a father will he be if you’re not around to protect the child?
If you want your baby you keep the baby. He’s free to take you up on your offer and if that doesn’t work for him then it’s time to make some changes and be a father to the baby he created. No one bamboozled him and he doesn’t have many options here.
He can’t “my way or the highway” this one.
Choose the child. Kick him to the curb.
If he didn’t want a kid he probably should have had a vasectomy. You should make whichever decision feels best for you know. But look at the worst case for both. One option is get an abortion and potentially resent your boyfriend for it. Which means eventually you break up. The other is have a baby, but do so as a single mom who is entirely on their own. Those are the options. Something else may happen, but assume it’s worst case both ways.
I think you decided already to go for it! You got this. Will you resent him if you abort and can’t have a child down the road?
Honestly this is about you and your baby. He can decide where he wants to fit into this all but you have to decide for only you and the baby. Be prepared for any outcome that he decides in your decision and own it.
You got this
You didn’t bamboozle him; you both willingly had unprotected sex. If you want to keep the baby, you should. Otherwise you will always resent him, especially if he ends up leaving you (which seems pretty likely given his anti marriage, anti commitment stance). Give him the opportunity to walk away and sign over his rights or be in the child’s life if he chooses. Honestly, it seems like you two are not a great match since you both want very different things. It’s better to end things amicably now.
If you want the baby keep the baby. It sounds like you’ve always wanted to be a mother. Don’t do something you’ll look back on and regret.
Don’t expect anything from that man if you want to keep the baby and consider a clean break up if needed.
It will only cost resentment over time.
Please tell him to shut up and stop pretending to be a victim when he’s not even wanted to go through a vasectomy.
Don’t let someone bully you into a decision you don’t want to make. No one made him not use protection. If he didn’t want kids, he shouldn’t be having sex. He could have gotten snipped, he could have worn a condom – he did none of those things. No one to blame but himself. Do what you want to do.
Men like him bother me. He could have gotten a vasectomy. Anyway you know your options and you are aware he doesn’t want the baby. So good luck with what you choose
Cant have your cake and eat it too life ain’t made that way
this sounds like a fragile man to me. I believe you should keep the baby if you want to! you have a strong support system and are definitely old and mature enough to handle bringing a child into this world and as you said it might be your only chance to. if he doesn’t want to be a father i don’t really see a way the you guys could stay together unfortunately. he should’ve had a vasectomy if he didn’t want children that bad. i’ve seen many girls raise a child on their own with family support, all that matters is that a child grows up with love and being wanted. what will not end up good is if a child is raised with a father that never wanted kids, he may resent the child if forced to parent.
Neither of you was using birth control it’s no surprise that you eventually got pregnant. Pulling out is not birth control it’s a lie people tell themselves to make unprotected sex ok in the moment.
He needs to quit bitching about the pregnancy it is a natural consequence of unprotected sex. He is accountable for not controlling his own fertility.
You were also irresponsible and failed to take steps to control your fertility.
You need to look at this situation in a clear eyed way. Having this baby will not make the three of you a happy family.
You are more likely to be stuck with this guy on the periphery of your life who resents you and your child.
Consider having an abortion unless you are 100% committed to raise your child as a single mother.
Whether he stays or goes you will most likely be a single mother. The lion’s share of work of raising a child will fall on you. You will also bear most of the expenses of child rearing.
Good luck.
>His reasons are we aren’t financially and emotionally not ready. But is anyone?!
Yes, many people are before having children. Everything else aside, this isn’t a bad point especially since your response to it implies he’s correct and you aren’t financially or emotionally ready.
You are good I understand you’re in a really difficult situation. I raised two kids by myself and it’s not easy. But like you said this may be your one chance to have a baby. Give it a lot of thought and do what you want don’t take into consideration what he wants because it’s not his body and he’s not the one who would be carrying this baby.
If you’ve decided that you want to continue with the pregnancy, now is the time to start saving up so you can move out before the baby comes. Who is your support network outside of your partner? Can you talk to them and plan an exit?
This man has shown you who he is and told you he does not want to be a parent. Do not hold your breath for him to change his mind. Do not put his name on the birth certificate, do not give the child his last name. And frankly, don’t give him any notice that you plan to leave him. The “silent conflict” and accusing you of deceiving him to get pregnant raises serious alarms to me. I’m guessing this guy has multiple firearms. You do not want to be anywhere near him when you’re as big as a house and can barely run.
I don’t mean to be an alarmist. I’ve been in abusive relationships before and have seen how chill guys can turn unrecognizable. Pregnancy is such a vulnerable time. You deserve to be surrounded with people who love and support your decision. Best of luck.
Your BF is immature and selfish. Hopefully he steps up and man up.
He’s 37, he knows how babies are made, he knows how an ovulation calendar works, he knows you’re not on birth control at the moment, he usually pulls out or uses protection, yet somehow you bamboozled him and got pregnant? Wow, that’s an amazing story he’s telling himself, how special is he that his sperm magically made you pregnant this one time you were a bit buzzed and he had nothing to do with it! SARCASM. You didn’t accidentally get pregnant, you got pregnant because you routinely don’t use adequate protection, and this time your lack of planning resulted in a pregnancy, so there’s that. He’s a grown man, he could have used a condom, he could have got a vasectomy, he could have used a spermicide, he could have pulled out, he could have declined to have sex, he could have ejaculated responsibly, so many options, why is it your fault and therefore your responsibility? Hopefully once the initial reaction has worn off he will calm down and behave like a mature, caring, person or you might be doing this on your own.
If I can be blunt, your boyfriend sounds terrible. Are you sure about bringing a child into this world with a man who refuses to have any accountability for the choices he makes? Relationships are built on mutual desire to be with one another and the ability to compromise. What has he compromised on? He still gets the benefits of having a wife without having to get married. You want a husband and a family. This man doesn’t want that. There is a difference between values. You are the one making all the sacrifices in this relationship. You sacrificed your body and health to prevent pregnancy. You ask him to get a simple freaking procedure to permanently prevent pregnancy (which he said he wanted). However, he said no.
I am a firm believer in looking at men’s actions rather than flowery words. His actions show he isn’t a reliable partner. His actions show he is a selfish and self-centered person. His actions show that he wants the live -in wife (without the legal recognition), with sex and other relationship intimacy, but refuses to give you the legal title.
Moving on to his response to an unplanned pregnancy. Why the fuck is it your sole responsibility to prevent pregnancy? Any loving partner would work with you to find a solution to avoid children. If he didn’t want kids, then his dusty behind should have taken steps to get sterilized. Why do men seem to forget that having sex can result in pregnancy every single damn time? If he were serious, then he would have had the vasectomy rather than watch the woman he loves take birth control that was messing with her health.
I cannot tell you what the best decision is that you can live with. However, I view birthing a child for a man as one of the single greatest acts of love that a woman can do for a man. Childbirth can be beautiful and magical, but it’s also difficult and a sacrifice both physically and mentally. I wouldn’t have a child with a man who doesn’t treat me like I am one of the most precious human beings that he has in his life.
Glad I kept my unplanned pregnancy. She’s amazing.
Be prepared to do this yourself. Just seems weird. You wanted to procreate with this guy who adamantly had a different trajectory for his future than you and didn’t want kids, although did nothing to prevent it. Anything at 35 and above is considered advanced maternal age, and you are at higher risk of complications. Him gaslighting you and blaming you for this is diabolical. You didn’t get yourself pregnant he got you pregnant. You both made poor choices. From what you described, you are not exactly compatible and want different things fundamentally. This also puts you at a high risk for domestic violence. While you’re correct that this could be your last chance to have children., take everything into consideration as well and make the decision that’s best for you and you only. He should not be a factor in this as he may not be present. You should also have a back up plan of where to go should you need to leave. Start saving your money. Make sure it’s separate from anything he has access to immediately.
To your choice but he has been clear he doesn’t want kids. If you see yourself raising it alone, I would suggest you consider having the baby
Do not let a man make this decision for you. No matter what, do not let him gaslight you into thinking he has control over your body now after he chose to not wear a condom and finish inside you. Whatever you decide, make sure it is a decision you are making for yourself.
It’s your choice. I’m in my mid-20s and just went through a similar situation. Only difference is my ex and I were already broken up and didn’t know each other very well when I found out I was pregnant. We had only dated a few weeks. He has so far decided to have basically no involvement. The one thing I’ll say is, be careful assuming you have a great support system. In the early days, a ton of people made promises of support, seemed excited about the baby, and offered to help me with anything. As the pregnancy went on, I was more and more alone. My baby is now about a month old and I have had some help but not nearly as much as most people get. I’m more exhausted than I have ever been and I’m financially in a pretty precarious situation since I will likely not receive child support or have to jump through MANY hoops to get even a small amount. I have no regrets on my end. I love my daughter more than anything in this world. However, I went into this pregnancy overconfident with very unrealistic expectations because friends and family were offering support that they didn’t follow through on. It’s wonderful if you genuinely do have a great support system and lots of help. Just prepare to do a lot on your own because you never know who you can truly count on until you’re in the thick of it.
this relationship is 100% over no matter how this shakes out imo. if you keep it, he leaves bc he’ll resent you for “trapping” him. if you don’t keep it, you’ll leave bc you’ll resent him for taking away this chance. if you miscarry you’ll resent him for it and he’ll take his chance to dip out. do what you want to do for your future and just know he won’t be and shouldn’t be in it.
Please consider turning off your messages on Reddit. As you navigate this decision you will likely get messages from people giving you their opinions, which may be unkind in nature. You have so much to decide, and family planning services may be able to offer you counseling if you feel you need it.
You guys have wanted fundamentally different things for a while now. Honestly you should have broken up a long time ago and not wasted each other’s time. Sometimes love isn’t a good enough reason to stay together. You can still love each other and be apart because forcing one into different they don’t want neither of you would be happy… making him do the marriage and family thing when it had always been a hard no he won’t be happy. You giving up marriage and family for him will lead to you not being happy. The only logical solution is to break up. Hard yes but if you love someone don’t you want them to have everything they want out of life.
With or without the baby you guys should probably go your separate ways so you can reach find what you really want and need in a partner without the all our nothing aspect.
Start looking at the practicalities right now – where you’ll live and how you’ll afford childcare, as the most major ones, since you’re almost certainly going to be raising this child as a single parent. That’s perfectly all right, but with him adamant about not having marriage or children, that means that having this child means choosing them over a disinterested and possibly resentful father. Get the legal paperwork set up with a parenting plan and child support as soon as you can, since that’s going to be important. It’s going to be difficult, but it is doable to raise a kid on your own, particularly since you have a support system that you can turn to.
You want this baby so keep it. F him. Expect that you will be doing it alone but that is really ok! You can do it, especially with a good support system.
Basically your relationship is over. You need to decide if you are going to do this solo, or choose to terminate.
you’re both getting old, if he’s not ready now, he never will be or it will be too late
You said you’re not teenagers, but someone needs to remind your boyfriend of that. Babies happen when you have sex, especially unprotected and without taking medical steps at prevention. He wanted to FA— literally— and it looks like he just FO.
Your body your choice of course but a couple of things you should probably keep in mind
> we are going to have to cutback on things
Who’s we? He ain’t doing anything girl. From the description it’s clear you’ll have to deal with it by yourself, I’d say the most you can get out of him will be child support if you take him to court. And if he doesn’t leave as you believe he won’t, he won’t be a great father, be ready to deal with all that on top of being pregnant or postpartum.
You know this guy has been unsure of commitment, you want marriage in the future, so why did you stay with him?
He’s also not emotional and bad at handling problems. So what did you get out of this relationship? Is it the classic “I can change him” bullshit? You’re both not compatible you should have broken up.
Make sure you’re realistic about what it’s going to be like if you do choose to have the baby. I feel bad for the kid who’s gonna have a horrible father because mom didn’t leave when she realised this guy is not what she wants.
You did not trap him into this. He made a choice and now he’s looking for a way to make it your fault. Keep the baby if you want it, as you say this may be a rare chance.
I would just caution against staying with him if he harbours continues resentment but feels obligated to stay. He already feels trapped and has been clear on his views re: children. He has shown he wants to blame you entirely for this. It will likely be a disaster and create a really toxic environment for a child. Nothing wrong with separating if you’re looking for different lifestyles anyway.
You don’t accidentally get pregnant. You have sex and when you don’t use protection or pull out you willingly did the thing.
That might sound like nitpicking, but no child is an “accident.”
Next, it’s a baby that is your baby and his baby, even in this location it happens to be. So you are a mother and he is a father, even if you decide to kill it.
I guess you have to ultimately decide if you’re alright with killing it or not. Even if he’s immature and selfish, it’s a baby. It is a life
The responsibility is both of yours, of course. It seems reasonable to have the baby, but is marriage absolutely necessary for you? If he’s committed to the relationship, there’s no reason you two can’t raise your child together. Marriage isn’t necessary.
You didn’t bamboozled him. If he doesn’t want kids, it’s up to HIM to take precautions. I’m sorry but when did you become responsible for his dick and sperm??? If he doesn’t want kids, he can have the vasectomy. It sounds like he is insecure of his masculinity. Have your kid. Men are replaceable. Kids aren’t.
He sounds mature …./s
Literally FAFO. He ejaculated irresponsibly. (And BTW, pull-out doesn’t prevent pregnancy.)
You want the baby and have support. That’s what matters. Keep the baby; better to have it than to live with regrets. He will step up or he won’t. It’s too early to tell.
His methods are ~watch the calendar, pull out~?!?
The failure rate on that is so high it’s like Russian Roulette – eventually that sixth chamber comes around.
Do what works for you, and if he continues to behave like this, tell him he’s free to leave, and you’ll be sure to notify him through the courts when the baby arrives.
He may not have to parent, but he absolutely does have to pay child support.
You are 35. You are right in thinking this maybe your last chance at a healthy pregnancy. Sure, there are many that get pregnant in their 40s but often that’s with treatment like IVF and donor eggs. Chances of natural pregnancy drop of rapidly in your late 30s. If you there is even a small chance you might regret not keeping the baby once you are out of your “fertile years” I would keep the pregnancy and let nature run its course.
You are right you can budget your expenses differently to adjust for the baby. But having a child will give you a whole new perspective on things that you would miss out if you didn’t have one. I think your boyfriend would also adjust once he saw the baby and developed an attachment for it. Just be prepared that the first few years will likely be hard but it will be worth it in the end.
His pull out game is weak but he didnt think so at that moment.
This isn’t your only chance for a baby or a healthy pregnancy. That’s malarchy. You want this baby and he doesn’t. He doesn’t need a specific reason .. but he does have one and he feels you have ruined his life.. which this absolutely does. He doesn’t want to spend his time raising another person and ending his life to make another one. You’re very flippant about ending this man’s life as he knows it. If you do decide to do this plan on doing it alone and not forcing it on him because you don’t think his reasons are valid or don’t care if he wants it or not. He should have worn a condom regardless .. but you are absolutely disregarding of the fact that he doesn’t want to spend his life doing this.
Ya, if my partner thought I was the kind of person to ‘bamboozle’ him and do something as underhanded as getting pregnant willingly / against their wishes then… I don’t think I’d want to be with a person who thought so little of my character.
Yet alone, raise a child with them.
You need to decide what works for you as a single parent, because he isn’t signaling reliability. Don’t let him act like yo7 did this to him, he’s a grown ass adult who made a choice.
You can have this baby, but you should expect to do it alone. He will either be a terrible partner and father, or he will leave you. I would consider that having this baby will mean being bound to this man for the next 18+ years. Your child will have a father who doesn’t want them. Yes, this happens all the time and the mothers and the kids survive it. But consider the circumstances you would have this child under. Good jobs, a nice apartment, etc. are all good things to have for a child, but having two parents who want them and support them is important too.
Pull out method = pregnancy roulette
If it turns out to be a boy, though…”Baby dudebro I can take bunting and fishing! Once it’s housebroken, that is. Until then, I can show photos at the singles bar and say, ‘Yeah, that’s my heart but his b*tch of a mother won’t let me see him.’ Total chick magnet!”
OP, the advice my dad offered when I unexpectedly got pregnant was this: “Biology does not a father make.” He told me that if I went for child support, daddy-o could make the kid’s life a living hell with crap like “I never really wanted you, but your mom insisted and now she’s bleeding me dry.”
Prepare to do this on your own, and consult with a family law attorney to learn what you need to know.
You’re 35… the older you get the higher the risk it is to you for pregnancies. You’re already 35.
Nobody bamboozled anyone. Two consenting adults made a choice. Go for it, have the baby, but don’t count on this guy sticking around with any kind of consistency. Definitely don’t put him on the birth certificate. Honestly this dude sounds immature as hell and I’m not sure why you’re with him, but i digress.
Don’t give him an out. It takes two to make a baby. You were clear you weren’t on birth control, he chose to not wear a condom.
Not financially and emotionally ready on the cusp of 40 is wild of him to say. When was he expecting to have kids, in his sixties?
My thoughts are that you’ve already decided to keep this baby. I hope you don’t decide to keep the man.
This guys sounds like a loser. At 37 years old, he should very well understand that he was, in theory, doing everything you do to create a baby, so this outcome is not unexpected. He was not bamboozled, he chose not to wear a condoms or get a vasectomy.
I also think that 37 is old enough to start having future plans, and long term commitments. He seems insanely immature. I would make the decision of what you do with your pregnancy based on what YOU want and leave him.
Why is he complaining when he knows perfectly well he didn’t pull out? He needs to own his part in this. Now, in regards to the pregnancy I totally see your point, and it truly is your decision how to go forwards. But don’t let him coerce you either way. If he is annoyed with himself for his error, he should no be putting the pressure on you now.
A 37 year old man who didn’t want kids, yet didn’t get a vasectomy and uses the pull out method feels bamboozled that he impregnated you? You didn’t get yourself pregnant. He ejaculated his sperm into your body and got you pregnant.
What question do you have?
Here’s a quick take:
your boyfriend sucks. He sounds selfish, childish, and a little narcissistic potentially. He lacks humility, emotional maturity, and irrespective of your pregnancy, I truly am not sure how you can be attracted to a man who acts like a child and can’t take responsibility for his own actions. Big yikes.
you keep saying “I could have a miscarriage, it’s very early” and my sense is that you’re doing this because you deeply want this baby and you’re scared of admitting that to yourself and possibly deal with the grief that may come with a potential pregnancy loss, as well as with the grief that will come from the separation from your boyfriend.
I think “giving him an out” is ridiculous. He was there and was 50% responsible for making this baby. A child deserves a father. He doesn’t get to just walk away and abandon his kid. He acts like a child but you also are treating him like one. Adults take responsibility for the consequences of their actions & decisions. If he wants to walk away and abandon his kid, fine. But don’t be the one to suggest that. That’s some ridiculous stuff that for some reason women have fallen for. It’s not like you tricked him and got pregnant on purpose.
go to therapy, if you’re not already in therapy. I say this with all the love in the world.
congrats on your pregnancy!!! 🙂
What are you doing?
You’re mid to late 30s in a relationship with a dude that doesn’t want what you want. He’s made it clear he doesn’t want kids or marriage. You do. Why are you wasting time in this relationship, and why are you still having unprotected sex!??
These things are fundamental dealbreakers when it comes to relationships. You’re destined to end up separating because one of you will never end up happy and worse, resent the massive compromise. Whether that’s not having the kids you want, or being forced to be a parent when you don’t want to be.
Doesn’t matter how great everything else is, there are some things that make two people incompatible and destined to failure. Kids and marriage are two of those things where you absolutely need to be on the same page otherwise it won’t work.
I’m sorry you’ve ended up in this situation but you both have only yourselves to blame. You need to have a heart to heart with your other half and figure out what you want to do moving forward. I just wish more people properly realised that you can’t force someone to change.
In your description of this guy I see zero redeeming virtues. If you want a child, you may be better off as a single parent, but that’s really hard. You know what your other alternative is.
“commitment and future is always a hard subject for him. He isn’t very emotional and usually his way of dealing with things is “my way or the highway”
“he is making it clear he does not want me to go through this. His reasons are we aren’t financially and emotionally not ready. But is anyone?!”
“I’m willing to let him walk away with no strings attached. I know he wouldn’t actually do that but I’m giving him an out if he is that certain he does not want this.”
I’m so confused how you “know” that this man who has told you repeatedly that he doesn’t want to marry you or have children with you isn’t going to in fact choose to leave you as a single mother while he ghosts. Nothing about his response you’re describing, from the bamboozled comments to the immature reaction about vasectomies indicates he’s going to suddenly change and want children . Also yes some people do wait until they are prepared emotionally and financially. Unfortunately most seemingly don’t which is the cause for a lot of issues in our world. I’m not saying you won’t be a fabulous mother, I truly hope you will and wish you the best and am glad to hear you have a support system. I would definitely recommend talking to them now being honest with each other about what your needs may be and whether they can help you meet those needs.
Start getting your ducks in a row for single motherhood and child support. Hopefully he will be the parent your child deserves but it doesn’t sound likely. Be wary of potential violence , being pregnant when the father does not want the child is one of the most dangerous times for a woman. Get your exit strategy and back up plan ready. Start saving as much money as you can in a way that he has no access to it.
In the future, believe people when they say they are child free and don’t expect them to change that opinion as time goes on. Having children is difficult and definitely not for everyone and your views should align otherwise you’re setting up your future children suffering the consequences. It was selfish of both of you to continue to date and be careless and now an innocent life will suffer because of it
I can’t believe how one sided Reddit always is. If he had always been a no on children and marriage then you guys have always been incompatible.
This relationship has always been doomed and now exactly what shouldn’t have happened has happened. A child now has to grow up in a world where one parent either isn’t around or openly resents it. Excellent. That’s what we need more of.
Dude should’ve had a vasectomy but now comes the consequences of his inaction
Sounds like you want your baby. I know you’re considering an offer for your partner to walk with no strings attached, however please keep in mind that child support is for the child, and your child is entitled to financial support from its father.
He doesn’t take responsibility for his own participation… and he is 37 and wants to claim you bamboozled him. Wow!!! Does he realize he is making himself sound like an idiot? At least he admits it??
Hopefully his position will make it easier not to consider his wants.
I hope whatever happens, and whatever your choice, you are healthy and find peace.
I wouldn’t rely on him for anything. If you go ahead with the pregnancy, expect him to walk. If he doesn’t leave, he needs to be all in. Not this half in, half out bullshit that people try to show they aren’t a shit of a person but they are and the kid ends up with attachment issues because of it. Whoa, long sentence. Anyway. If he’s in, he’s all in. If he’s not, then he has until bub is born to go away.
As much as its your body, your choice (and it absolutely is whichever way you go), I wouldn’t have a child with someone who doesn’t want one. We were actively trying to conceive but he was only pretending to be onboard. He made the pregnancy and raising our child a nightmare. Thankfully, he’s chosen to step away permanently and our child is happier and healthy.
If you want to have a child, then being with him is not the right path for you. Your time is limited at 35 but its not over. You could find someone who wants to build a family with you.
Tell him to man up he’s 37 not 17. Shape up or ship out.
I’m going to be completely honest: solo parenting is extremely hard. Make sure you have good, healthy support from folks who will support your parenting choices, and don’t have parenting ideas that are antithetical to yours. Budget for sick days — for your kiddo, for the childcare provider. To do this well is to have an incredible community who commits to supporting you emotionally on days when it’s just wayyyy harder than it should be.
Self care will go a long way.
You’ve got this, but not enough of us warn others what this life is truly like.
Bf sounds awful. Whatever you do with the fetus, ditch the guy.
Updateme
You sound awesome and ready for the future. Wait until he sees the baby. He will have a change of heart. Lots of happiness is coming your way…
He chose not to get a vasectomy or wear a condom. No one got bamboozled.
This is probably the end if the road for you two, but congrats on motherhood.
Getting pregnant is not a accident, that’s why it’s best to use protection. Maybe it’s a good thing it happened.
Get rid of the baby, its not worth losing your relationship
Separate and ask him for child support
Ditch him and raise a healthy baby without him! From what I read about him, he sounds extremely immature, controlling and selfish to name a few! It’s YOUR body and YOUR decision! Lose the loser!
Keep your baby.