I had to add the initial question. Otherwise, it wouldn’t have let me post. I’m aware that it sounds like a bit of a crazy assumption. Let me explain:
Together in a very rocky rship for 7 years. Living apart but only 5 minutes drive from each other.
When I got in his car yesterday, I immediately noticed a folded up bit of paper that looked new. It had fallen between the door and front passenger seat like it had fallen out of someone’s coat pocket as they sat there. I picked it up and opened it. It was a short shopping list. It wasn’t his writing nor his son’s. There shouldn’t be any other person in his car that he has ever mentioned. He says all he does is go to work and come home and is sat with his teenage son. I’m with him most weekends but not fully.
I asked him, and he said it wasn’t his writing. He said I should text his son to see if it was from someone he knew. I did, and he immediately responded with ‘no’. He has seen me holding it, just staring at it, and hasn’t mentioned it. He only moans that I’m not in a good mood and am probably hormonal. I just kept quiet, not knowing how to react to something so small and innocuous but so heavy in its meaning.
It’s a short, 3-item shopping list. Not lingerie. So I haven’t mentioned it again because, what am I upset about? A shopping list? Crazy.
However, I can’t shake it from my mind. Why would it be in his car? He has a history of lying and cheating, but I never had definitive proof. The one time I had (a woman’s handbag in his house she had left accidentally the previous evening), we had been broken up for a week and so he had a get out clause but he still vehemently denied it “just a friend”. A friend that he has never once mentioned to me or introduced me to. Previously or since. I saw her, she lives at the end of his street. I gave her her handbag back. (Her driving licence with address was in her bag). A week later, I was walking to his front door, and they were standing outside chatting. She saw me and gave an odd look and walked away. She would also text him between 10pm-midnight when I was with him (no idea on the message contents). He said that’s just the time she texts. That was a dig at me because I am a morning person and tired by 11pm. Whilst he’s a night owl. That was all a year ago. I’ve not seen anything else of her since.
At this point, I have no idea if I’m under or overreacting. I’ve lost all perspective. This is why I’ve chosen not to openly react and push this. That would look like I’m crazy. It’s not proof of anything, is it? It’s an unexplained shopping list, that’s all. But, at the same time, it’s more than that, isn’t it?
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I think the “he has a history of lying and cheating” part is enough of an answer.
Really it sounds like you just don’t trust him, so a seemingly little thing like finding something unexplained in his car is making you think the worst. If you trusted him, this wouldn’t even be a question. The shopping list could have gotten stuck to his son’s shoes and he tracked it into the car — or something innocent like that. But you don’t know what to think because of this lack of trust. You say the relationship has been rocky. Seems there are bigger issues than where the shopping list may have come from, right?
If your gut is telling you there’s more to it, there is likely more to it. Trust your instincts.
If things are at a point where you are spinning over a shopping list, then it’s time to leave the relationship.
Either he is untrustworthy, you have trust issues, or both – none of those are qualities for a healthy, successful relationship
This is why we advise people not to stay with cheaters. You’ll never be able to fully trust him again. You said “his son” so does that mean you don’t have kids together? If not, that makes this much easier for you.