I (F43) really hit it off with this guy (M45) on an app and we’ve since exchanged numbers and messaged. I’ve known him less than a week. I am seriously interested and attracted to him, but know that that’s just a fantasy as we haven’t met yet.
His dad fell seriously ill a day ago and we’ve continued messaging while he’s been at the hospital with his dad. It is possible his dad will not make it.
I know he’s very vulnerable right now. I am just a (kind) stranger, basically.
Do I just leave him alone? Is it okay to send a message every now and then? He has been responding. I’ve already told him there’s no need and my messages can be ignored, but obviously his behaviour now may be on auto-pilot for things like that and responding to my messages is part of that.
What’s the best, kindest thing to do here? Can I be a support or just an annoyance?
And for my selfish purposes, is there any way to navigate this successfully so that no one gets badly hurt, and if there’s a chance for us IRL, we get that chance?
TLDR: not yet met man, am very interested, his dad very unwell. what do I do that’s kind?
Comments
The best thing to do is to not change anything at all, and do not over think it. He is in crisis mode right now, and generally, when in crisis mode the most comforting things are the things that haven’t changed. Message with the same frequency, don’t change your tone or behaviour unless asked to, and continue to be kind as you have been. He will appreciate it, I promis.
I will caution you though, when he’s through his crisis, please manage your expectations, just because he welcomes the comfort when he is struggling, doesn’t necessarily mean he will take a romantic interest afterwards. But if you want to be a good and kind person to someone who is struggling, the above is what I would recommend.
Everything fine until he ask for your help in terms of finances, before even meeting irl
If he asks money, 3 letter word for you – RUN!