so i’m 17 years old and i’m on a burner acc for obvious reasons.. anyway, i’m stuck. my mom has had me out of school since i was 11 (5th grade) and i’ve had limited education since. my dad is very kept to himself and not as in my life as my mom, and my mom has this religious psychosis where she thinks the “end times” are near everyday, and she puts religion over doing basic things like feeding my brother (14y) and i. i’m not allowed to get a job because i’m “not right with God” and that i’m “lost”.
the other day i flipped out on her. i started screaming at her from across the hallway saying that i’m done living life on loop and that im joining the military. everything she says about the military or any jobs i’ve talked to her about she’s deemed as evil and that she “wont let me do them”.
i know this seems fucking crazy but i have no idea how to cope with this. i snuck out the other day, if you can even call it that.. i went outside to my cousins boyfriends work place and i relaxed there (and i’m not allowed to even go see family anymore because my aunt is evil according to my mom) but i didn’t care.. and she was gonna take away my car (which i’m very grateful for, but i could care less about it i’m too burnt out to care about it) and she did for a little but after i proved that i didnt care she started crying and shit and said “fine take your keys back but if u do this again im selling the fucker” and i just said “ok” and left.
i’m just so unsure about how to proceed from here. my dad has pitched in to help with the military (hes a vet, 25y in the af, security forces) and thats my current plan when i turn 18 in jan.
i’ve seriously tried to talk to my mom about it. saying how this is my life and all that, but she doesn’t care. she just screams at me and tries to make me feel bad, calling me an idiot and saying that i don’t love her or care for her. and that i’m gonna die an idiot, and that the government will kill me..? and also if something happens to me she’ll divorce my dad and my brother will be left to deal with that.
i’m in such a dillema rn and it’s overwhelming my brain and i just want it to all end. i’ve tried to look for help but therapy is expensive and i can’t work so like i’m just fucking stuck in every manner possible. i don’t know what to do here and any help will be appreciated. (no i’m not suicidal i just need help with what to do, i got the rest)
my main thing is that it’s so hard to live without my mom. everytime im without her i feel like i’ve lost myself. i feel so bad for her everytime i hear her scream, her talk, her cry, her do anything. i feel like a failure everytime. it always reels me back in and i have no idea how to cope with that. im trying to put myself first but i’m struggling. i need help and any advice is appreciated a million times over.
also im sorry i saw one of the rules just know about “we are not mental health professionals” so if this is locked i understand and sorry about that lol, let me know if theres any “better” subreddits i can put this on. if theres any questions, let me know and i’ll be here asap to answer, i just need help
Comments
REMINDER: Rules regarding civility and respect are enforced on this subreddit. Hurtful, cruel, rude, disrespectful, or “trolling” comments will be removed (along with any replies to these comments) and the offending party may be banned, at the mods’ discretion, without warning. All commenters should be trying to help and any help should be given in good faith, as if you were the OP’s parent. Also, please keep in mind that requesting or offering private contact (DM, PM, etc) is absolutely not allowed for any reason at all, no exceptions.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
I am not a MH professional but I work with troubled teenagers-who often come from troubled families.
If what you say about schooling is true-that is educational neglect, and very easy to prove. The rest very likely falls under the umbrella of “mental/emotional abuse” and while awful is very hard to prove. The food is outright abuse, but also may be hard to prove. And your father is just as culpable, just as responsible, just as guilty as your mom. Maybe more so, because your mom sounds possibly in need of serious help.
Here are things to try:
Report them to Child Welfare. The CW workers will interview both you and your brother, cooperate and be honest. They have resources and can get counseling for everybody. They can also remove you and your brother until such time as one of your parents can act right.
Call 988, if in US. This is a MH hotline and they should be able to help you get into counseling.
In US, call 211, they can get you other resources.
I am so sorry you are experiencing this. Please know it is not your fault.
I’m so sorry for you. Your mom has serious mental issues and your dad is her enabler. Instead of mom protecting you and brother, you’re the family protector. In most states, education is compulsory. It’s the parent’s legal and moral obligation to make sure their children get educated. Some states arrest parents and make them appear in court. The children can be homeschooled under the authority of a school district. Perhaps you can contact a school in your area to find out how to get help for your family. As far as getting therapy, your dad has health insurance as a veteran for himself and his dependents. Ask how you can use it for therapy. Regarding going into military you must have a high school diploma or GED certificate prior to joining. Please seek help for yourself so you can free yourself from the madness. What’s happening in your household is not your fault nor your responsibility.
What country? If USA, I recommend trying to join the Coast Guard. You can choose the ship side or the aviation side. Many skills you can be trained in that will help you get a job when you leave or retire. You will most likely spend your career on US soil unless you choose the larger ships that routinely sail international waters, and i understand that there is a USCG presence in the Mediterranean Sea, but that’s a voluntary posting (I think, could have changed). BUT, you have to score higher on the military written test than you would for the other service branches. Talk to a recruiter.
My only other recommendation, if you join any of the branches, is to see the Chaplain on your base/post. They will be able to help you with your mother issues.
Get yourself a book to study for the exam. The recruiter might have these.
Take a giant step from your mother. Give your brother phone number or email address so that he can contact you in case of emergency.
Good luck and stay safe.