I feel so utterly ashamed guilty and shameful for the fact I don’t have a job nor any desire to fix my life. I mean shit I’m supposed to have my life together by now or atleast working towards it. Not sitting in home all day using phone as a way to escape reality. Living in this 4 walls has made my life very very small as I seem to be living in my head more than the outer world like how society functions or what’s the primary goal of everyday people because whenever I step outside the house all I see people go to work or go to college full time. And weekends do chores, errands and outing. Over the span of 7 years, I’ve seen so many of my childhood friends and cousins grow like literally grow as in making more money, leveling up from their situations. They have nice paying jobs and into relationships. It’s like they figured out life and know their duties or responsibilities of being an adult.
I feel still sick as if I’m living in 2016 era like this is just feels like why am I loyal to the past but not working for the “tommrow’ the future. I feel incapable of doing anything. I don’t think I have the guts to fix my life nor change the trajectory of life. I thought okay maybe I should go community college get a 2 yr degree than join workforce. Maybe I should just find a side job right now immediately. Maybe I should learn driving and be on my feet. Sighs I don’t know what I should be doing. What I’m supposed to do right now. 2025 started 3 months ago, like time is flying
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How are you living?
It’s okay not to work. Many people wouldn’t choose not to work if they didn’t have to. How have you survived financially up to this point? Have you considered seeing a therapist?
the problem is you were never taught self discipline. It’s not something you are born with. We all have to do things that aren’t exactly fun. That’s how life works. You do the unpleasant things to get to the fun things. Without the unpleasant things, the fun things lose their meaning and aren’t fun anymore. Your parents are supposed to teach you self discipline by instilling unnatural consequences to motivate you to do the.unpleasant things and once you get in a pattern of doing that, the unpleasant things seem way less unpleasant and you develop and ability to release dopamine at the completion of these things.
you are all out of wack. Start small. Make small goals for yourself and complete them. Don’t allow yourself to make excuses or opt out of your goals. Then build on those goals. Make them bigger. Your brain is designed to take care of the rest. Good luck.
You might have some undiagnosed mental health issues that you’ll need to talk to a mental health professional about.
Also, it took me a while to get going in life as I did not graduate college until the same age you are. But overall, you’ve got to find the will to get motivated and to do something with your life.
Otherwise, you’re gonna grow old, let life pass you by, and mourn that sense of lost time. Don’t let that happen to you.
Moving yourself out of your comfort zone is the only way to improve yourself and develop.
My best advice to you is to try to get an entry-level job (fast-food or retail) as soon as possible. Getting used to working is hard. And it only becomes harder the older you get.
Working might not be fun, but you’ll meet lots of new people and learn lots of useful things.
Where in gods name are your parents and why haven’t they taught you any life skills or tell you how to succeed? Where????????? Who is financially supporting you? If you absolutely feel bad about it stop taking money and housing from whoever is giving it to you and start doing things on your own or at least try. Is this a culture thing? Or are you wealthy? So many questions……….Just read your in India……your parents telling you not to work and stay home is wild. Brah……go get a simple job.
You still have time. There’s a lot of work to be done, for sure, but there are plenty examples of people turning their lives around later in life. But you have to want it.
Not to be mean, but you should probably seek some mental health counseling… I’d be willing to bet you’ve got something undiagnosed that with a little therapy or possibly medication could really help your view on the world.
You should
Maybe you can do some religious stuff to grieve for your dead relative.
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Learn to drive, get a job. Just do it. It’s not as hard as it sounds.
Or go to therapy, then do the above.
Who on earth has crippled you all these years? THEY are the people with mental health issues!
Just get a job and stop the self pity it’s that simple. You’ll be fine just stop putting it off
Being unemployed is hell on mental health. Even when someone is financially supporting you, it can take you to dark mental places. I strongly support getting out of that situation, as it is doing your mental health no favors.
A therapist told me once it was no good to always compare myself to the ideal version of myself I believed I was supposed to be. “Should” was a word I was reminded to strike from my vocabulary. All the “Should”s ever did was make me feel ashamed for not being as successful a person as I felt I was supposed to be. As the saying goes, comparison is the thief of joy.
Lack of motivation often comes from fear of failure, or a sense of helplessness, often compounded by negative experiences that reinforce the thought, “Why bother?” Once you get past that wall of shame, it’s easier to ask instead, “What life do I want?” Let curiosity drive you, not shame.
Another secret is that all learning comes with failure. Try to get comfortable with the thought you will fail or look foolish, because realistically, you will. Everyone does! That’s a natural part of developing skills, and not a reason to quit trying something hard.
I really do encourage therapy if you can manage it. The right therapist can be very good at helping navigate all these mental barriers, some of which I believe could be diagnosable. I suspect you are braver and more resilient than you think you are.
Never too late to start. Talk to someone professionally about your mental health. And get a job. Ride the bus if you don’t wanna drive or find work within walking distance/bike distance if you want. You don’t need a car unless you’re in an area where you absolutely need a car to get anywhere. For example I live about 40 miles from the grocery store or anything but a gas station about 15 miles away. So I need to drive to get places to work or become a way better bike rider than I am. So idk do with that what you will.
If you have no desire to change you wouldnt feel despondent and upset and down about your situation. Because you do that IS your motivation to fix your life.
When you get a job you will have coworkers, some socialization, just show up on time and do your job, focus on personal hygiene, live simply and within a budget. If you dont enjoy it look for another job (WHILE YOU HAVE A JOB DO NOT QUIT) and try something else. Then when you find something you enjoy enough apply yourself and you will make a decent life.
Things like hobbies you just have to try but DONT spend all your money on them and get into debt. Just do them as your budget allows. Things like love and relationships etc come later.
Just start, maybe fake it till you make it (like the rest of us out here tbh), but actually start.
The answer to what you should do is something. Anything to start. Either community college or job or both. Get going.
You and my stepson could switch lives and neither if you would notice. They are exactly the same. I’ve tried to get him some help with the vocational rehabilitation programs but since he’s an adult, and I’m not his biological father, there isn’t much else I can do.
Look into what is available to you, be it classes or a job of some sort. Get up and get going. You may be later than most your age, but better late than never.
Join the army. Seriously they will give you structure and pick a path for you.
This is not about money nor material wealth, this is about personal stagnation….and that is a road to dying young.
Get help. Get out. Live.
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If you have shame you have motivation. Go get help. Got get a job. Productivity leads to feelings of worth. If you’ve never been productive, you’ll never feel worthy. Baby steps. Start small, but keep walking in the right direction. If you step in the wrong direction one day, get going back in the right direction the next day. Keep movin
There are numerous online therapy sites and even ChatGPT that can support your brave transition into a more fulfilling life. You cannot hate yourself or shame yourself into well-being. You deserve compassionate support. Your life could be great with a little bit of help. Believe it!🦋
Energy issues:
We all have done things or failed at things in life – you can choose to live in the past or choose to create a better future. Some of the most talented people have the toughest pasts
One way to shift your momentum is to do small uncomfortable things on purpose and increase your tolerance for discomfort. Youcango on a walk in a busier place if you don’t normally do that. You can say hi to 2 people per walk if you don’t normally do that. Eat a food you don’t like. Go to an event at a library and speak to one person. Volunteer the first Saturday of every month at the food bank. The anxiety leading up to it is always worse than the actual thing. Once you teach your brain “hey, I can do stuff that is uncomfortable and still be okay”, it is easier to do bigger things, like attend bigger events, academic classes, and jobs.
That being said, some people respond better plunging right into a wildly different life. But something tells me you’re not that kind of person.
So presuming you don’t want to be miserable, what you’re saying is contradictory.
If you feel shame, it is because your not meeting your own expectations, i.e. you do want a job, you do want to fix your life.
that being said if there’s feelings stopping you i.e. anxiety, fear, dread etc… that outweighs the feelings of aspiration, then yeah you’d be in your current situation.
go see a doctor.
Sounds like you may be depressed. Please see a psychiatrist. Once you’re stable maybe learn to drive. Take a few courses at community college. Etc
Get some therapy and learn to make reachable goals.
It sounds like you’re suffering from depression. I recently had my first ever diagnosed bout of depression in july. I have always been a person who had my shit together, was in college and just graduated when depression hit me. I cannot imagine what my life would look like if I had been depressed earlier. I had no motivation or excitement in life. Like the world has lost it’s color.
First step is to get yourself on antidepressants and spend a couple months getting better.
Then start your job hunt. I’d find something retail to start with, and then explore trades that you can learn while working and building a resume.
You can go back to college, but at your age you might want to earn higher wages sooner. If you have your heart set on getting a degree go to community college. Its very inexpensive, and if you write good scholarship applications you can get some of that schooling paid for.