I am a 27 (F) who has experienced SA and religious trauma. I’m currently in therapy fixing aaalllll of the above. But today’s session felt like a reminder that something is wrong with me. I have not orgasmed with a partner is almost 4 years. I was in a long term relationship and ended almost 4 years ago, and since then I’ve either had one-night flings or like a couple month flings. And for the life of me, I cannot orgasm. I’ve been close, it’s felt good but never all the way. And I just feel broken. That something is wrong with me. I’m trying to practice self-compassion but it’s been hard. Any words of advice would be appreciated 🫶🏼
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First of all, I’m so sorry that happened to you. SA and religious trauma can take years to process even with all the right support. I wouldn’t ever put a timeline on that journey, but you’re doing the right thing by talking to someone about your experience and practicing self-compassion.
I’m not sure how long you’ve been sexually active / if it was easier with a partner before the assault took place, but I’m going to assume this didn’t used to be an issue achieving with a partner. I will say one night stands can be a difficult place to relax and get in touch with your own body since those partners aren’t familiar with what you like and dislike.
Is it just with a partner/are you able to on your own? Lelo makes a great toy that mimics oral sex which a new partner might not be the best at/it may help you focus more on your own experience and enjoyment rather than having someone trying (and failing) to take you all the way.
Sometimes softer/romantic porn films or sex scenes from movies can help you to form a mental montage, almost like a meditation that you can replay in your head, too, when things feel like they’re almost there but you can’t quite get over the edge. Sometimes as women a new partner is a little too unpredictable still to bring us comfortably “there” even if are enjoying them; your mind is focusing on him rather than staying in your zone.
These things helped me when I struggled to relax during sex and couldn’t get there either. Over time, as I processed, things became easier. I’m sending you strength. 🤍🤍