For context I am a goth/punk man, I love the music, the clothes, and believe strongly in the values and political beliefs of both subcultures; but I feel so gross and guilty for even liking someones clothes in the subcultures. I feel disgusted and ashamed of myself and I constantly worry I come off as one of those basement dwelling, porn-addicted, loser, incels who fetishize the look and subculture. I just want to be able to meet a guy or girl with the same interests and taste as me and not feel dirty or like I am doing something wrong when I know I am not. It is so bad that it is eating away at my already low self-esteem, if I even like what someone is listening to or like their outfit I feel like a creep
This was more of a vent but if anyone has advice on how to get over this please help. I don’t know how much more guilt I can take
Comments
With all due respect, please go outside. Compliment someones outfit, a strangers. It will make their day. Its not creepy, but you seriously need to get out more if this is what your brain is thinking about.
Liking the clothes gives you every right to wear them. Seems to me like punk is all about not fitting into a neat box so if you feel like you don’t belong, maybe you are the truest punk of all.
Having said that, maybe it’s just too much of you. It’s possible to like all those things and not have it be so central to your identity. Dialing it back wouldn’t be admitting you were faking it, just expressing other parts of yourself.
For men, you can as much as just wear a black (band maybe?) shirt, black pants, and boots and be acceptably goth enough for it to not at all be weird for you to compliment or admire us (being goths). If you dress normie we’re more inclined to think you’re a “i want biggy tiddy mommy goth gf” type, but even then only if you’ve like- never heard of Bauhaus and are grossed out by spiders…
how old are you ?