I was making about 75k as a single parent- this year I would be making $80k+.
My job ended up going through tons of layoffs and they offered us all voluntary packages to leave. I chose to take one because of burnout and because I wasn’t sure what the future looked like at this company. I didn’t know if they were going to take away bonuses and/or stop promoting or if I’d live everyday unsure if I had a job. There wasn’t a way to move up anymore so I decided to leave.
Fast forward and I ended up taking a job in Oct 2024 where I now make $55k, have $4000 in other benefits, and have similar health, STD, LTD, life insurance as before. I probably have better benefits here except my PTO sucks and my schedule currently is 4 10 hour days (I work every saturday as one of those days) where I work until 9 pm, whereas before I worked 9-6 m-f. There is definitely more opportunity for growth here so that is a plus.
I took this job because I started back at school to finish my masters which I was unable to finish in 2020 due to the pandemic. I am trying to finish my degree so I can be more stable when he’s older and help with college, etc. with this job, I can complete my internships and even go down to PT when that happens. I’m also doing this degree for myself- I want to pursue this so I’ll have more freedom and income when I’m older, too. Being a single parent with no financial assistance for many of those years has been hard AF.
Both are remote so I’ve got that.
Still, I just feel I’ve made an error and bad choice. Or maybe I’m just exhausted and burned out and can’t think properly. Maybe some grief too as I liked that job for years.
Having a teen as a single parent is hard and I wish I had more resources, time, and energy for him. I’m having trouble not living in and feeling constant defeat that I’m starting from the bottom again and juggling so many things with no cushions.
Is this just life? Should I just be thankful for this job and try to move up? Should I just finish school since this was the plan? I also paid my car off so that’s an extra $5,000 per year- not exactly income but it does help offset loss of income.
I’m feeling so unbelievably defeated, exhausted and burned out. I don’t know what my problem is but it feels I’m just starting all over and I’m tired. Am I going to be okay? 😭
I’d love any thoughts or advice.
Comments
Oh, tired momma. I’m so sorry. I think that you’re going to be okay. You are getting your ducks in a row for the future. I’m afraid I don’t have much advice, but I wonder what your support network is like. I suspect you don’t have much of one. If I’m right about that, I would work on trying to build one. It’s okay to need help.
Hugs, my dear. I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way – it definitely is SO much hard work and pressure to be a single mum, especially one who may not have as extensive of a village to help you. FWIW, though, I don’t think it sounds like you made a mistake at all? It sounds more like you saw the writing on the wall and decided to take the opportunity to push yourself to do something more, better, etc., but you’re currently just at the hardest, grindiest part of it. Yes, you should definitely try to finish school and move on up with your new employer. It feels like shit now because this is the worst part, but you’re setting yourself and your son up for better in the future and you gotta show yourself some more love for that. I hope your son is able to understand appreciate his hardworking mum as well.
This is just life. Sometimes we make decisions that aren’t good. Or aren’t good at the moment, but could lead to better things in the long-run. Sometimes life has to be hard for a bit so that we can reach something better.
I was the poorest I ever was when I decided to go back to college. I’m not entirely sure it was beneficial and if I had to do it all over again, I would make very different choices. But I don’t get to do it all over again. They are just part of my story now.
My advice…finish what you started. This doesn’t have to last forever, just a few more months. Your son is old enough to understand and when he inevitably complains, you remind him what you are working towards.
First of all, I just want to say—I see you. I know how hard you’re working, and I promise you, your teenager sees it too, even if your teen doesn’t always say it. Being a single parent, juggling work, school, and life, while still trying to be present for your child is beyond exhausting. And yet, here you are, showing up every day. That in itself is proof of your strength.
I’ve been in a similar position—feeling like I made a decision that set me back, questioning if I should’ve just stuck it out, wondering if I’m really moving forward or just spinning in place. But the truth is, growth doesn’t always feel good in the moment. It’s uncomfortable. It’s tiring. It makes you question everything. But it’s still growth.
Here’s what helped me when I was in your shoes:
Shift the perspective – You didn’t fail. You made a strategic move for your mental health and long-term goals. Right now, it feels like starting over, but you’re not at the bottom. You’re in transition. And transition is temporary.
Create a short-term plan – Since your PTO isn’t great and your schedule is tough, is there anything you can do to optimize your time? Maybe setting up dedicated “teen time” that works within your schedule, even if it’s just an hour of uninterrupted connection a few days a week? If that isn’t accessible try one day of week specifically designed for the two of you. Small, intentional moments matter more than we realize.
Reframe finances – Can you set small financial milestones that help you feel like you’re making progress, even if your salary is lower for now?
Remind yourself why you started – You’re finishing your degree for stability, for freedom, for your future. Your current job supports that. The exhaustion makes it hard to see, but you’re still on track. Keep going.
You are going to be okay. More than okay. You’re in the messy middle of something that will pay off in ways you can’t see yet. Trust yourself. You’ve gotten through every hard thing so far—you’ll get through this too. Above all, don’t be afraid to reach out for support.
Omgoodness!!! You are very hardworking and can understand why you are so tired!!! Please finish your masters—- it will all pay off someday… My mom went back to school to be a nurse at age 40 and 4 kids at home.. I have no idea how she did it but she is in her 80s and doing well!!!
I am sorry things are hard . The one rule I made for myself is not regret things like this. We make the best decisions we can with the information we have, and for better or worse you can’t go back and “unmake” it. Rather than living in the past you can’t change, focus on the future. This market isn’t the best for looking for another job but there is no harm in trying and you have nothing to lose.
Life is full of set backs, but it’s also full of wonderful surprises. You have a longer term goal you are trying to achieve and a plan, you’re on the right track. I’m a divorced mom of two teens, child support ends this year for the last one. I was fired in 2023, and took some time off for my health (mental and physical) and I now have a less demanding job with lower pay, but great benefits. It’s all compromise and balance. You’re doing great, hang in there!!
Hugs. First, you’re doing great. You clearly are trying to make the best decisions when faced with difficult choices. You are also looking toward the future with your child as your highest priority. Just these 2 things alone mean that your choices are at minimum the best you could do at the time.
Weirdly, think of it like poker. A poker player seldom has a winning hand, but they bet or fold based on what the table (environment) looks like, who the other players are, the probability their hand is better, and whether they think the risk is worth the pot. No player gets it right 100% of the time, but the best players are thoughtful, methodical, and constantly calculating. They also play every hand like it’s the first hand (meaning there is no such thing as a "streak").
Being a single mom is HAAARD! Just managing the expense and emotional labor is a tremendous load. Great job for keeping up with it at all!!!
I’m also in the boat of pursuing school in hopes of a better future. I’m torn between "maybe this is where I should stay? Benefits are good, but I’m miserable/stressed/struggling emotionally…"
I support trying to find a better future. Because it also models for our kids resilience, hope, and perseverance. They need to see that and to see that we don’t have to settle for "it works, I guess".
To be clear, I think both of us aren’t pursuing "perfect" We are pursuing "peace". Peace is a worthwhile endeavor.
Solidarity and love mama. ❤️
Hey momma. You’ve got this. Be proud of yourself – for asking for advice, for working so hard., paying off your car and just showing up! Life is hard. Parenting is hard. Lifing and parenting as a single parent is the hardest! Family or community support can be helpful. Be kind to yourself. Hug yourself. You are stronger than you know.
going back to school as an adult is hard and sometimes demoralizing – i went from a salaried employee with benefits to working part-time as a receptionist while taking out a ton of loans so i could get my masters. but i took a risk on myself that LONGTERM, i would get more opportunities to grow and achieve things that were impossible to me before. you are going through the hard part right now but if your degree has any kind of practical application, i don’t think you should quit. after i got my masters, i got a job at my old salary & felt like i had wasted 2 years of my life. but then i got promoted 3x in 3 years, doubled my salary, AND i’m working way fewer hours in a career i genuinely love.
you’re setting a great example for your kid! but don’t feel like you have to do everything – if y’all eat frozen pizza and trader joe’s orange chicken for every dinner because you’re too tired to cook, WHO CARES. if your house gets a little messy, WHO CARES. when i get really busy with work, i don’t go to the gym because fuck it i wanna sleep!! women are conditioned to feel like failures if we can’t do all the domestic stuff on top of school and work, but a man would never feel like a failure for that!! you can let the little stuff go while you build your future
I commend you for putting your child first and taking the pains to plan a future for them, as challenging as it may be. Not all parents would have thought and choose the dedication required to do this.
"My job ended up going through tons of layoffs and they offered us all voluntary packages to leave. I chose to take one because of burnout and because I wasn’t sure what the future looked like at this company. I didn’t know if they were going to take away bonuses and/or stop promoting or if I’d live everyday unsure if I had a job. There wasn’t a way to move up anymore so I decided to leave."
I would have taken the package too. I don’t like the idea of being at an unstable company unsure of my future. I think you did the right thing and someday you’ll look back and see how leaving that job opened you up to other opportunities. And your kid will be fine. I was raised by a single mother and I saw how hard she worked and how much she did for me and my brother. I’m so proud of her and we’re very close. She’s retiring in the next two years and she deserves it after all the many years of hard work.
As a single mom with no parents or partner, I see you! I know the weight of having to be the sole provider to a child while not having a safety net yourself. It’s so scary. I lost my job in June of last year, the severance is running out and I am nowhere close to an offer yet. I didn’t anticipate being in this position. The stress of managing a teenager and keeping a roof over your head is so, so draining. I get it. I see you. You’re not alone.
That being said, it’s not really going to do you any good looking in the rearview mirror. What’s done is done. All you can do is learn from your past and try to make better decisions for your future.
The market is pretty crappy for candidates right now. Maybe stick with the job you have and try to make connections at companies you would like to work for eventually. Keep those connections warm so they think of you the next time they have an opening. In the meantime, focus on building a relationship with your kid, working your job, and finishing school–that’s a lot. You might not realize it but you are doing A LOT and you’re doing it alone. Give yourself credit. Leave the past in the past. You’re doing really good. Truly. You’re more of a rockstar than you realize. You’ve got this.
You made the best decision you could with the information you had at the time. Would you be so mean to a friend in your position?
You’ll get through this. You are trying your best and that’s all you can do, don’t make things worse by being hard on yourself! Try to take things slow and focus on the time you do have with your son.
I feel for you on so many levels. I am 34, completely independent (no family or spouse), currently in my first year of law school, and also navigating questions about income and keeping myself afloat. These questions are scary even without kids, especially with the future looking the way it does right now. And while I don’t have kids, my mother started college when I was 13, so I think I can speak to your experience and your son’s.
About how you’re feeling: I don’t know about everyone, but most people I know have a voice of doubt in the back of their minds. That voice can be useful sometimes, like when you doubt walking down icy stairs or get a bad feeling about someone that is later validated. However, if you heed that voice when it comes to things you want or need, it can be your greatest hindrance. It is totally real and valid to be stressed, unsure, and burned out. However, if you quit now, will those feelings go away, or will they simply get directed at something else? For me, I know they will end up directed elsewhere.
Realistically, the only way you definitely don’t achieve your goals is if you choose to quit pursuing them. Sometimes things may stall us from our goals, but the only way you definitely won’t achieve a goal is if you never try to accomplish it. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t walk away from something if you find it doesn’t serve you; that can be totally valid. Sometimes we think we know our path and end up finding our true path along the way. I was pre-med before realizing law was my true calling; all of it is you learning and continuing to pursue your evolving goals. I recommend taking some time to really think to the future and think about the life you want to see for yourself and your son, and revisit those thoughts when things get heavy. Then, try to frame each day as your efforts have moved you closer to your goals. That exhaustion is from you putting in the hard work to make your dreams a reality, and life won’t be like this forever; your goals are only a few years away. That time will pass no matter what and a few years will pass before you know it, so you may as well achieve your goals in the meantime. The way I see it, life is hard. Since life is going to be hard, I’m choosing a challenge that can grant me access to my goals, and so are you. I may as well get something out of my efforts.
As for your son, be a good parent and be good to yourself. Your son will respect you for it and get to witness firsthand how hard work and dedication can pay off. I honestly don’t think I would have considered or fought to pursue college, let alone grad school, if I had not seen her transform her life through her education. My mother was not a good parent and I was still so proud of her as a teenager and learned so much from seeing her turn her life around. You can easily avoid her mistakes by simply not being evil, so don’t worry you’re on some slippery slope. Ensure you don’t lose sight of doing this for your son too, not just yourself, by present when you are with your son, and give both of you grace. This is going to be a tough time and stresses will run high sometimes, so it really is important to be patient and view every moment as a learning opportunity. You will make mistakes, but learn from everything and you will do something remarkable even in the face of challenges. That will have a wonderful impact on his perception of education and hard work.
Remember to always show both of you a lot of love and grace. You deserve to be your #1 cheerleader. You have gotten through so much and you’re still fighting to grow. That deserves credit! You’ve got this.
How old is he? All I can say is you are doing your best and he’ll grow up one day and realize that. Understand that there are only somethings in your control and all you can do is keep moving forward. What’s done is done. You can only make plans to move forward.