TLDR: I feel like I dont have the support I need and want to move closer to family, but partner does not and will not change behaviours.
For context – my partner (38M) and I (32F) have been together for 7 years, are engaged. We have a 1.5yr old son who is the greatest gift, 2 dogs, a house, and a rental property. I moved across the country, away from my family and network to be with my partner for his job. I also have a very flexible job that has offered me great career growth opportunities. He works 14 hrs days, 6-7 days a week and is exhausted by the time he gets home because its a physically laborious job. He also does stints away from home for weeks at a time, with no known schedule of when he will return. I work 32hours a week as a project manager as well as the primary parent for our little guy.
I love my partner but he is little help with childcare, cleaning, cooking, groceries, etc. He takes more financial burden of course, but that’s not to say I dont contribute. I pay for everything for our son, the dogs, groceries, daycare, half of the mortgage per month.
The biggest problem I face with this situation is where we live. I want to move closer to family and have support and a village, as neither my husband nor I have anyone remotely close to a village here. Not only that, my Mom was diagnosed with cancer during my pregnancy and while she is okay right now, things could change. She visited last month and ended up in the hospital here because she got a cold from my son (he’s in daycare).
My partner is adamant that he will not move. He makes a lot of money here. I get that, and want to compromise somehow such as, he works his out of town stints all spring/summer and has the winter off and working a more casual job. This way my son and I could live near family during the times my partner isn’t even home, and we can be together in the winter. My partner does not want this.
Im at a loss because I feel totally unsupported and like a single parent, eventhough I’m not. I feel so lonely and also evil for suggesting changing the living situation to my partner. Can anyone offer outside advice to me about this? I currently am just hoping to plan more visits home, but I honestly feel like this situation is not sustainable.
Comments
Tell him point blank: “I need a solution to this problem. We can talk it out together and find a compromise, which I have thought up a couple of, or we can discuss what you flat out refusing means for our future. We are two halves of a whole marriage and I am simply asking for some support and understanding.”
If he makes so much more money and all he’s paying is half the mortgage, where is all his money going is my very first question.