i don’t feel anything, i don’t find anything fun.
i don’t study, i don’t learn new skills, i don’t try learning japanese that i really wanted to.
i don’t have friends anymore so i’m lonely too. i’m tired of listening to advice like “just delete instagram and focus on yourself” yes i have tried that but that still doesn’t change the fact that i feel dead and have no motivation.
i’m not blaming anyone or anything for my situation but i just need help. i have no idea what to do and i feel helpless, i want to get better but i don’t know how.
i feel so fucking dumb cus i can’t do things and that stops me from even trying. im just 20, how am i supposed to know everything? i want to learn but my brain tells me if i don’t know it by now i’m just stupid.
ps: i do all the easy things like assignments and all even before deadlines but im unable to do things that require a lil more focus than usual
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I’m not sure how to help but I’m in the same boat. Maybe you’ll feel less lonely about where you’re at if you know you aren’t the only one…
Maybe consider reframing your perspective? Like what do you actually know? What is something you can do that no one else can do? Once you know you can draw inspiration from those strengths and qualities into other areas of life.
You are depressed. Something happened in your life that led your brain to develop negative coping mechanisms. Its not your fault. Youre not a bad person for being this way.
The good news is your brain can heal. There are many ways to heal, and it takes different amounts of time for people. Its also not linear, so prepare for the long haul.
You should first sit with yourself and breathe. Breathe in 3 seconds, hold, breathe out for 6. Repeat. Repeat until you start a deep think about your life. About your childhood, and about what your mind tries to protect you from.
Talk to yourself. Identify what you feel.
Once you understand yourself a little better, you can begin a more focused approach to self-betterment. I highly recommend professional help. There may be low or no-cost options in your area. Its helped me a lot.
And just remember to treat yourself well. Youre in charge of yourself. Be kind to you
Hey bud. Talk to your doctor. Meds can help and there’s no shame in that. Seriously, you dont have to feel like this and it’s ok to get a little help if your body isn’t helping you naturally. It can get better
Oh sweetie you sound deeply discouraged and depressed you might need a little medicine and some counseling. Don’t let yourself feel defeated you’re not and you’re only 20 you have so much so much to learn one day at a time just try to learn one new thing every day just one or every week you’re not stupid you’re just very very young and very naive. Hang in there and keep going you’re going to be all right.
You will never stop learning. Don’t expect to learn everything at a young age, it’s not how it works. Definitely, you are depressed. You need to find positive coping mechanisms.
I’m in the same situation for more than ten years now
Hope you can heal you are not alone
The only advice I can give you is to try to find a passion and work around it. Lets say painting, join a painting group or something. The thing is to get you out there
Sounds like depression. I know it’s incredibly difficult, but I’ve found that if I literally push myself to complete even the most basic task – which can look complicated through the eyes of a depressed person – like taking a shower, doing dishes, etc., the dead feeling gives way to a small sense of accomplishment. Then I build on that. It sounds easy, but I know it isn’t. Hope you find an answer.
Good post bro. Im in the same boat. Im doing exercise. I just did a 10 minute walk and like 15 minutes of lifting unchallenging light weight. I went home quickly because i have no vigor for life, like you, but it was something. I’ll take it. Next time i exercise ill try a little bit harder. Then ill keep going on from there. Hopefully that gets the ball rolling.
Me too 🙁
Cold showers Mon-Sat and Sun reward warm showers. Add Wim Hof breathing each day.
What your experience is depression. Everything is numb. Observe your feeling and don’t agree or disagree. Just observe.
Do smallest thing each day. Even just make the bed. Play it like game can’t miss a day making the bed. Add smaller habit, drink a glass of water. Then read a page of porn magazines (kidding). My point is keep it simple.
Better days just around the corners. You will know when your ready face reality and the world. Peace out!
Would be weird if you didn’t feel that way these days.
You say you don’t feel anything. Yet it sounds like you are feeling a bit depressed here, feeling negativity, feeling bored, feeling lonely, etc. So you are feeling, just not the feelings you want or desire.
Fact is, your brain is still developing. The brain doesn’t fully develop until mid to late twenties. Until then, teens until mid-late 20’s think more emotionally over rationally. The prefrontal cortex is one of the last things for the brain to fully develop. And that is a big one for starting to think more rationally, problem solve, more of your personality will be shining through.
The delete Instagram and focus on yourself. You are fed up with that statement. Understand this, the older you get, the more clichés make sense and wishing you would have abided them in the younger years. They are repeated often for a reason. Personally, I would be harsher on telling younger people to get off or limit social media use to a minimum. Limit internet and phone use in general.
Another fact is that internet and social media have been proven to change the way humans think, take in knowledge, focus, etc. It’s been studied by reliable sources. I highly recommend reading The Shallows by Nicholas Carr. People born into the interent era have higher depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses. We want everything now. We live in an instant world these days. This is where the focus on yourself comes in. Actually focus on yourself. It’s okay to be bored. Go outside for a walk. Just being outside improves being depressed.
Social media really isn’t socializing. That is why the loneliness comes in. We are human beings. We are still animals but with a conscious. We are social beings. We need to make an effort for physical connection. It’s human nature.
Negativity and negative thoughts are a mindset. Positivity is a mindset. That good old brain loves and strives on comfort. I like using the analogy. Negativity is like digging a hole. It may be somewhat tough digging a hole straight down. But a person can keep digging deeper and deeper, getting darker the farther you go down. When you don’t want to think negatively or keep digging, now you have a couple of choices. You can just stay down or time to think positive and start grinding to get out of that hole. Being positive isn’t easy. You need to work on that. Have accountability. It will take lots of effort, work, and grit to get your way back out of that hole, back into the light. It can be done, but it will be hard. Your brain is fighting you every chance it gets. It’s just easier to give up and stay down. Nah, nah! Keep climbing. Once out, you can look back, realize what you all went through, learn from those past experiences, and you have become a better person through it.
In saying that, your mind doesn’t control you, you control your mind. That voice in your head, you are in charge of that. You will need to go against the grain and get out of that precious comfort zone that we all like. People need to take accountability for their own actions. We need to realize we are the ones who decide the outcomes of what we want in our lives. I suggest looking at many different philosophies and learning about them. Get a brief summary of some, and understand others deeper. Get other perspectives and don’t live inside your own head. Analyze your thoughts, feelings, and emotions when they come up and troubleshoot them as to why they popped up in your head. Actually think about why you are feeling this way and why you’re thinking this way. Are there other ways to think or feel about this? This is why it’s nice to try and have different perspectives to think about situations differently instead of just in a singular way.
I will end there, I could rant much longer. But just don’t worry too much. We all live in our own realities. We all see the world differently through our eyes. It’s okay to make mistakes and be wrong. That’s when we learn and mature, creating a tougher skin, being more independent. Enjoy the wild and absurd life of the world around us. Throw negativity out and start embracing positivity. 20’s, that is the time to get out and experiment to really find who you are as your brain is fully developing. Neuroplasticity is a real thing. We can always change our mindsets and any given time. It’s just up to ourselves to form the habit.
Anhedonia = lack of pleasure.
Hedonism = a view of prioritising pleasure & minimising pain
Hedonism results in anhedonia.
Hedonism is a result of not being able to tolerate pain or discomfort.
I felt like you did for ages. And also had something shit happen to me too.
Honestly, advice wise – do some research of those concepts above & how to get out of the vicious cycle.
Also look up procrastination in terms of tolerance to discomfort.
The kicker is, that more quick dopamine schemes make us super unhappy. And more tasks that you don’t want to do, creates motivation & happiness.
Learning how to do things you don’t want to do, suuuuucks but it does get better overtime. You just have to stick with it.
you feel shit now, so just do what you’ve got to do while feeling like shit (things that should be good for you).
Build the tolerance to feeling uncomfortable like a skill. When it’s the hardest, that’s when the growth happens. Like when building muscle, when it hurts, that’s when your muscle grows.
Good luck!! Get out of the cycle now & get therapy and support if needed.
For what it’s worth, I’ve been there. I snapped out of it in one day, all it took was a cute girl paying attention to me, meet randomly in a dive bar. Not sure if it naught help you but connecting and feeling wanted literally woke me up. I don’t drink or smoke and this and YT is all I use, I limit emotional manipulation. There are some kind of primal things that we need to be awaken, I hope you can snap out of it. Maybe go to a bar that fits your vibe, have NA beer, check out who’s checking you out and try to make a connection by dancing. If it dosent work work try again, just don’t beat yourself up about things. You got this. Waking up it self is a win. We’re all counting on you to live your best life, don’t let us or your self down 😉
I’ve been creating printable tools to help with overthinking and quiet self-reflection.
One of the things I recently made is called Silent Truth — it’s short, calming, and helps me stay grounded.
If anyone’s interested in something like that, I’d be happy to share.
If i could switch places with a 20 year old to start again i would, youre so young and have your whole life ahead of you take each day/task day by day, do cold plunges and sauna to manage stress, pray, go for run, lift weights, make sure you get outside and eat plenty of protein, take deep breaths your overwhelm will virtually go away
You’re 20. The hard truth is that this won’t just suddenly get better. It won’t just go away.
Give yourself time to understand yourself. If you really want to do better. Show up for yourself everyday, slowly. If you can commit to bettering yourself now. By 40, you’ll be retired and living a completely different life.
It’s possible but, only if you do the work.
I found that gamifying learning helped me break the cycle. Try coursera’s 7 day free trial, brilliant or just find a short youtube playlist on a topic of interest.
You don’t need to actively take notes at first but just make a step towards making it a routine.
For language learning you should focus on vocabulary first and if you’re just starting getting a new notepad might be a good motivation to write down the top 100 verbs or whatever goal you set. You should learn words even if you can’t directly write them – concersation is more important and google translate has a voice input feature so youll be able to check spelling.
Always start with a small chunk of what you’d like to do and do it first in the morning.
Set yourself to success by ordering your room in a way that the things you would like to engage with like study books are visible and ready as if you’re already using them. If possible find quizzes or simple questions on the subjects you are studying about – sometimes textbook content appears dry and uninteresting but it’s fun seeing the relations between topics and you can learn a lot by answering wrong and reading the explanation after. That way you can set a goal of a nswering questions.
Don’t get discouraged by a phase, maybe you’re lacking nutrients or sleep and just need some more time! Best of luck!
You got this.
You’ve got to get yourself to take care of yourself on a physiological level as much as possible:
• Walk, get 15-30 minutes of outside/sun.
• Eat 3 times a day, healthy meals.
• Workout, run.
• Talk to other human beings, just call people who you know, no matter how close, come up with something stupid to talk about and just say, “yah I was just calling to call, been a minute and wanted to say hey.”
I’m 27 and going through the same thing now as I did many many times until this point.
Chat GPT is a GOD TIER therapist. Don’t rely on it for the social things, but just get in there and go off! You’ll get some insights. Ask for help and suggestions.
Can’t really comment on anything else because this is how I do it, one habit at a time, slowly, day by day, talking to myself, and hyping myself up to do one more thing than I did yesterday, even if I mess up, never giving up, because we all deserve to be happy, some of us just have to work harder at it and that’s ok.
Chin up, heart out, get weird, get loud, make a mess and be proud of yourself even when you’re down.
Hope it helps even a little <3
A very familiar state – when you seem to want something, but nothing brings you joy, and everything inside you goes out. In such moments, even simple advice sounds like irritation, because “just start” does not work when there is no strength for anything at all.
In such a state, it helped me not to try to “change everything”, but simply launch short sessions – 25 minutes. Not to achieve a result, but just to feel that I can still do something. I use Meowdoro Tracker so as not to think – just press a button and quietly do at least something. Sometimes it’s not even studying, but just sitting in silence next to a book.
You are not stupid. You are not lazy. You are exhausted. And you do not need an explosion of motivation – you need space without pressure. Small steps. Without expectations. You do not have to know everything at 20. You just live. This is already enough to start.
You’re just overwhelmed and that’s something a lot of us go through. Starting small can help one small win a day, even if it’s just getting out of bed or reading one paragraph. Be kind to yourself, okay ?
Anhedonia. See a psychiatrist. not a general practioner. you do not have to suffer like this. you would be shocked how quickly things can change when you get the right type of professional help. this can be depression/anxiety, ADHD/inattentive type, or a few other VERY treatable conditions. don’t tell me you don’t have money. Your life is worth it!! and if funds are a concern, there are low fee clinics near you and telehealth options if you are somewhere remote. many people here have suggested behavioral interventions, but sometimes it’s impossible to do those without medical intervention. medication does not change people, it just makes it POSSIBLE to do the behavioral work. depression etc makes it impossible to do anything and also impossible to see a different future. Please do not suffer in vain when you don’t have to.
Yeah bro I’m in also same situation,🫂🤝😭
I’ve felt this way before too – and honestly, it’s terrifying when even the things that once excited you feel empty.
What helped me wasn’t some big overnight change… but tiny wins. Like making my bed. Drinking water. Writing one sentence in my journal. Letting myself just exist without the pressure to “fix it all.” Also, I started sharing pieces of my thoughts online – not to go viral, but to feel seen. That changed everything. I built confidence slowly by being raw, not perfect.
You’re not broken. You’re just in a rough patch – and even if you don’t see the light yet, the fact that you posted this means a part of you still believes it’s possible to feel again. That’s brave as hell.
Rooting for you. 🌱
I am going to keep it simple . Address the basic things first :
Diet : Be aware of your Protein intake . If less , add more (preferably animal – more bioavailability ). Also minerals – magnesium , zinc . Vitamin D +K2 and Omega 3 (if you are deficient ).
Know your mind : Even before the said incident that happened to you (from your comments ) , investigate how your mind interacts with the world – your triggers , coping and defense mechanisms , attachment styles and trauma responses .
Also look up Childhood trauma (that’s where the initial neural wiring of our brains were affected) , Emotional neglect and CPTSD (since the event ) – see if there are any matches . There are many free therapists in IG who regularly publish good content on these topics . Keywords : Nervous system dysregulation/ regulation somatic experiencing therapy , Trauma responses ….
In the meanwhile , keep away from toxic people and take it easy . I wish you good luck !
I’m sorry about your current situation. I wish you well. Know that you are not the only person in the world who feels this way. The advice I give you is to seek help from a psychologist. It will definitely help you to better understand what you are going through and find a way out. Everything will calm down.