Maybe it’s because I don’t have a social life, I spend most of my time at work and my little town doesn’t have much in terms of going out anyway, I have friends sure, and yes they do care, a lot actually, but I still find that void in me that craves the love of a partner, someone who will show me affection and say “I love you.” One of my friends is poly while I’m monogamous (Totally respect each other, no hate, no issues) they say they fall in love with all their friends, which is true, they’re still friendly to me, no worries, but once they asked why I won’t date them, just curious. I told them it was because I just, got over my crush on them, which is Partially true.
The truth is that when I told them I liked them, they (respectfully) told me that they’re flattered, but it would Never happen, okay, I get that, what happened after is that I made the Conscious Effort to kill Any and All romantic feelings towards them, and it worked, I can only see them As a Friend now, only for them to tell me a few years later that they do want to date me. I can’t, not anymore anyway, and plus it wouldn’t work out because again, Poly and Mono (They get this, no pushing further)
The downside is that I feel like I fall for people who will Never want me, or will only after I no longer want to be in a relationship with them for XYZ reason. It honestly hurts, seeing my friends fall in love and find someone who makes them happy, as happy as I am for them, it sometimes reminds me of how lonely I Actually am… I just can’t help but wonder if my turn for love will ever come or if I’m going to end up alone.
Comments
Youre not alone in feeling this way and just the fact that youre open to love means hope sometimes itv takes longer for the right connection to come along especially when youre holding out for something real and thats a strength not a flaw your heart is still open even after the hurt and that says so much about your resilience your turn will come love has a way of showing up when you least expect it