Me (22F) and my boyfriend (24M) hav even together now for nearly two months. It started off with him texting me that he was excited for upcoming dates, asking me how I am, etc.
The thing that started my questioning was when for my graduation, he invited me to his friend’s grad party rather than taking me out to dinner or celebrating me specifically. That night, I wasn’t able to really enjoy myself because he was really drunk and we had to leave after two hours or so. For context, he said he wouldn’t be at my graduation because he felt it was a special moment with my family (???). I also explained to him that I was a bit upset that he didn’t want to do anything solo that night, and he brushed it off by agreeing that I was dramatic (I only said I may be to lighten the mood) and that it was a celebration for multiple people. But like, I didn’t know them as that was my first time meeting his friends. They didn’t care about me, you know?
Secondly, the night before he left for vacation, I sent him a photo that day before he went to work and got no response even though he was on instagram. He didn’t even react to it like he normally would. I also suggested I see him again after he got off since id miss him, and he said he’d try. later that night I messaged him since it was getting late, and he said that he needed to sleep because his shift ended at like 10, but he would’ve liked to see me too if he wasn’t tired. I just felt like he could’ve slept over at my place if anything, you know? It wasn’t like he had an early flight. But I do understand as I had worked until 9 that night and was tired, but he has two jobs.
He’s out of town now, and he doesn’t text much. He said he’d miss me a ton the entire time and that he’d see me soon since he gets back next week. But if I don’t text him, I don’t hear from him. I brought up that I wouldn’t bother him while he’s visiting family, but he said he “didn’t have a problem with me checking in on him” and that he just wasn’t a huge texter. But it’s like, I feel like it’s not a hassle to ask how my day was or say good morning/good night if I don’t? He hasn’t asked me how I am doing or anything, even when I ask him. It’s like I’m talking to a wall.
In person, he is perfectly fine: hugging me, holding my hand, complimenting me, being super sweet and supportive, etc. He acts like an ideal partner and that’s why I was so happy to finally start a relationship with him. He’s never posted me, but I’ve met his closest friends and he doesn’t hide me in general. He’s very happy to announced that we are together.
I feel like I can’t really talk to him right now since he’s out of town and doesn’t ever call either. But I kinda wanted a bit of advice since I don’t know if it’s worth mentioning when he comes back. Or if I should just send him a message asking him to initiate more conversations in a lighthearted way. My friend told me to not text him today and let him initiate, so if I can, I will be seeing how long it takes for him to notice that I haven’t said a word. I don’t do anything major for the 4th of July since I don’t have family in town and he knows that, so he’d be the one busy though while I’m sitting around worried if he will even care.
I’ll probably delete this in a few days because I know he has Reddit and I don’t want him to see this lol.
TL;DR, my boyfriend barely initiates conversation with me and I feel like I am an unimportant part of his life. But I am unsure if I should speak to him about it as he said that he just doesn’t text a lot, but it would be nice to have even a slight of interest from him over text.
Comments
I feel like something I’ve learned is that you don’t need permission on if something is valid or if you’re overreacting. If something is important to you, it should be important to your bf to (within reason) fix. Even if he isn’t a huge texter, you’re right, it’s so low effort for him to just ask how your day was and stuff like that. I would bring it up and see how he reacts.
He told you he’s not big on texting already and you said its great when you are together, so its fine. He’s probably not but if he’s doing something bad that’s his burden. I would just get a hobby or focus on what I’m doing and not worry about it. You are young and this is all just practice anyway.
I am the same way I hate texting because I just want to emphasize the time I have with my partner when we are together to savor that moment. I use texting as a way to get together so I can then talk with my partner.
Believe it or not texting or any of this online garbage didn’t use to exist 🙂