I (28F) moved into my fiance’s (29M) house in the spring. I moved over 2 hours away and I really haven’t found my place here yet. Which likely has an impact on my emotions.
He works night shifts and never sticks to a consistent schedule when he’s home. A lot of days he’ll stay up for hours on end and then go to work on very little sleep. He’s usually staying up to go out to a store or hangout with friends. I work during the day from home, so I feel like I get robbed. When I get off of work he’s sleeping or with his friends.
It’s worthwhile hanging out. They like to go shoot archery. I’ve also hung out with his friends and their wives and they are very nice. I understand the need to be around his friends. I just don’t know if I’m being too entitled about time. On days where he has something planned with them he’ll come home from work at 8:00am go to bed at noon, and then make sure he’s up at 5:00pm to go shooting with his friends. Whereas if I suggest going for a walk, or fishing in the evening, he’ll say he’s too tired.
I feel like I have limited quality time with him. He’s working, sleeping, or with his friends. I just want him to make time for me like he does with his friends. The time the we do spend together is in front of a TV. It does feel a little like he takes me for granted. Maybe I’m overreacting, I don’t know.
He does know I’m lonely. He’s suggested that we can go to more community events or find a church. It’s a work in progress, but he also has suggested that I move back to the city where I was living (he always adds that he wouldn’t move with me). I absolutely hate that suggestion and I told him so.
The weekends are the only time I feel like I get to be with him now and that’s because we run errands every other weekend. I know we need to talk but we’re disconnected these days. Before moving in we used to see each other at least twice a week and it was often just us. Now we live together and see each other more but the quality has gone way down.
TL;DR: I feel like my fiance is spending most of his free time with his friends and prioritizes them. I want him to have time with his friends but I also want to be able to spend time with him. And this all might be coming from a place of loneliness.
Comments
I’m going to be honest, this isn’t going to work. Working opposite schedules is tough as is. And him only having energy for others is a huge red flag. Normally I’d say work through your differences. But he’s already shown you how low on his priorities you are. He literally suggested you move away. I hate to break your heart any more…. But cut your losses now.