My fiance caved my face in with his fist. They think I might lose my eye after surgery. I have been at my dad’s house with our two year old daughter. My dad is sick, so most of the time I am watching her alone and it’s been so hard because my orbital bone is shattered so I can only reliably use one eye. I am in so much pain and so tired. I can’t beleive this happened to me. All I ever wanted was to feel appreciated m, it was the last thing we were arguing about. I wanted to feel more seen in the relationship and I felt hurt and haunted by his past problems. I feel like I will never be happy ever again. I’m so tired and sad.
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Sweetheart! You WILL be happy again, but you are experiencing a very normal emotional response to the trauma you endured.
Did he get arrested? Do you have anyone besides your dad, around? You need a tribe of supporters right now.
There are so many services and support groups for survivors. If you need help finding them please reach out.
This is the national hotline page
https://www.thehotline.org/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=domestic_violence
Is he being held pending trial? Do you have an emergency RO for you and your daughter?
Do you have siblings, aunts or uncles who could help?
You are doing great, his violence doesn’t define you honey.
Mom hugs
Look at your child. You are out, meaning she is as well. You might lose that eye, but you saved your daughter. Every time you doubt yourself, just look at her, and know that you are strong.
jesus christ – you mean ex-fiance, right? Get that asshole out of your life, now.
Oh no. Honey. I think this is your body’s reaction to trauma and to feeling safe. Your fight or flight has been on high alert, and now it doesn’t need to be and you’re feeling exhausted. I’ve been there too and it does feel awful. Like, truly like you’ve been hit by a bus. And you’re right, trauma changes us. We don’t get to be the same people we were before big T trauma, but it’s not worse, it’s not better, it’s just different and it’s okay.
It must be so hard to be living with that and raising a daughter and healing from physical injuries and the stress of not knowing what the future will hold with your surgical outcomes. It’s so much. I wish you did t have to be brave, but you chose bravery and I’m really proud of you.
I see you, and far more importantly, your daughter will have a mom who faced abuse and chose safety, even when it was hard. If you have friends or cousins or coworkers, now’s the time to ask for help.
You’re doing a good job, lady. If you have the resources, try to get in to some therapy. I had a different type of big T trauma than you did, but therapy has helped me so much.
I am so so incredibly sorry. I am also a victim of DV (although not quite so scary) and I understand how very very painful, terrifying, and earth shattering this can be. When every moment you want so badly to scream, to cry, and to forget so you can just breathe again.
You can do this. You can do motherhood without him. You deserve SO much better. Don’t look back for any amount of begging or pleading from him. Do not go quietly into the night, Darling. Use every ounce of rage and frustration to propel you toward something better.
Do it for your daughter. Do it to SPITE this cowardly fuckwad that decided to mame his bride-to-be rather than put forth effort in the relationship. But most of all, do it for yourself.
I promise you that there is still joy waiting in your future.
You may feel this way now. Later you will be glad your daughter can see you as a strong, resilient woman. I’m sorry about your circumstance.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. It’s completely unfair but also a great chance to cut yourself some slack and feel appreciation for yourself! Your body is doing its best to repair itself while you wait for surgery, you are caring for your child despite feeling intense trauma, and you are so much stronger than what you may feel right now.
This random internet stranger is proud of you for trying to stand up for yourself and one day you will feel okay again
I’m so sorry.. ❤️
I hope you pressed charges and got a restraining order against him.
Sweetie, my heart goes out to you. I’m a survivor of DV also and agree with the others when I we say how brave and strong you are and how your Daughter will feel about you.
You feel exhausted because you’ve been in survival mode for so long. It’s time to learn to live and thrive, it will take time; you need to heal- mentally, physically and emotionally. Our scars do not define us and they do not dictate our future.
I suggest that you reach out to your local abuse groups and get into trauma counseling. The counseling will help guide you on your recovery and healing journey. It helps you make sense of all the emotions/non-emotions and find some peace.
I send you love and hugs. Reach out if you want to talk.
Oh honey, you are brave and strong. You are allowed to feel all the feelings right now but you have to believe you will get through this. You have saved yourself and your daughter and you should be proud of that. I am proud of you and wish I could give you a hug.
Please promise yourself and your child that you will never go back to him. He is not your fiance anymore. Press charges immediately.
Please be kind to yourself while you absorb the shock of what has happened and figure out what you’re gonna do about it. Please lawyer up quickly and stay vigilant. Don’t meet with him alone and talk to him only through your lawyer. I’m sorry this happened to you.
That feeling of nothing/everything is a natural response to the trauma. You’ve had an emotional and physical experience that you were in no way prepared for and your brain is in survival mode. You’ll have things come back in pieces and some of that will be overwhelming. Don’t be alarmed by your own responses, especially if they seem inconsistent initially.
The best thing you can do for yourself and your kiddo is focusing on recovery. Let your body get the rest it needs. Find a support group for DV so you’ve got the mental emotional support. Take it one day at a time. If possibly get into therapy so you can learn coping mechanisms before your brain stops “buffering” everything.
And for the sake of your child if not yourself, do not let that man back into your lives. What if the next time it’s your kiddo taking the hit because they weren’t being quiet enough? You both deserve better.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this but it seems that many red flags were ignored. You and your baby deserve better.
thehotline.org
https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/sense-and-sensitivity/201302/the-familiarity-principle-attraction?amp
https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/trauma-bonding
https://modelmugging.org/crime-within-relationships/abusive-personality-behavior/
You survived and you got out. You can handle this. I hope you get some well deserved rest soon.
I’m so sorry, OP! Lots of love to you and your daughter! Take the time you need to grieve, heal, and feel your feelings, but know that you will find joy again
Sweetheart
You are in the WORST of it right now. And I grieve for what you are having to go through.
This is the worst of it. Which means it will get better. It might take a bit, but it WILL get better 🩷
Ps. Please make sure you have a police report filed, even if just for a paper trail.
I’m sorry
I am glad you are alive OP. I hope your eye is saved, and you get to experience joy with your family again.
Reading that first sentence put me in a different kind of rage on your behalf. Irrationally angry.
You’re out. He could have killed you. Never ever forget that.
I’m so sorry about what you’re going through.
I watched my Dad beat up my Mom and I (as the older kid) had to break it up. It was extremely scary. I spent the majority of my childhood shaking at the top of my stairs with my sister most nights. My Mom threw my sister out of her car when she was 14 because my sister had a rage attack at my Mom and screamed at her to leave my Dad. My Mom was also psychologically abusing my Dad so this wasn’t a simple situation. A few months later she kicked my sister out of the house to live in a home with druggie kids from bad areas because ‘she was bad’. My sister wasn’t coping. I begged her to take me to a psychologist but she promised me no university would consider ‘a nutter’.
Long story short, we are both low contact with our parents and we know we didn’t really matter to them. They ruined our lives in some ways.
If this had stopped when I was 2 I’d have no memory of it. I wouldn’t have had to be lectured every day on the way to our expensive private school (where I felt nobody would ever understand this) ‘don’t you dare tell anyone or they’ll take you away’.
Sorry to dump on you, but please never consider going back. Ever. Abusers never love you.
This is so very sad. I hope and pray for a beautiful future for you after all this.
Aaargghh
Please tell me you have pressed charges. You will be happy again, so much happier now that he is out of your life. He is no longer your fiancé. He is an abusive ex that you need to steer clear of and do everything in your power to keep him away from your child. Please do not fall for any apology he may offer because he does not mean it and will only say it to get you to drop the charges. You deserve someone who will see you, love, appreciate and cherish you and he ain’t it. I know it’s hard now but rest and feel relieved you were able to get away alive and had a safe place to stay. You and your child are safe now. So many do not make it out alive. My heart goes out to you and I pray your surgery is successful and your vision restored!
You will feel happy again.
I promise. I don’t promise it eternally but I do promise you that you’ll have moments of joy.
That’s it.
But ohhhh those moments.
I’m in a hotel tonight. I’m almost forty. I have nothing, no money. I have two cats and an incredibly abusive marriage.
I think I’m getting out tomorrow! That’s scary bc of the abuse I don’t even know anything beyond I would like to exist in peace. The end. I have no money. I will struggle for food.
But I’m getting out tomorrow I think. And with my two cats. I convinced a motel to try them. And they’re only charging me one hundred for two cats, not two hundred. I could cry. I will have nothing except maybe, peace.
I hope I can stabilize within a month and get a second job shortly to save up enough to get out of the motel.
I’m swinging on a vine and I’m not Tarzan or an ape
..
But I think tomorrow I might have peace at a great cost.
But maybe the chest pains from constant abuse will stop, I will have my soul mates and be safe.
You can do it too. I’m genuinely scared as hell right now.
1st things the 1st.
It shouldn’t be your “fiancé”, it’s your Ex.
2nd, don’t go with the flow from here on. Take an inventory of your worth. Tomorrow, take an inventory of your growth. Rinse and repeat!
3rd. You got this! The only one stopping you is you!
No one should have to go through such evil. Man! Just so sorry op.
Sending strength and hugs 🫂
The posts on reddit sometimes get me speechless…. this is one of them. Oh my God, I am so sorry for you. I hope for you to get out of this engagement as fast as you can, I wish you to NOT lose your eye and actually have a successful surgery and most of all, I wish you to be strong! It will get better, you will be happy!!! You will endure, you are stronger than you think you are!
Oh dear OP I’m so terribly sorry you’re going through this 😢 😔 😞
You will survive and you can teach yourself to thrive. Walk slowly through your feelings. Don’t push them out too fast. Feel everything…fully. Feel nothing… fully, and then do it all again.
Do you have a trusted friend that is able and willing to help you through this? Your daughter is so young and probably a bundle of energy. Your father is sick and probably has some needs that are difficult for you while you are physically healing.
Remember this, you are not alone. Millions of women have experienced exactly what you are going through. There are resources available and you should reach out. PTSD is real and it will lie to you. You absolutely need help to balance that.
It sounds like you have a long road of healing ahead of you. It sounds like you’re lucky to be alive. You are alive and you will thrive. You don’t have a choice in this because it’s up to you to give your daughter the best mother.
I write this as the daughter of an abused mother. A mother who didn’t leave her abuser, my father. I write this as a 66 year old woman who is incapable of sustaining a loving, long-term relationship. I write this as a woman who lacks the ability to trust, or deserves the benefits that normal people enjoy.
I feel you sooo much.
I know exactly how frightening it is not being able to see anymore due to the trauma and not knowing if it’ll heal or be gone after surgery, while struggling to not go into panic mode completely.
In my case surgery was successful and you can’t even detect the scar anymore, so I’m able to forget about it most of the time. Therapy also helped immensely to work through and deal with it. Additionally I took some self-defense classes that worked wonders with my anxiety and self-worth, I highly recommend them.
I’m wishing you only the best outcome for your surgery, your safety, your physical and emotional well-being and that you’ll be able to leave this terrifying and devastating point in your life behind while getting stronger than before <3
Promise yourself and your child to never go back.
I hope he’s in jail tbh, I’m so sorry that you’re dealing with so much , send you a hug.
You will be happy again. Just make sure it’s without him. Keep you and your daughter safe.
Situations like these don’t get vetter, they escalate and get worse.
I hope he’s your ex-fiancé.
When I left my ex who would hurt me, I remember thinking life would be better and for a few years it was. Then I fell for someone who broke me again and thought to myself, it would’ve been better to stay with my ex. Maybe I’d at least be dead. Then I got through that extremely rough time in my life because I had family, friends and a fighting will prove I could have a better life they’d look at with envy (spite is a way of life). I’m now married to a great man, have 2 cats and bought a house. Life will be hard for a while and you may fall down again but remember it will get better. Your baby will be your guiding light. Your strength to leave him will be what pushes you through every dark moment to come. The day will come when you look back at this time and can almost laugh at how much you’ve gone through to be where you are, happy and watching your daughter be with someone who would never hurt her as you’ve taught her to be just as strong as you.
Did you know He was like that?
I am like your daughter. My dad hit my mom when I was a baby and blinded her in one eye. She ran to my grandparent’s house and I stayed there with her for a while. He came and begged for her back many times and she finally caved and got back with him.
She suffered 15 more years with this monster while he beat her on a regular basis. As a child, this is never something I can forget. The entirely of my childhood is a dark cloud because of it.
For the sake of you and your child, you have the power to walk away and never go back. Don’t make the same mistake my mother did. That’s the hard part of physical domestic violence is that it’s also emotionally destrustive.
I absolutely don’t blame her because she was being manipulated at the time. I hope my tragedy can help you see that you deserve better and to never return to this man. It will get worse, regardless of what you try and tell yourself. Don’t raise your child in this.