My girlfriend who I have been with for a year and a few months, is a really great person. She is nice, loyal, and everything I could’ve asked for. Every problem we have we talk through it. Well lately I must admit to a very shameful thing. Our sex life is mediocre. However we have agreed to not watch porn as it is lustful. Previously I admitted to her that I was watching it and she was understanding but also mad. I know it hurt her and I quit for a month or so. I have a really bad addiction that started when I was just 13. I have not told her that I started watching again. I have also jacked it to others that we both know. Which I know is super creepy. Something is wrong with me but I am not looking for tips for this. I am currently going to therapy.
This all started after some controversy with another dude trying to manipulate her into leaving me and getting with him. I felt so hopeless that I felt back into the addiction to escape I guess? I know it is wrong but I just can’t stop my addiction. Is the relationship practically over since I betrayed her? Should I end it now to save her from being further hurt?
There are some other issues that may have contributed to that problem. Firstly her sex drive is way lower than mine and she can go two weeks without any intimacy. I can’t. Next, she watches shows like Euphoria which have many nude scenes. It felt like a double standard to me. Lastly I felt like there were many double standards in our relationship. Such as when I try to hangout with my friends at hangouts and there are other girls there, she persuades me not to. I understand that partially. Well today on the 4th she went to a party with a bunch of guys there but it is okay apparently.
I feel like this relationship has turned into a mess and it is mainly my fault. It seems like I am just not attracted to her emotionally and it is purely lust. I want to believe that I love her but I know that the things I have done show that I don’t and I don’t deserve her. Is it the best to break it off now even though it will hurt both of us a lot?
Comments
End it. You’ve already left emotionally, the lies are growing, and staying will only hurt you both more.
If you’re emotionally checked out and your actions are hurting her, the kindest thing is to be honest and end it. Staying will only cause more pain for both of you.
“Every problem we have we talk through it.”
Do you?
“Our sex life is great”
“ Firstly her sex drive is way lower than mine and she can go two weeks without any intimacy. I can’t.”
Please reconcile those two statements for me, if you don’t mind.
Sounds like it’s been over, and you’re consciously just catching up to reality.
Sounds like you have a lot of things to work through, question is whether it’s worth working through them together? Porn addiction can be a real issue in your ability to not only pursue but maintain a relationship as you are always searching for that ‘release’. Intimacy becomes very difficult when you don’t regularly experience that dopamine hit especially if you are accustomed to receiving it on a daily basis. My advice is to reflect on what is right for you and ask whether she is someone who is going to help you bring out the best version of yourself. Mutual trust, hard work and communication all go a long way to fix what may still be there should you both wish to repair things. Otherwise, could be the case that the both of you are incompatible in some ways which indicates that maybe it’s just not meant to be. Only you can make that decision and decide if she is someone who you know will put the same amount of time and effort into sorting stuff out. If not, then it’s something that you will need to figure out with the support from your friends and family members instead. Good luck and all the best with whatever decision you make, take care in the meantime and do what you feel is right.
Two great people can be incompatible. “Nice” and “loyal” isn’t much to build a relationship on though.
You’re sexually incompatible, aren’t the best at being honest with each other, and she has trust issues with you, possibly because of your porn addiction. It’s hard to get past knowing your BF is regularly jacking off to images of other women. Can you not masturbate without?
My partner and I have occasionally experienced out of sync libidos, but we both manage those periods without porn via standard masturbation. Chronic porn use for masturbation causes issues that watching soft porn or whatever Euphoria is just doesn’t. So equating your porn use with her watching sexy programs is just silly. Women get turned on by soft porn, which, in our house at least, is good for both of us.
In any event, you two should break up. Never feel bad about doing that when you feel like a relationship isn’t going anywhere because it saves both parties time and makes room for a better match. Delaying helps nobody.