I’m M23, I wanna start out by saying I love my girlfriend, I would do absolutely anything for her and this issue is not big enough that I would leave her, it’s just something I want to ask to see if i could make it a little easier or something.
The problem isn’t really physical intimacy, it’s more that my girlfriend isn’t a sexual person in general, and has multiple times said I need to get her in the mood for her to even think about it. This obviously wasn’t an issue when we were actually together but now that we’re apart it’s gotten pretty difficult because I don’t really know how to do that over a phone because she doesn’t really like when I flirt much, likes it more when I do things for her I cannot do over the phone.
It’s caused me to wait until she initiates, which has turned into like once a month. Occasionally I’ll ask something sexual and she’ll reciprocate but nothing more than that. I feel like I need more intimacy, it’s not even just sexual either, she just doesn’t like affection as much as most people do.
Does anyone have any advice on what I should do? I would talk to her but i don’t want to sound like I’m trying to be one of those people who only cares about the sexual aspect of the relationship.
Comments
What’s the time horizon for the two of you to get together in real life? Is there an end game that you’re working toward? And how long do you think you’ll be able to last with unfulfilling intimacy?
I think these are the important questions. If you only had six months left until the two of you could live together, you might be able to last it out. But if it’s five years down the road, that’s a long time. And if she’s not willing to meet you where you are, it might just be a fundamental case of incompatibility. LDRs are hard. They’re not for everyone.
When I was in my last relationship, I had a talk with her about me initiating most of the time and it later turned to… you guessed it she said all I cared about was sex.
Only way you’ll know if you have to put up with this is if you have a serious conversation. If there isn’t mutual understanding then consider ending things.
Sometimes women are cool with a semi-open relationship with some strict boundaries…if you can follow them. She might want a little action as well. Note, you both need to be fairly mature and at your ages that probably isn’t possible to pull off yet.
At your age, you should be having as much sex as you can, enjoying the sexual prime of your life not keeping your dick in a box because of some girl who doesn’t do it for you. Go find others to hook with with, have some experiences. Be safe, let yourself live a little. The ultimate goal of doing this is to get good at sex, and figure out what you like and want in a partner in life, so you know when you find it and don’t wind up settling.
I’ve been there buddy.
Try some “spicier video calls” if you are both comfortable with it. I also recommend toys for yourself
> The problem isn’t really physical intimacy, it’s more that my girlfriend isn’t a sexual person in general,
This won’t change once you live together. Just saying. If you’re unfulfilled at the age of 23, I don’t want to ask you in the next 20 or 30 years.
If this is a big deal for you (feeling unfulfilled sounds bad) you should think about how worth this relationship is for you and for your partner, sometimes we love people we are bot compatible with, and that’s totally fine and valid.
Ps: And please, don’t try to force your gf to change and do anything she doesn’t want to. It’s better ending things than emotional abuse.