This morning my family had to put down our sweet 13 year old boy that we’ve had since he was a kitten. He had a rare form of cancer and went through chemo, radiation, and surgery.
This is the first pet euthanasia that I’ve experienced. With all my family’s other pets I didn’t go. Although it was peaceful, I feel traumatized. I keep picturing him slowly losing consciousness after they sedated him. I keep thinking about how he didn’t know what was happening. I can’t stop thinking about his limp body and how it looked like he was just sleeping. Or how they carried him out in a body bag. Or how I looked into his eyes for the last time. I feel like we betrayed him because he thought he was just being cuddled in my mom’s arms but instead she was holding him as they killed him.
He was such a sweet and affectionate boy and I feel so sad thinking that he’ll never see my mom again, who he was most attached to. He didn’t know that today was the last time he’d see her, be petted by her, lay on her lap…I just can’t accept that he’s really gone either and I can’t stop crying.
I thought being present for euthanasia would help me feel better (no regret about not being there, sense of closure), but instead I have that image burned in my mind and I’m afraid it won’t ever go away.
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I understand. We had to put down our almost 2 year old cat last year due to some birth defects he had that didn’t become apparent until he reached a more mature size but were seriously impacting his quality of life. It was the first time I had to be there for it as well. It sucked knowing we were saying goodbye but he didn’t know. We still cry every once in a while when we think about him. RIP to your pet, and I hope you can find peace with it soon.
One thing that did help me was knowing I’ll see him again. It truly isn’t the last time, it’s not goodbye forever, it’s just goodbye for now.
I went through something similar. Definitely a weird feeling for sure. It’ll fade, it’s not even been a day. I’m glad you were able to be there for him.
I’m sorry for your loss. It is a blessing that your cat just thought he was being cuddled, that sounds like a peaceful way to go. Dying naturally from cancer is a slow and painful process, your kitty was fortunate to get to go peacefully, without pain, while being held and cuddled by his family. Losing a pet absolutely sucks, I’ve been there and I know it hurts, but it sounds like you did right by your kitty to be there and comfort him as he transitioned from this earth to the beyond.
Listen. Your precious pet drifted off to sleep in your mom’s arms. There is literally no better way for a pet to go than safe, warm, comfortable, and happy. You didn’t betray him. You granted him the mercy of a better death than most of us will ever get.
You were with your cat. Your cat had people that loved it all around–who held and loved it until it died. Your family chose to end suffering rather than let that poor cat live in pain and deteriorate from a terrible illness. Your cat went peacefully surrounded by love. It is never easy and grief is hard. It is a trauma to have a beloved pet euthanized. It is the worst part of owning a pet. But your family made the right choice. We waited too long with our 18 year old cat and it made things so much worse.
I experienced this when I put my beloved cat down a couple years ago. She was my baby from age 18 to 32. She was my heart, my perfect baby girl. She got a serious infection that her body couldn’t fight and there was no other choice but to put her down. The feeling of her going limp in my arms was traumatizing. It really is still burned into my memory. I hate thinking about it.
But I remember that her last moments were me and my partner petting her and telling her how much we loved her. I pet her and hugged her and thanked her for everything. Despite how awful the experience was for me, I hope that she was comforted in her last moments. I had a baby about six months before this. I truly believe she waited until she knew I’d be fine without her. She seemed so content in her final moments.
Your cat went in the arms of a loved one and with you there, they would have gone to sleep knowing they were loved. My sister had had a pup to sleep in her arms while me and her husband stoked her and told her she was loved. It IS traumatising but it eases, it takes time but soon you’ll remember them with a bit less sadness each time and you’ll always miss them but good memories will overtake the bad 💕
Losing a pet, even if you know it’s for the best is traumatizing. I recommend playing some Tetris as it helps your brain process things and may lesson effects of PTSD.
As for your sweet boy, you guys saved him from months of pain and suffering and he drifted off to sleep surrounded by everyone he loves. I promise you didn’t betray him. Cancer is awful and your cat would’ve suffered more – we can all only hope to pass away surrounded by loved ones in our sleep.
Ugh, yeah. This is such a hard thing to deal with. I feel the same way after having to euthanize my pets (I’ve had to euthanize five pets in the last 15 years). I just have to remember that they were suffering and that releasing them from that suffering was a kindness. It still hurts. And that sense of betrayal and guilt that you feel is normal but if you focus on the love that you had for them that can help minimize the negative feelings.