Me (F/28) and my BF (M/27) (1 year together) are dancers. We used to go out dancing quite a bit (salsa & bachata dancing). Usually the way our routine would go is that we would go meet up at home and then go out together or meet up at the dance place after work and wait for the other one to arrive, go in together, dance for a few songs at least and then later on dance with some other people, dance with each other again, dancing about 50% with each other and 50% or less with other people, but spend time at the beginning talking, maybe getting a drink first, sharing a few dances together first. This made it feel like we were going out TOGETHER.
Also side note, it’s totally normal for dancers to dance with people other than there partner. Some want to only dance with their partner, some dance with their partner more than anyone else, but also dance with other people.
Well the past 3 months I only went out about 2-3 times because I had an illness for a while that was causing me really bad chronic fatigue and joint pain. But recently, it has gotten a lot better and so I was excited to go out again. During this time, he’s mostly gone out by himself, usually once or twice a week.
A few days ago I wanted to go out dancing and he said was like “okay sounds good.” Then later changed his mind and said he’d rather go out alone because he needed some alone time since they made him work overtime everyday this week and our relationship had been a little tense, probably bc of my illness and other things. He said he’s trying to work on saying his wants and needs and trying not to feel guilty about it. I understood. But was kind of put off by it because he’s literally gone out dancing EVERYTIME by himself these past few months aside from about 2-3 times.
Also, another side note… don’t assume he’s cheating, he’s not. We both know people who go out to these places and if he were, they would see him doing it and tell me. Also he’s just not like that. Plus, we sleep next to each other every night and he always tells me how it goes and has no signs of guilt whatsoever.
Anyway, even though I was a bit upset, I understood considering the circumstances with his work and everything. Well he comes home and tells me he didn’t have that much fun bc it was dead and that he should have came home early and hung out with me and that he’s really excited to go out dancing with me the following Tuesday.
Tuesday rolls around and he didn’t communicate anything about when he was gonna show up like we would usually do, just sends me a text that says “ill see you there” around the time both of us are heading there. I call him confused where he is at and he tells me he’s almost there. I was like “oh I’m like 25 mins away.” I was kinda surprised he didn’t communicate this to me earlier. Then he tells me he’s going to go in and start dancing and I can meet him inside. To me this doesnt feel like going together. This feels like him going out dancing and seeing his friends and I’m just showing up. He called me when he got there and said “do you not feel good? Is that way you seem like you don’t want to go?” (He could tell by my tone that I wasn’t happy). I said no it was just I didn’t want to go in by myself and dance with someone I don’t know right off the bat. He said “okay, but you’re okay if I start dancing with other people?” I said yes because at the time I wasn’t sure why I was upset and I dont get jealous of him dancing with others. He ended up getting there only 12 minutes before me and couldn’t even wait to go in with me like he used to. It makes me feel unimportant and like this isn’t a date but me just being there while he goes out dancing by himself. He used to wait even longer if I was like 20 mins behind him or something.
I sit in my car upset, trying to calm down. He calls me and asks where I am (I’ve now been parked for 30 mins). I tell him that Im just reading something and Ill be in soon. He pauses and says “idk why youre being like this in an obviously upset tone.” I tell him “im just stressed and im trying to calm down. Please just go have fun. Ill be inside soon.” He replies “okay” in an irritated tone and hangs up on me.
All of this really upsets me. It sometimes takes me a while to process and understand what I’m feeling. I don’t like dancing with random men most the night bc then there’s a higher chance ill come across someone creepy and especially bc they won’t see I came in with my partner. Also it just felt rude and inconsiderate and not like a date like it used to. I feel like even friends wait for each other when they go out dancing. But maybe I am over reacting. What do you think?
TLDR: Boyfriend cant wait 12 minutes to go into the dancing place together and starts dancing with others before I arrive. Then gets annoyed that I’m stressed in my car.