I (17M) and a girl (17F) started talking several months ago. Right from the start, she told me very clearly that she didn’t want a relationship. I agreed and respected her boundaries — but over time, I fell for her deeply. We connected so well. She used to call me on her own, say things like “Please talk to me,” and genuinely cared about what I was going through. She never judged me and always listened.
We shared a deep emotional bond. Sometimes we even imagined a future together — talking about how we’d get married, what our first night would be like, and built stories around it. That made me feel like maybe she had feelings too. Whether she meant it seriously or not, I don’t know — but for me, it was real.
Then one day, she told me we should stop talking. She felt guilty for hiding our chats from her parents, who are her top priority. That same day, I confessed that I love her. She didn’t reject me — instead, she respected my feelings and agreed to keep talking at least during my exams, so I could stay mentally stable.
After exams, she pulled away again. She said we shouldn’t call or message anymore — only if it’s about homework. I’ve tried to respect her decision, but honestly, I’m not okay. I think about her constantly. I cry, I feel empty, and I keep hoping to hear from her.
Just recently, I sent her a long message explaining how I feel — that I love her and I can’t stay away. She replied saying, “Please don’t love me… I feel bad when I see you sad because of me.” But later that evening, she actually called me — she said she called only because I was feeling low, and that she cares.
I asked her once why she doesn’t talk like before. She said, “I don’t feel like talking to anyone these days.” Maybe it’s mood swings or stress, I’m not sure. But I miss her a lot. I don’t expect her to love me back, but I just want her in my life — even if it’s just as a friend, like before.
She might’ve moved on, but I’m still stuck in everything we shared.
I’m trying to stay strong, but it’s hard. I’d appreciate any advice or support.
TL;DR:
17M fell for a 17F who was upfront about not wanting a relationship. They got emotionally close anyway. Now she’s distant again, and he’s struggling to let go. He still wants her in his life, even just as a friend, but doesn’t know how to move on.
Basic Info:
My Age/Gender: 17M
Her Age/Gender: 17F
Country: [Optional]
Relationship Status: Single
Looking for: Advice, support, and understanding
Type of relationship: Friendship-turned-one-sided-love
Duration of contact: Several months
Comments
I’m so sorry, buddy, but there can’t be a “like it was before” anymore.
She knows now that you have feelings for her. A friendship only works if both people feel the same – platonic friendship – towards one another and are thus equals.
But the moment one person wants more than friendship and the other person doesn’t, things get… messy.
To the person without the romantic feelings (“Person A”), the friendship often starts to feel “fake” – like “This person is only still friends with me because they want to stay in my orbit, hoping for more.” They start to distrust the other person’s (“Person B”) intentions. Without trust, there is no healthy friendship possible.
Person A might start to feel very uneasy around Person B. Think “Ugh, will he/she check my ass out if I turn my back?”
The friendship feels like a dying thing anyway because it needs to die the moment Person A wants to date someone else. No new partner wants their love to hang out with someone who has feelings for them, so Person A will cut Person B off for the sake of their new relationship. And Person B would be absolutely miserable anyway if they would have to watch Person A with someone else all the time.
As such, no contact and just giving it time is the way to go, sorry. Most people have to go through heartbreak sooner or later and there is sadly no magical cure to make it go by faster. Just keep busy, rely on your friends and family to support you if you feel down and take it one day at a time.