I’ve been in a situationship for 6 months… He’s very nice to me, but I know he doesn’t want a serious relationship and only reaches out when he wants sex. Ngl, I also enjoy sex with him very much, but I’ve postponed my plans, my health and myself in general really, just to hook up with him.
Today, I wasn’t feeling really well. I’ve got a headache since morning and I’m taking antibiotics for a UTI. He asked if he could come see me. I was actually feeling a bit better, and thought why not. Then it came to me: gurl, your health is first, you don’t need to see him every time he texts…
I told him no, I was honest and said I wasn’t feeling really well. He said “alright, get better”. Of course, not a single question about how I…
Guys, wtf, as I was writing this my doorbell rang. He came anyway and brought some lunch for the two of us?!
I don’t know what to think of this. I guess I’ll just enjoy lunch for now.
UPDATE:
First thing I said was why he came over even though I told him I wasn’t feeling well. He apologised and said he thought it would be nice to bring some food since I was probably not in the mood for cooking. That was nice, ngl. I thanked him for the gesture, but told him I would have appreciated if he had told me about his plan beforehand. I’m not a surprises person, so yeah, it was still kinda awkward.
He has not initiated sex. Well, at least not yet. He went to get some dessert while I make some tea and coffee. I’ll make sure to tell him I’m not in the mood if he tries something. But nothing tells me he’ll do that for now… I’m shook, but still feel a bit suspicious about all this.
UPDATE 2:
I was completely transparent with him: I said I was hoping he didn’t come over with the idea of convincing me into having sex. He didn’t act offended at all, and said he wasn’t planning on that, and just wanted to make sure I was alright, and “maybe cuddle a little bit” ??? Like, guys, nah, I’m not buying it… This had made me realise I’ll have complete power over this because I’ve decided I will. I’m not ever going to say yes if I don’t want to, and that’s the end of it. I feel the energy is a bit awkward, because we’ve only meet up when we want sex. This is so odd. I’m sure some you will understand the feeling I’m talking about. This is the first and last time he’ll cross a boundary and that’s the end of it.
Comments
i mean, did he try to fuck still?? cuz if he didn’t, that was kind of a nice thing for him to do in response, albeit he didn’t ask if that was okay to do. i’m so proud of you, though. genuinely. saying no is SO hard for me, too, and i really feel you there. you’re awesome!
Enjoy lunch, and enjoy what i really hope is time with a guy who cares.
So he came over even though you said no? You know he’s gonna still try and get his cookies.
He doesn’t care about your health, he just want sex and he came to get it regardless.
I hope I’m wrong.
Please see that you told him he couldn’t come see you, and he did anyway. My husband did this to me while we were first seeing each other, and he later admitted he would do it to make sure I wasn’t secretly with other men (or women, I’m bi). Your consent is important and that includes someone coming to your place of residence. I used to say no due to sickness, or even just having a bunch of acne and wanting to stay in my PJs with my overnight face mask on and not be seen. But I wasn’t given the choice, and he’d do it under the guise of being a nice guy, bringing snacks or DVDs, etc. But really he was just making sure I wasn’t sleeping with other people, even though we also weren’t exclusive at that point.
Watch out for yourself. Real “nice” guys respect a no. He could have doordashed you some food or medicine and still been respectful of your lack of consent.
How you feel depends on what he does now. If he just brought you food because he knew you weren’t feeling well, cool. If he’s still trying for sex not cool.
Also I want to say you did great to say no and prioritize your health 💚💚💚 you absolutely deserve to say no when you feel like it, and especially to make sure you aren’t neglecting yourself and your own life for some guy, casual or no.
Update
Yeah lunch is just a last ditch effort to still get sex until proven otherwise in my opinion 🤷🏼♀️
It really depends on what he did while he was there. Did he just get you lunch and see if there was anything he could do to make you feel better, or did he push to hang out, try to cuddle+, etc.?
The fact that he didn’t ask you about how you felt isn’t necessarily a red flag. Some people aren’t good at asking questions. They’re worried that they’ll ask the wrong thing and cause a problem. If that’s the case with him, you shared what you were comfortable with telling him and he didn’t press it. (Some people ask a lot of questions in conversations, others bring up a story and expect others to then offer a story of their own so everyone determines what they want to talk about.)
Him just showing up is also not necessarily a red flag. Some people grew up in families that just show up. If you’re not feeling up to Friday night family dinner, someone will show up at your doorstep with a casserole or leftovers from the dinner.
This is a “talk about” moment because we all grow up with different expectations for politeness. He might be a boundary pushing jerk or he might see showing up as a sign of caring. Don’t assume one way or the other. Be clear on what you’re comfortable with and find out what he’s comfortable with.
So this is where I have issues.
On the surface it’s cute. Right, dude did a nice thing.
But it’s worrying that you struggle with setting boundaries. And the first time you set one, first time you said no, he just stomped all over them. Showed up anyways. Didn’t ask if he could bring you lunch. Didn’t tell you he was coming over. Didn’t even ask if you could use anything in particular…
But of course, how can you possibly turn him away, he did such a “nice” thing.
And this may truly be a clueless dude trying to do a nice thing.
But given your struggles with implementing boundaries, I’m leaning more towards the skeptical side. This is how we see the beginning of love bombing. Not that I’m saying he’s doing exactly that. But it’s just weird behaviors, overly grand gestures that one feels obliged to go along with because who in their right mind would say no to such a nice gesture.
Try saying no again and see what happens.
No doubt he is giving you thr UTI so it’s best you do give it a break and also ask him to wash his stinky penis
Probably there to check you’re not having fun with someone else.
This is not cute at all.
No comments, only this post…this sounds like creative writing karma farming
You should be suspicious. Bringing you food, handing it to you, then LEAVING would have been the considerate thing to do, not horning his way in with a “gift” and making you entertain a guest when you’re not feeling well. I got fifty bucks on him trying to initiate sex before he leaves for good. Please be careful.
Gurl he’s trying to make u reward him with sex.