I found gay porn in my boyfriend’s camera roll

I(25f) just found gay porn on my partner (25m)of 5 years’ phone… I was closing out his apps and plugging his phone in before bed and saw a screenshot of full on anal gay porn… I made the stupid decision to look into his recently deleted and found much much more… screenshots galore… different positions… rock hard full frontal nudity… I started shaking. I guess he forgot to delete one of the screenshots which led me to this. I quickly closed the app and tried to just continue getting ready for bed… but like, how tf and I supposed to just move on and chill from that?
We’ve had issues in the past regarding intimacy, sex, porn, and the whole thing that many other people have dealt with. He was VERY promiscuous before me. Me? Not so much. When we first started dating he was still taking to other women, but not being physically with anyone else… and then I found out he had a sugar daddy. Nothing more than just sending him pictures and talking, but I quickly put an end to that. Things got better, and then he disclosed his previous experiences with trans women, and having threesomes with both trans and cis women, and like cool, that was your thing, but I want a monogamous relationship. He said he was more than okay with not opening our relationship at all, and that I was the only woman he wanted. And then he cheated on me with a trans woman after we got into a huge argument, again not physical, just texting and sharing images… that was 4 years ago and nothing has happened since, that I know of… I’ve asked him before if he thought he was bi. FUCK, I thought I was bi for YEARS until I got off birth control, I wouldn’t judge or shame him or think any differently of him, I’d love him all the same.

We’ve had some serious issues in the bedroom over the past 2 years… I had gained quite a bit of weight and was super depressed and anxious for a while, but over the past 6 months I’ve lost 30 pounds and have been the happiest I’ve ever been, but I’m still lucky if we have sex more than once every 2 weeks, if that… we’ve talked about it repeatedly and nothing has changed… I ask him to initiate, he does maybe once and then could go like 3 weeks without touching me. I ask if we can fool around and make out… maybe once a week… I try to initiate and get turned down constantly. When we do have sex he can’t finish. He says he doesn’t watch “that much porn,” but come on… if you can’t get off to fucking your girlfriend, who you say is the “most beautiful woman you’ve ever had the pleasure of laying eyes upon,” it’s telling… I’m just tired.

If he wants to be with someone with different anatomy than me, that’s fine, live your life. If porn is the issue, I’ve offered to help him find a therapist and he’s said he wants to stop watching it, but continues and lies. All I want for him is to be happy, but this is exhausting, mentally draining, and absolutely destroying my self image. I already have issues comparing myself to other women, how tf could I compare to a trans woman or a man? I simply can’t, I could buy a strap on and tell him to fuck my ass, but that’s not the same and he’s literally told me he won’t do anal with me… I know I’m ranting and just rambling on at this point, but I have literally nobody to talk to and I’m so tired… I’m going to have a conversation with him at some point today. Hopefully he actually talks and doesn’t just try to shut me down… if not, it looks like I’m going to have to kick him out and find a way to move on… this fucking sucks. This is the man I was planning on spending the rest of my life with, our anniversary was literally last week and my birthday is this week… he didn’t even try to make out with me on our anniversary, let alone fuck me. Just went to dinner, came home, and played video games… I’m so tired of the lack of intimacy, of the lying, of the talking in circles and being “okay”-ed to death… I just want the truth and to feel loved physically. Thank you for reading internet strangers, and fuck porn, that shit sucks.