I (37f) didn’t know I had a biological father until I was around 11-12yr old. I have an adopted Dad who I thought was my bio dad, until I found my birth certificate.
Here’s what I knew about Bio Dad prior to the Facebook incidents.
1) He was out of my life by the age of 3, as that’s when my AD(adopted dad) married my mom.
2) I had cancer when I was an infant, he didn’t help emotionally, financially, or was even around during this time. My mom was a 19yo single parent and dealing with this with little help from family, let alone him.
3) Theres some not so subtle hints at some physical abuse from him towards my mom, that ive heard from some of my relatives.
4) The only time I recall him actually reaching out to me other than on fb, was when I was 23, he called my mom drunk and wanted to talk to me, she said absolutely not (as per my request).
Okay here’s where we start down the rabbit hole.
I decided one day a couple years after the drunk call, that I wanted to see what this guy looked like, and see if I wanted to reach out to him. So, as any armchair detective would do, i hop on the ole’ fb and started digging. There wasn’t much information on his page at all, but I could see what he looked like, and all the basic info about him. Doesn’t really seem like a classy guy, to say the least.
I dont know exactly when, relative to the timeline of looking for him, that i looked in my message requests and i see one from him. Actually there were multiple messages. One from him, one from his (not yet ex) wife, and one from his adopted mom. Yes, he and his twin brother were also adopted so, it’s gonna be real difficult to figure out family medical history, but I already had cancer, what else can they really bring to the table.
Message from his wife was “Your dad wants to reach out to you”… okay. Cool intro, step mom. Side note: AD and mom divorced when I was six, and he remarried when I was like 8, and I didn’t have a good relationship with my step mom (or my AD for that matter) during this time, so I wasn’t here to get myself another step mother who hated me.
Message from the Bio Dad, was something along the lines of “just know ive always loved you, and I tried to be in your life, blah blah blah”. Obviously this message fixed all my broken pieces in one go, thats why i remember it so vividly 😂.
Eventually I think i did message him, saying that, I only heard that once about him trying to be in my life, and that my mom raised me and I didn’t need another POS father (maybe a little nicer in language? Idk, maybe not).
He responded to that in the worst way possible to get into my life, he blamed it all on my mom. Said that she was keeping me from him, that he wanted to be there and she wouldn’t let him, etc. I didn’t like that response one bit.
During this time I was curiously looking at his fb page every once In a while. There were two posts that made me go unhinged. One, was a little down the timeline, and it said “all ive ever wanted was to have my daughter in my life” and in the comments he told one of his friends this sob story about how my mom is a terrible person and pushing all the blame onto her (like with his message to me).
Second one, I lost it, and all respect for him.
This one was a long winded story posted on Thanksgiving about how one thanksgiving, he had no money for a dinner and was taken in by two older ladies, because he was working so hard to pay for his daughter’s cancer treatment and was giving all the money to his daughter, and how even today he’s grateful for people bringing him in give him a hot meal, because he was so down and out. BUUUULLLLLSHIT. first of all, Ronald McDonald foundation paid for my medical bills, and second, he didn’t help in the slightest take me 6 hours away, stay with me in the hospital, or help my mom in any way. People in that post were talking about how he’s an angel for being such a good dad and how one day id get how much he’d gone through. If I rolled my eyes any harder, I would have seen inside my head.
I had basically told him in a final message to him, that he gave up his rights, don’t ever talk about my mom again, and I already had issues with one dad, I didn’t need another.
But in a happier note, I do talk to his twin brother, who is a stable, kind human.
Btw, he’s been cut off from his entire adopted and biological family, for being a parasite. So.. i don’t think i made a bad choice.
Comments
Backup of the post’s body: I (37f) didn’t know I had a biological father until I was around 11-12yr old. I have an adopted Dad who I thought was my bio dad, until I found my birth certificate.
Here’s what I knew about Bio Dad prior to the Facebook incidents.
Okay here’s where we start down the rabbit hole.
I decided one day a couple years after the drunk call, that I wanted to see what this guy looked like, and see if I wanted to reach out to him. So, as any armchair detective would do, i hop on the ole’ fb and started digging. There wasn’t much information on his page at all, but I could see what he looked like, and all the basic info about him. Doesn’t really seem like a classy guy, to say the least.
I dont know exactly when, relative to the timeline of looking for him, that i looked in my message requests and i see one from him. Actually there were multiple messages. One from him, one from his (not yet ex) wife, and one from his adopted mom. Yes, he and his twin brother were also adopted so, it’s gonna be real difficult to figure out family medical history, but I already had cancer, what else can they really bring to the table.
Message from his wife was “Your dad wants to reach out to you”… okay. Cool intro, step mom. Side note: AD and mom divorced when I was six, and he remarried when I was like 8, and I didn’t have a good relationship with my step mom (or my AD for that matter) during this time, so I wasn’t here to get myself another step mother who hated me.
Message from the Bio Dad, was something along the lines of “just know ive always loved you, and I tried to be in your life, blah blah blah”. Obviously this message fixed all my broken pieces in one go, thats why i remember it so vividly 😂.
Eventually I think i did message him, saying that, I only heard that once about him trying to be in my life, and that my mom raised me and I didn’t need another POS father (maybe a little nicer in language? Idk, maybe not).
He responded to that in the worst way possible to get into my life, he blamed it all on my mom. Said that she was keeping me from him, that he wanted to be there and she wouldn’t let him, etc. I didn’t like that response one bit.
During this time I was curiously looking at his fb page every once In a while. There were two posts that made me go unhinged. One, was a little down the timeline, and it said “all ive ever wanted was to have my daughter in my life” and in the comments he told one of his friends this sob story about how my mom is a terrible person and pushing all the blame onto her (like with his message to me).
Second one, I lost it, and all respect for him.
This one was a long winded story posted on Thanksgiving about how one thanksgiving, he had no money for a dinner and was taken in by two older ladies, because he was working so hard to pay for his daughter’s cancer treatment and was giving all the money to his daughter, and how even today he’s grateful for people bringing him in give him a hot meal, because he was so down and out. BUUUULLLLLSHIT. first of all, Ronald McDonald foundation paid for my medical bills, and second, he didn’t help in the slightest take me 6 hours away, stay with me in the hospital, or help my mom in any way. People in that post were talking about how he’s an angel for being such a good dad and how one day id get how much he’d gone through. If I rolled my eyes any harder, I would have seen inside my head.
I had basically told him in a final message to him, that he gave up his rights, don’t ever talk about my mom again, and I already had issues with one dad, I didn’t need another.
But in a happier note, I do talk to his twin brother, who is a stable, kind human.
Btw, he’s been cut off from his entire adopted and biological family, for being a parasite. So.. i don’t think i made a bad choice.
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AI Slop.
You can choose your friends…
You are barely even trying, OP. D-