so i’m not sure what to do about this and it’s been bugging me. i found my friend’s boyfriend on tinder. they’ve been together for a while and she’s pretty serious about him. i’m not like super close with him but we’ve all hung out a bunch and he’s always acted like he was really into her.
i feel like i should tell her but i also feel really uneasy about it. what if it’s an old profile or they’re on a break or something i don’t know about. i don’t want to cause drama or ruin anything if there’s some explanation. but i’d also feel awful not saying anything if he’s actually cheating.
just wondering what other people would do in this situation. would you tell your friend or just leave it alone. i don’t want to be the reason everything blows up but i also don’t want her to get hurt.
Comments
If you’re worried about it then mind your own business.
First – take screenshots if you haven’t already.
Honesty is always a good thing, but perhaps you can word it innocently and say “I think someone is catfishing as your boyfriend” that way there is no blame and she can make her own conclusion on the matter.
If you wanna be a bit nosy, maybe have a friend of yours that is in a different circle try and find him too and see if they get a match. See what he says in the convo and if that influences your feelings on the matter.
How close are you with this friend?
I’m on bumble and so is my fiancée. We have an open relationship, just for sexual purposes as a fwb.
Personally I’d want to know if a guy I was seeing had an active profile somewhere.
I have an old tinder profile out there somewhere and I am happily in a 10yr relationship. I don’t cheat I’m not looking to date anyone else. It’s just there from before her and I never took it down
A lot of times the messenger gets shot
Mind your own business.
Where do your loyalties lie? Ponder that question and there you will find your answer.
Take screenshots and let your friend know. It could be an old profile, my friend got in a lot of hot water because he deleted the app but didn’t deactivate his profile. If you don’t know the bf that well, let your friend handle it. You’re not causing drama by telling her, you’re preventing heartache down the road if this is a legit problem.
Did you swipe right?
I’m usually of the opinion that people should mind their own business but if he’s showing up as an active profile on Tinder I’d take screenshots and tell her. Could be innocent, most likely is not innocent.
Download a app to text send the pic there and delete it after
I would tell her just that- I dont know if you two are on a break/maybe this is an old account, but I ran into your boyfriend on this dating app and send a screen shot.
Ive done it- if it was me on the other side, I wouldve wanted to be told. What she does with that, is not on you. The breakup if he is cheating is not on you. Its on him if he is. And if hes not- than it just shows you have her back.
Unless shes unreasonable/delusional.
But you know her better than anyone if she can handle this. But me personally, I wouldnt be friends with someone who would come at me for having her back.
Its not your buisness- but now it became your buisness ,because he crossed your dating app. He should’ve had it deleted if they’re dating anyway💯
But again- you know her better than anyone. Me personally, I would like to know. But thats me and I would considered it as a sign of trust and loyalty for someone to have my back.
But thats me 💯 my opinion
just to let you know. idk if its still true but years ago if you just deleted the tinder app instead of deactivating your profile, then your profile would still show up for other people. So if this is still true he could’ve never deactivated his profile.
I’m a girls girl who will always let them know no matter what, as if I were in their shoes I would 100% want to know.
Usually I send the proof, and say “look, I am not here to start drama at all, I’d rather stay out of this, but I found this and wanted you to know”. If it’s a tinder profile etc you can never be sure it’s 100% them, so always say you’re “not sure if it’s real, but just in case”.
Elaborate on you not wanting to start drama or be involved, and leave it at that. The offending boyfriend can’t be mad due to it being on the internet publicly, that’s on him for being dumb.
If you REALLY don’t want to get involved, just leave it, or send her photos from an anonymous account. I completely get not wanting to start things, hurt her, etc. but I feel as though there is a duty of care to follow here, would you feel okay sitting back watching your friend be totally mad over this guy while he’s out potentially seeing other women?
These are just my morals, infidelity is never okay & I would always want to know if I was in the other girl shoes. In the end it’s down to what you value, peace or honesty. 🙂
Dump him and run
Mind your business
Could be a scam account. A friend of my sister’s told her that she had matched with me on Hinge. Problem is, I am in a +3 year relationship and have never had a Hinge account. Fake account and when I tried to contact Hinge about it, they said there’s nothing they could do to help since I do not have an account! So…
Screenshot and share it with her. He could infect your friend with a STD
Screenshot and give her the info. Some good advice in the comments. They should always know
Some of these comments aren’t it, if you care about your friend and her feelings, you have to tell her. Even if you give him the benefit of the doubt and it’s an old account, it’s still right to tell her. Get screenshots, make 100% sure it’s him, and tell her in person with your proof. She has the right to know and I’m sure you would want her to do the same if the situation were flipped
My advice leave it be. I had a friend who I shared info with on her partner being slimey and now they’re married with a baby on the way and I haven’t talked to her since 💀
Give your friend my id
Growing up we’d stay out of each others business. Nowadays, the right thing to do is to screen grab it and text it to her. There’s too many diseases rolling around
I always feel like minding your own business is the best approach
Niiiiiiiiiice
Who cares? Just let him run around. They’ll figure it out.
Last time I told someone that their girl is on tinder it turned out they had an open relationship. He was all embarrassed about me bringing it up
Absolutely tell her.
You are on Tinder?
Let her know, I also had this happen. However when I told my friend she said “I know someone else has told me this too but don’t worry I’ve spoken to him and it’s actually someone using his photos on a fake profile” (this man was not good looking enough for someone to be catfishing as him – I know that sounds mean)
Just be supportive and gentle but you should really let her know.
Yeah let her know. I’ve been cheated on before and I only wish someone had told me sooner
Trust your gut. If you feel uneasy, follow that. I had the same thought, it may be an old profile that he forgot about (I could totally see that happening). If it were me, I’d leave it alone, especially if their relationship is going well.
Everyone saying it could be old and not active. Just no. Full stop. Tinder doesn’t display profiles that are inactive over 7 days. Sure there might be some exceptions to the rule but not enough for everyone who makes this claim. It is highly unlikely it’s inactive.
She’s your friend. Tell her.
you should say something, there’s no harm in that. you wouldn’t be “the reason things blew up” no matter what because you aren’t in a relationship w her while on tinder. if it’s something that she already knows about, she’ll know you’re looking out for her. if it’s something she doesn’t know about, she has the right to decide who she dates w as much information as possible.
if they’re ‘on a break’ then it shouldn’t matter anyway…
Friends will look out for each others best interests
“what if it’s an old profile or they’re on a break”
Stop being conflict avoidant and actually care about your friend.
If they’re on a break, she will most likely say so. And if it’s an old profile, surely he can prove that to be true.
Saying you don’t want to cause drama is the part of your brain avoiding conflict. Something worth practising is how would you like your friends to care about you? Do the same for them
If you didn’t show me my partner on tinder I would disown you as a friend
she’s your friend, would you want her to tell you, if the situation were reversed?
why keep her boyfriends’ secret for him?
the argument for not telling her is so tha t she’s not hurt, but it would be much worse for her to end up with this guy if he’s cheating on her. if it’s an honest mistake they can figure that out with each other. your job is simply to let her know that you saw something she should know about and be able to follow up with him about.
Seems like most tinder cheaters are reported by friends that have the app. I would tell
Definitely tell her (with proof!!). It could be just a misunderstanding, but it could also be him cheating. If he is cheating, she’s probably like to know and you could investigate more together. If he’s not cheating, then she probably knows what’s up and thinks it’s sweet that you wanted to warn her (and maybe a bit embarrassing).
I would just stay away from this.
yeah if it’s an old profile, there won’t be anything recent on there and he can prove his innocence easily. although he definitely should have taken it down when he got into a relationship.
I found myself on a dating site I hadn’t even signed up to (using a friend’s app.) Be absolutely sure it’s really him and it’s live before you go breaking up their relationship.
If any of my friends found my bf on tinder I’d absolutely want to know ASAP. With screenshots. Not everyone feels that way. You know your friend best.
I’ve been married to my wife for 8 years, before her i was in a 2 year relationship. I didn’t look between the two relationships. I haven’t touched Tinder in over a decade. Used it in college when it came out to see what the hype was about. I thought it was shallow, so moved onto meeting girls in real life. I’m technologically challenged, so I didn’t delete the account and couldn’t log into if I wanted to. It still pops up from time to time, my wife will say “hey so-and-so saw you on tinder, wouldn’t be cheatin would ya?”, said in a teasing manner. She knows the history of it for me, we just laugh at it now. I’m married, she knows the truth behind it, I’m not worried about it.
She said her friends could tell that it hasn’t been active since the time she knew I last used it. So that tells me there’s probably a deal on a profile that tells the viewer when the profile was last active? idk, but might be worth looking into before you make a decision.
Make a fake email and profile and message him. If he responds use the email to email her the screenshots anonymously. Then wash your hands of it.
To be fair. I tried like hell to delete mine and I’m not tech savvy enough. It’s still out there even though I don’t have the app and don’t want it.
Not saying thats the case here, but it’s a POSSIBILITY
Ask him on tinder what you should do.
If he never responds it could mean he isn’t using it
If he responds quickly then you have put him on notice to be aware of what he could be doing.
The truth is it’s difficult to say if any of this is bad or good.
Why would you feel uneasy about telling your supposedly “good friend“ about it?? There’s no hesitation there if she’s your good friend, unless…. You want to fuck him too?
Screenshots and send it to her. I have unfortunately been that guy when I was in my early 20s… I wasn’t even sure what I wanted at the time and I never met up with anyone but it’s still maybe like emotionally cheating? Either way it’s not good.
Basically, he’s not fully invested and not ready for a long term serious relationship. Just help her out and tell her so she can begin to heal and move on and find someone who will treat her right.
Screenshot evidence, print and place in envelope her mailbox. Could be anyone. A neighbor. Any friend. Cousin. Etc.
If they’re on a break or an open relationship, all it would be is an awkward conversation. I’d just send her screenshots and say you noticed it while on the apps, not sure if it’s new or old but you wanted to bring it to her attention
If he’s doing it behind her back, all you’re doing is giving the information to who needs it.
I saw my male cousin (I’m make)
How long have they been together? It’s not like it says he’s online
You should tell her. Why wouldn’t he take it down?
Please tell her before he gives her an STD. If you lose her as a friend, she wasn’t a good friend to begin with.
Catfish him, arrange a date and go with your friend?
Tell your friend. If he’s trying to cheat then she deserves to know, and if it’s an old/unused account then no harm no foul.
I’d tell her casually..
I saw “” Bill”” on tinder… is that how you two met?
Because you are on tinder too … wink wink…
Let it go from there
When I was in college, a girl in my dorm said she had a date with a guy named David N——. I said, what? That’s my sister’s boyfriend. So I told her and they broke up. She eventually got married and had my nephew and cheated on her husband with that same David N.
I’d tell her if she were my friend. What happens after isn’t your fault. But I’d want to know.
I’m a male, I don’t condone this behavior, tell, omg please tell. Hopefully, you screenshot the profile and have receipts.
If she’s a really good friend of yours…do let her know..
Or else don’t try to be kind, you never know her guy would manipulate her and gaslight her against you ….
And sorry but anyone in love is a little dumb…
Swipe right
That used to happen to me all the time. Probably forgot to delete the profile
She’s your friend, tell her.
Message him see if it’s still active
Ouft he’s getting it wet 💦
My gf’s friend found a friend of mine’s account on tinder while he was dating another one of our friends. He’s kind of a cereal cheater but I mentioned something to him because of how stupid it was, like eventually his gf’s friends would see it. He attacked me and threatened me if I told anyone. I told him to go fuck himself.
I would ask her how they are doing, then let her know that I saw his profile and wanted to check if she knew. That’s what a friend is for. If there’s an explanation then you can’t ruin anything. If he’s cheating then you’re saving her from further pain. If she knows don’t judge. Just be honest and calm, you haven’t done anything wrong
I’d make a fake account, and try matching with him. 😆😆 then I would ask him questions to verify that one if he answered and 2. If it was really him. I like 100% certainty.
I say this because someone once still my photos and made a fake profile trying to get money from men. It felt awful to know someone was out there doing shitty things with my pics and name.
I mean, the likelihood a guy would do this doesn’t make sense… but you never know.
I think a safe step is to approach the boyfriend about it. Theres a chance if hes cheating that hell be upfront about it, or maybe hell say it was indeed an old profile, which is quite likely. Then whatever his answer you can approach your friend with it, as a lighthearted aneccdote in the second case, or straight up tell her about your worries with the proof. Im sure shell be understanding of your position and will in the end be grateful for knowing the truth
Old profiles wouldn’t be shown.. I would tell her. Then you two can think about how to confront him. He will probably say he just looks at it sometimes but didn’t text anyone (that’s what my ex did)
Don’t say a thing. I promise you it won’t go the way you think it will.
Inactive accounts get hidden, I get push notifications from Tinder like “if you don’t login your account will be hidden”
If my SO (if I had one) were on Tinder, I’d want to know – and I think that’s how most would feel.
You can tell her you found a profile using his picture on Tinder. That gives you plausible deniability….you didn’t know it WAS him, you thought his picture was stolen and being used by someone else, so she should let her boyfriend know.
I think about it like this. If he IS cheating, he could give her an STI. How would you feel if that happened?
Put yourself in your friend shoes and think about how you may feel if this information was withheld.
Coming across someone’s profile doesn’t mean its active or that person is cheating. Unless you have a way to know, I wouldn’t say anything
Mind your business. It’s as simple as someone not deleting a profile, but you sticking your nose in it will bite you in the ass.
Plot twist: I had an active Tinder profile despite being married.
It was for work research. I had it active for months… it would suck if I had been reported, because I had zero interest in connecting with anyone there.
It could be a profile of him before he got with your freind and he didn’t take it down that’s a big possibility but I would tell your freind
Tinder only shows profiles that have been active recently, I believe. I would let her know and provide evidence like screenshots of the profile
I think it’s pretty obvious you tell her, would you want to know I’m her situation?
Mind your own business
Just caution, make sure you check with her
I’ve dated girls who like swiping through my dating profiles themselves lol