TDLR: I recently found out that my (28m) girlfriend (24f) might have been a bully in high school and I feel weird about it. Do just ignore it or pretend like that information doesn’t exist or break up or something else?
So, I’ve been together with my girlfriend now for a bit less than a year and things have been going well. We get along well, do fun stuff together, I enjoy being around her, all good.
However, I found out some information about her that made me question if I want to continue with her. So at work, I work with a few clients. One on my points of contact at one of the clients is a girl – let’s call her Sarah. Anyways, we make small talk before our calls. One day, when I was visiting their office for work stuff, we were talking after I had wrapped up what I needed to do and I mentioned that I was heading out to the suburbs to meet up with my girlfriend’s family. And she says “I’m from that suburb! which high school did she go to?” Well they went to the same one, so she asked for her name, and I tell her and she just goes “oh, yeah I guess I knew her” and her demeanor changes.
I could tell things were a bit awkward, so I tried to change the subject and then she said, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought that up, it’s just we didn’t we didn’t get along that’s all.” But now I’m curious. What’s going on here? She suggests we get a snack before I leave so I agree. While there I bring up the topic again (because the curiosity got the better of me) and she basically tells me that my girlfriend was one of the popular girls and she bullied others, she bullied Sarah, started drama, tried to steal other girls boyfriends. I was taken aback. I left not knowing if I believed her or not but I had questions about my relationship.
I have a college friend who went to that high school – and I know he has a younger brother, so I asked him if he knew Sarah or my girlfriend. He said yes, he knew both of them and he basically confirmed some of the details that Sarah said, that my girlfriend was a popular girl, what clubs and sports she did and he knew she was involved in some drama occasionally like all the other popular girls but didn’t know much that. He said he also knew Sarah and she was generally easy going but didn’t know much beyond that.
So I asked my girlfriend about what her time in high school was like and she said it was great, talked about some of the stuff she did and her friends and all. I asked if she knew my friend’s brother and Sarah and she said yes but she didn’t know either of them well. I didn’t want to push the conversation beyond that because it seemed like she wasn’t going to admit she did anything wrong and I don’t even know if I fully believe everything I’ve heard.
So now, I’m at a crossroads. I know people can change, but how much do people really change in just a few years? I haven’t seen how my girlfriend treats others went I’m not around. I don’t want to be in a long term relationship with someone who’s a bully, who I can’t fully trust.
On the other hand, I can only judge someone on how they treated me and my girlfriend has always treated me well. And I don’t want to be caring about some high school drama from years ago – but it does matter if it speaks to her fundamental character. On the other hand, is there still a chance Sarah is making this up / exaggerating in order to try to get with me? I don’t know what to do here and I’d appreciate some advice. This all feels so juvenile that I’m even involved in this but oh well.
Comments
Thanks for submitting to the Two Hot Takes Podcast Subreddit! We’d like to remind you that all posts are subject to being featured in an episode of the Two Hot Takes Podcast. If your story is featured you’ll
get a nifty flair change to let you know and we’ll drop a link so you can see our host’s take on your story.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Backup of the post’s body: TDLR: I recently found out that my (28m) girlfriend (24f) might have been a bully in high school and I feel weird about it. Do just ignore it or pretend like that information doesn’t exist or break up or something else?
So, I’ve been together with my girlfriend now for a bit less than a year and things have been going well. We get along well, do fun stuff together, I enjoy being around her, all good.
However, I found out some information about her that made me question if I want to continue with her. So at work, I work with a few clients. One on my points of contact at one of the clients is a girl – let’s call her Sarah. Anyways, we make small talk before our calls. One day, when I was visiting their office for work stuff, we were talking after I had wrapped up what I needed to do and I mentioned that I was heading out to the suburbs to meet up with my girlfriend’s family. And she says “I’m from that suburb! which high school did she go to?” Well they went to the same one, so she asked for her name, and I tell her and she just goes “oh, yeah I guess I knew her” and her demeanor changes.
I could tell things were a bit awkward, so I tried to change the subject and then she said, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought that up, it’s just we didn’t we didn’t get along that’s all.” But now I’m curious. What’s going on here? She suggests we get a snack before I leave so I agree. While there I bring up the topic again (because the curiosity got the better of me) and she basically tells me that my girlfriend was one of the popular girls and she bullied others, she bullied Sarah, started drama, tried to steal other girls boyfriends. I was taken aback. I left not knowing if I believed her or not but I had questions about my relationship.
I have a college friend who went to that high school – and I know he has a younger brother, so I asked him if he knew Sarah or my girlfriend. He said yes, he knew both of them and he basically confirmed some of the details that Sarah said, that my girlfriend was a popular girl, what clubs and sports she did and he knew she was involved in some drama occasionally like all the other popular girls but didn’t know much that. He said he also knew Sarah and she was generally easy going but didn’t know much beyond that.
So I asked my girlfriend about what her time in high school was like and she said it was great, talked about some of the stuff she did and her friends and all. I asked if she knew my friend’s brother and Sarah and she said yes but she didn’t know either of them well. I didn’t want to push the conversation beyond that because it seemed like she wasn’t going to admit she did anything wrong and I don’t even know if I fully believe everything I’ve heard.
So now, I’m at a crossroads. I know people can change, but how much do people really change in just a few years? I haven’t seen how my girlfriend treats others went I’m not around. I don’t want to be in a long term relationship with someone who’s a bully, who I can’t fully trust.
On the other hand, I can only judge someone on how they treated me and my girlfriend has always treated me well. And I don’t want to be caring about some high school drama from years ago – but it does matter if it speaks to her fundamental character. On the other hand, is there still a chance Sarah is making this up / exaggerating in order to try to get with me? I don’t know what to do here and I’d appreciate some advice. This all feels so juvenile that I’m even involved in this but oh well.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
So the first thing you do, is just be up front with your GF. Cmon. You’re supposed to be in a relationship here.
“I heard some troubling information and wanted to hear your thoughts on it.”
People can change. We’ve all done stupid shit which we regret. The real question is: who is she now? You can’t be the “Past Police.” You can only be the “Present Police.”
Is she a bully now? People sometimes bully just to fit in and keep their own insecurities from being outed and be bullied themselves. Not making excuses, but it’s how the human brain works. People really do change and quickly once they get out of the social echo chamber that high school is. It was 6 years ago, she may have had time to reflect back and try to be a better person, the person you know today. Good luck!
Come on dude lol you’re almost 30. You should be well past caring about high school years. Even at 26 that’s nearly a decade in the past. Completely irrelevant.
I ran track, played tons of sports, and was a “jock” in high school. I’m now a video game and film nerd who plays no sports, hasn’t ran in years, and avoids sunlight. I used to be in a metal band and now I listen to Kpop.
A. That’s one person’s (who admits she did not like or get along with your GF) account of her in HS. Do you know she’s trustworthy?
B. People do change, especially on moral grounds over childhood behavior. I was an absolute shit in HS, angry and violent, but getting out and having some bad experiences changed that behavior and who I wanted to be. I’d hate to be judged by what my 16 year old self did, as a grown man.
C. Talk it over with your GF and get her account, before you blow up your relationship.
First you need to have a conversation with your partner. This is what mature adults do in relationships. Listening to the “he said/she said” is reverting back to high school mentality. People grow up and people change. Is she the same 15yo at 24? Are you the same 16yo at 28? Put yourself into her shoes. How would you feel if she left you for something you may have done over 10 years ago?
So its been 6 years since that. 6 of the most formative years in many people lives.
Step 1 is being up front with her.
I got bullied like crazy in high school lol, but I too was a raging idiot until at least my mid twenties. I don’t hold anything against my high school peers, we were all kids. And kids, objectively, are insane.
I say talk to her about it, but unless she’s a bully now, don’t worry about it. If she’s nice to service workers and makes an effort with your friends and family, then I think someone’s past—especially that young—doesn’t really matter.
Did you also meet your current girlfriend at work? I’m wondering if there’s a pattern here…
I was not a popular kid but I don’t think I was as nice and inclusive as I could have/should have been. I’ve grown as a person and reached out to the main person that I feel I didn’t support like a friend should.
That person has not responded at all to my texts… but was just extremely cordial at an event in our home town (both of us live hour+ away).
I can’t change high school me… but I can be more aware of who I am now.
Age 24… has she gained self-awareness?? Seems fast to me. Just watch how she treats others. That will be your answer.
If I met the husband or boyfriend of a girl I went to high school with who bullied me, I wouldn’t share that info with them whatsoever.
Adolescence is a developmental stage, not an endpoint. People change, people grow, and who am I to say that the girl that bullied me is the same person? Bullying is also sometimes really messy and subjective.
I honestly find it strange that this woman would tell you this about your girlfriend. I mean, sure, if she was sociopathic levels of evil or something, maybe, but that’s not what this sounds like at all.
So many variables here. She may have been the mean girl. She may have just around some mean girls. Sarah might just have a victim mentality. Bottom line is it was high school and most people mature quite a bit after.
Ok…
School years are a universe of their own… a part of a multiverse if you will.
Leaving that multiverse opens so many different paths.
Don’t judge a person based on who they were in a different multiverse.
One girl describes a bad experience, another guy remembers something but no details and is non-committal. If you haven’t noticed bad behaviour, personally I would never think of this again.
High school teacher of many years here.
The clear cut “bully vs. innocent victim” dynamic you see in movies rarely plays out in real life. This is particularly true with girls.
Teenagers are, in general, insecure, impulsive, and self-centered. This has to do with how our brains and emotions develop over time. Teens regularly say hurtful things back and forth to one another and behind each other’s back. They are much more in tune with what hurts their own feelings than how their words and actions may hurt others. Having dealt with hundreds of incidents of bullying, you almost always find that both parties felt offended and picked on by another person or group. Hurt people, hurt people… This is not to say that bullying doesn’t exist or that power imbalances don’t exist. They do. But it’s very likely that your girlfriend wasn’t some comic book-style villain slapping “kick me” signs on the nerdy kid’s back. She was an insecure child trying to make her way socially and figuring herself out amidst complicated and fierce group dynamics.
The way many of us remember our own high school experience is also flawed. Memories are complicated and somewhat unreliable. Many students who claim they are being bullied will struggle to admit or understand when presented with evidence of how they, too, have done things like post cruel words and images about the same student they feel wronged by.
Humans are inherently good, but we’re also sensitive and self-centered.
You need to remember that whenever Sarah is recounting this narrative, she is going to paint herself in the best light and your girlfriend in a less flattering light. I find it odd that Sarah felt comfortable sharing this kind of information with you, as well.
You seem to take Sarah’s word very seriously, moreso than your own girlfriend’s. You need to hash this out with your gf. I think in the end, you’re going to have to pick between one of them.
I don’t understand these comments. People have posted similar questions and the answer is usually “dump her/him” etc. I totally get why you’re concerned- I would be too. You have a couple of options. You can be up front and honest with her, and ask her straight up. Tell her you’d heard some stories and want to know what she has to say. I would also suggest paying more attention to how she treats others. Waitstaff, etc. I hope she’s grown and can recognize what she did wrong. Or also bring up cheaters and people who go after people in relationships and see what her views are.
I don’t think you should automatically jump to dumping her, but I would def pay more attention to how she treats others. Or straight up bring up that you were told she was a bully and you’d like to know her side of the story. I also think it matters how much of a bully she was. LIke did she bully people to the point of leaving school, or was it typical high school drama? We’ve all done dumb shit or been selfish, so it could go either way.
what she did in her past is done and over with if she isnt a bully now then what does it matter people change and she may have i dont judge people by what they were i judge them by what they are now
How about you man the fuck up and just ask her out right if She was a bully.? Then ask her if she regrets anything from high school and if she’s grown up and changed her ways?
“I can only go on how my girlfriend is treated me….”
No, don’t tell yourself that, that’s not true. She’s obviously a master at having two faces. Back in high school it was one face for teachers and parents, and another face for those she wanted to bully.
She very well may have changed, I will give her that but don’t ever think that just because someone treats you a certain way means that they are a good person all around.
I’ve seen so many breakup stories where the two-faced person got dumped and all of a sudden they became this heinous monster that was unrecognizable to the nice person they had been before.
I would sit down with your girlfriend and talk about it and see if she denies everything or acts like it’s no big deal. That means she hasn’t grown from the experience and hoped it would just disappear and she would never have to deal with it. You’ve asked her how her high school experience was, and she told you what HER high school experience was.
Without saying who said what, tell her that you’ve heard some things about how she behaved towards others in high school and you would like to hear about that from her own lips. Do not tell her anything about what you heard, she knows what she did and she needs to own up to it. If she says she doesn’t know what you’re talking about that she lacks all self-reflection an ability to take responsibility for her actions.
My husband was an ass as a teenager. I know someone who dated him for a month when they were 14, and she laughingly told me what a jerk he was ( kissed her BFF in front of her after she dumped him). Jerk move, sure. But they were kids. He’s told me stories of things he’s not proud of, I honestly never really cared. I was bullied in high school, pretty badly. Would I date my old bullies? Absolutely not. But do I still hate them and wish them ill? No, it’s literally been years. I’m assuming (and hoping) they grew up and aren’t such self absorbed jerks. If you love your girlfriend and like the person she currently is, then I wouldn’t give this a second thought. As long as she’s not a Steven King level bully, I think you guys are fine.
I think just be more upfront and have a conversation. Ask the icky and hard questions like is she remorseful, did she see how her actions back then severely hurt others? See her reactions and Work with her answers then decide. You don’t know if she has changed so ask and have an open and honest conversation
Update us
You need to have an open conversation. If she gets defensive I wouldn’t bother having her in your life.
I am 50 and the majority of the girls who bullied me in school have not changed. The dregs of society. You can call me judgemental but they got what they deserved.
Im from a village in Dublin where no matter how big it gets everyone knows everything. It doesn’t help that with the exception of my siblings my mammy’s side of the family which is vast still live there as does my mammy.
What if Sarah is the real bully
People change
In my experience the bullies in school often stay mean, they just hide it better as adults. I don’t understand this “she was young”, it’s about very fundamental personality traits. People who are empathetic and care about others usually have that feeling from an early age. I don’t think core values like that change much, they just learn to mask how little they care about others.
People change. It’s been over half a decade
Also, I’ve seen it first hand that some people view just not actively being friends as “bullying.” I had a former roommate who used to claim the popular girls always bullied her but even the most extreme examples were them just not being her friend
And before anyone gets on me for my comment, I’m well aware actual bullying takes places as I was physically attacked multiple times by bullies in middle school. But I also know that people interpret many behaviors as bullying that aren’t actual bullying
How does your gf treat other people, such as waiters, customer service people, maintenance crew, et al.? Is she kind to others? Is she racist? Does she ever go out of her way to help someone in trouble? Does she think people who are not her religion are going to hell?
Something Sarah said resonated with you.
Dude don’t be a loser and break up with someone for how they acted when they were going through puberty! Your gf probs was insecure and had her own issues growing up too. Sure she could’ve handled it better but you’re not in high school anymore and she is nice to people now I presume.
The fact that you would be put off your GF by a secondhand account of her high school behaviour by someone who clearly isn’t a fan is insane behaviour.
Very few people are the finished article in high school and often do what they need to, to make friends and get by.
I was bullied in high school, and there were definitely times when I wasn’t as kind as I could have been. Teenagers are impulsive, driven by high emotion and often pack mentality. Obviously, bullying isn’t good, but neither is dragging up people past to beat them to death with it ten years later. You barely even know the people saying she was a mean girl 😂 Get a grip
I’m afraid the baby thinks people can’t change..
Your girlfriend was mean when she was like 15? Idk. That just doesn’t seem like a big deal to me at all. Were you bullied? Why does this matter so much you’re considering breaking up? There had to be other reasons or background info missing. I would be in complete disbelief if as a grown adult someone dumped me for being mean as a teenager
I think it’s worth a conversation but I’m I also do really think people change. Most people can look back and regret how they acted when they were younger —hell I even regret how I acted when I was 25. Low character moments don’t equal a low character person. If she’s remorseful and you don’t have any reason to believe she’s a bad person now I think you should let it go. Also, it’s important to remember that life is long and one day you might be asking for her forgiveness. Best of luck OP ❤️
The only thing that matters is what she is like now. People live, learn and grow
just be honest with her about what you’ve found out. my husband and i didn’t know each other when we were in high school and we are both from different states but when we’ve talked about who we were during that time i was honest with him. i wasn’t the nicest person and whatnot but i told him, and ive changed who i am as a person. who’s to say she won’t do the same in both aspects?
edit for context: im 21 now, i graduated high school when i was 18, if i was able to do the work in a few years then if she really wants to separate herself from who she was then im sure she’d be able to as well
I can’t believe how many people are running defense for high school bullies in here. As someone who was bullied and harassed by most of my grade when I was extremely quiet and minded my business, I would never be able to date a high school bully who went out of their way to torment others. I don’t care how insecure they were or that these kids had problems at home, taking it out on other people as an emotional punching bag is beyond indicative of extremely poor character even if it’s “only” as a teenager.
However, I also believe people have the capability to change after making mistakes. Most do not and simply learn how to disguise it “better” into adulthood, but real growth IS possible. No one can give you a definitive answer on what GF is since this is so case-by-case.
I wouldn’t suggest dumping her based on this secondhand account because that’s all you have right now (however, it’s also possible this is a hard limit for you even if she has legitimately changed, which is something you should keep in mind.) I would ask her about it directly- “hey I ran into X who said Y, i wanted to know what really happened with Z” and see what happens from there. It is possible that she was just doing generic teen stuff, it’s possible she was a monster, it’s possible this is some big misunderstanding, it’s possible she’s completely changed and she’s a saint now. The only way to really deal with this is to go to your gf directly.
Still amazes me how educated professionals who handle clients are still incapable of common sense communication as a couple.
Talk, damn just talk for fucks sake!
i would genuinely talk to your girlfriend about it and get her side of things. similarly i had a situation with a friend where she came to me and said a girl she worked with and was becoming really close with declined an invitation to somewhere because i used to bully her in highschool. i was completely flabbergasted because from the time i started school i would get in trouble for talking to EVERYONE. no matter who they put me next to, i would talk to them. so i asked her what i did and she said that i used to ask her not to touch me when she would try and hug me and i wouldn’t include her in my plans. turns out it was a girl who was homeschooled and i didn’t know her at all during that time but some of my friends had known her from elementary school. why would i include her in my plans? she would try to hug me when i saw her at the mall when i was with people she knew and i’m sorry i don’t like people i don’t know touching me lol. some people have very different ideas of what bullying is.
You’ve been together almost a year, and you can’t bring yourself to have a difficult discussion with your GF? Seriously?
I laugh when the mean girls try to follow or friend me. You made my life miserable enough. No way do I want to be associated with you now.
They never understand why.
Believe it or not people change after high school. Is she still a “mean girl”? No? Then she probably did some maturing and if yes then you gotta find out if that’s what you want in a relationship
She was in high school. You know her. Talk to her. I’m sure she’s grown up a lot in the last 6 years.
You have to have the difficult conversation. It’s the only way to know if she understood how she affected people, if she’s changed ánd has any remorse.
Be direct. You heard that she had bullied others by more than one person. You want to ask her more about that time. This might need to be more than one conversation as even if she isn’t a bully anymore, she has not had to face any consequences or be confronted by previous victims simply by not being in school anymore.
She might not even feel like she was a bully. She got to move on because it wasn’t that serious for her but her victims still bear whatever scars she caused. Even if this is the case, she can still show she has changed by acknowledging that what she thought was harmless back then, really wasn’t.
I think that if you try to pretend that you never found all that out, it won’t work. You’ll end up always having that at the back of your mind and be waiting for the other shoe to drop. Do both of you a favor and let her know everything you were told. Her reaction to having everything out in the open will tell you everything you need to know. Best case scenario: She is fully aware of how she was in the past and is ashamed of it. She probably wouldn’t want to tell you straight out from embarrassment or worry that you would think less of her for it, especially if she’s tried to be a better person since. Second best case scenario: She gets defensive and/ or denies. You realize she either doesn’t have the self awareness to change anytime soon or simply doesn’t care. At least you found out now instead of after you’re married, you can cut your losses early. Regardless, you can move on with or without her, without having doubts hanging over your head for years.
Is she still a mean girl? It’s not like she can go back in time and change the past.
Is she still a bully now? People do a lot of stupid things as teenagers, usually looking back they cringe and regret it, does she know she hurt people and feel bad about it now?
Talk to her about it is the only answer lmao.
It’s possible she’s changed since then, people are very different in high school than her own adult life. You’ll be able to make a better decision once you know how she feels about how she acted during that time.
You really gonna punish a person for how they were in high-school. Wtf is wrong with you. You know people grow up. Should she be forever alone because some girl from high-school got bullied by her. Grow a pair of balls and grow the f up bro. I swear that is the dumbest take ever. Give your girl a high five and laugh Bput the people she punked in hs.
If you based all of your relationships off of what mistakes someone made as a kid/teen, you’d be single and friendless forever. I’m also wondering if you’ve considered that there are people in the world who feel negatively about you, too. Are you the same person you were as a teen? No. Would you want to be judged at 28 for something you did in high school? No.
Yeah. People can change in a couple of years, especially if they didn’t like themselves during that time. High schoolers are CHILDREN!!!! alot of high school assholes, including myself, didn’t like what we were doing but didn’t have the emotional intelligence to change it.
It’s always Sarah.
I’d talk to her about it but also understand that she may not have any deep recollection of this traumatizing of her peers because it didn’t happen or it seems like something blown so out of proportion. Or because she has truly changed. This coworker girl knew what she was doing. Oh.. I knew her I guess… like manipulation 101. Any person would want to press further.
I have a friend who is dating this guy who used to stab me in the leg with a pen allll through middle school. When I heard her talking about this guy I knew it had to be him because he has one of those weird ass celebrity style names. But he was treating her like gold. Taking her autistic little brother to baseball games and coming over to help wash her dad who was sick so she didn’t have to. This guy terrorized me. Gave me nerve damage in my leg. He got suspended all the time. But I didn’t say a thing I just listened and asked questions. When I met them for coffee he went white when he saw me. I just kept it cordial and when we were all leaving I just told him that I’m glad he’s changed and making my friend happy. Would my friend break up with him after knowing all this? Maybe. But is he doing that stuff now? No. He’s grown. He went through things like we all did and made stupid choices. But he is actually a good guy now. Why would I blow their shit up over something from a decade or two ago? Drama lovers do that.
Go off of what you personally see now. Is your gf a bully to those around her and they’re all the type of people to just say nothing? I doubt it.
People can change a LOT. My buddy was the spoiled rotten piece of shit qb. In high school, he bullied girls into eating disorders, fucked with people constantly and never suffered any repercussions. Sophomore year of college he matured and dropped out for a year (giving up his D1 roster spot) due to depression over how awful he had been to people. During that time, he worked on a fishing boat. He came back completely different. He’s still funny but he’s much nicer to everyone. My only issue is he’s so much quieter and I worry about him, but he seems happy. He’s still a douche, but only to me and our friends. He doesn’t bring his past up, even his athletic accolades. I’d assume he’s ashamed, just like your gf may be.
Has she changed? Is so, good. If not, leave.
Ran into the girl who bullied me relentlessly as kids when we were about 19 and she apologized and we had a great talk. We never hung out, but we comment on each other’s social media and stuff. I would be happy to run into her again and 100% believe she changed. High school kids are still kids at the end of the day and some mature faster than others. Some also have mental health, home life, or other issues that make them act out. Tell your gf what Sarah said, but don’t phrase it as an accusation.
I really love that you’re thinking seriously about this. This might sound dramatic, but I think bullies are evil. Seriously, it takes ppl years to get over the trauma. I think bullies lack empathy and that condition doesn’t improve with age. If I found out my boyfriend locked other boys in their lockers or put their heads in toilets I would absolutely break up with them.
Your college friend said that your gf may have been involved in some things but the same amount as other girls. Sarah sounds like she went really hard on your gf. This would make me weary of Sarah.
Being a bf or partner means that you accept your partner, you support them and you build trust with them. Why are you letting one person change your opinion of your gf.
Either accept your gf as she is with her flaws, her past and the good things she brings…or don’t.
But always be careful…Sarah may be doing this to f*** with you and gf.
People change. This is almost a decade ago and you’re obsessing over it. I bet you can easily find times in your life when you were mean, left someone out, or felt peer pressure to be cool. Ask her about it if it bothers you. She is probably embarrassed about her previous behavior.
If you have any doubts then there’s your answer. Do not stay with someone like that. I’m here to tell you that they rarely change. My ex’s sister is like that and that’s part of the reason I split with him. She was constantly bullying me but doing it subtly so that when I called her out on it, she could act like she didn’t know what I was talking about. The rest of the family thought I was just being too sensitive. For example, she is your basic country girl, bleach blonde, cowboy boots, all of that. Not that I care.
I’m goth and she used to constantly bully me. She would say things like, it’s not Halloween yet and she would look at my hair, my outfit and my makeup and say, that’s what you’re wearing? I finally told her, yes, it’s what I’m wearing. You bullying me is not going to fly anymore. I’m going to backtrack a little bit and say that a lot of people actually do change, sometimes it’s just being young and immature. some people don’t though. However, your feelings are valid and if you do not want to continue with her then that is completely fine. In fact, I would not blame you. It would give me the ick. I couldn’t stay with someone like that even knowing that they did that in their past. Good luck.
She hasn’t changed. It’s more like she moved on and is wearing a new persona.
Hi, former mean girl here!
People can change, and that’s absolutely enough time. I changed in like, a couple of weeks after some shitty stuff happened that completely changed my way of thinking.
My partner would have HATED me in high school, but who I was then is very different from who I am now in many ways.
Ask her about it. That’s how you get your answer.
Deep dive and find out whatever you can first. Because bullies are good at telling lies.
Depends has she changed is she a better person or still mean
You’ve got a girlfriend who treats you well and you enjoy being with. But you’re willing to throw that away on the word of a work acquaintance that it sounds like you barely know. By all means, cut her loose. She deserves someone better than you.
And Sarah sounds like a shit stirrer.
You see how she treats servers in restaurants and others when you are together. People change since high school. It seems like you are grasping for a reason to doubt her.
i feel like unless her actions were literal torture or pushed someone to hit their reset button, i would hear her out. sometimes people like her need to be reminded of the shitty things they did in school and gain the chance to apologize to their victims.
lets hope sarah doesn’t act out The Glory (kdrama)
UpdateMe!
People changed…yes that is true but sometimes the emotional scarring those bullies inflicted do not heal.
I say this because I have experienced it, one of my classmate got bullied so badly that she has to drop out of school.
Till this day, I am ashamed of my actions or rather…my inaction, the rest of us did nothing to stop the bullying. We have let her down and ruined her life.
Those bullies grew up, got married, have good careers and living the best days of their lives, completely forgotten about the girl.
If you must know, the victim never recovered.
I am actually dismayed and saddened by some of the comments, their passiveness regarding such matter is why bullying still thrives.
Talk to your girlfriend.
I feel like this is the thing that ex bullies say so they don’t have to feel accountable for their previous behavior. The trauma of bullying can literally cause life long mental health issues