I couldn’t exactly remember what age I started, because I was so young, but my earliest memories of me doing this was back kindergarden days, so maybe 4 or 5?
I was a lonely kid and my parents were somewhat neglectful, so lots of alone time was spent in my room. There was a chair in my room and the back rest was right at my dick’s level when standing behind it, and I rubbed my dick against it until I got an orgasm. Yes, I got an orgasm at 4 years old. I even got it quite quickly. The feeling of pressure and the rubbing back and forth felt incedible.
This became almost an obsession for me. I did it multiple times a day, almost every single day. I swear some days I must have gone 20 times. Occasionally I would think to myself “what the fuck am I doing, I should probably stop” and then I would not do it for like 2 weeks, but eventually the horniness would take over and I would start doing it again.
I did sometimes masturbate “normally” but the chair just felt better. At 13-14 years old when I began to learn about sex I quit doing it because I finally started to realize how weird it was, and I began to masturbate only the normal way. Also my erections started to get harder and it began to hurt
I have never told this to anyone in my life, but recently it’s been going through my head and I just wanted to let it out. So if you ever wanted to ask a chairfucker questions now’s your chance
Comments
Bro the Mossad couldn’t have gotten that out of me.
We know you are JD Vance …
IM CRYINGGGG AND THEN YOU MADE THE THROWAWAY NAME CHAIRFUCKER
What sort of chair?
I love the internet 😭 no judgement at all, ty for the giggle 🤣🫶🏻
God Damnit JD
Does real sex compare favorably to the chair, or do you prefer the chair?
Also, what ever happened to the chair?
When I was younger and just getting the hang of “things” I would bite the edge of my desk when I came to keep quiet.
People are weird, dude. We all just have to make the best of it
I would have sat on that story 😂 I guess that’s the definition of cushion for the pushin
Puts new meaning to the saying, “he’d fuck anything with legs on it”.
Honestly this ain’t that weird in the grand scheme of things. I feel like ppl who judge have more skeletons in their closet 🤭
Can’t believe this dude is a heartbeat away from the presidency.
So, maybe i’m overreacting but I don’t think it would hurt to see a doctor. Because starting at 4 is extremely young. There might be something going on with your hormone levels? Stay safe stranger❤️
One time I found a bunch of free pdfs on the internet and they were scans of 18th century smut.
There was at least 3 different stories of nuns humping furniture. Like I remember one story where this woman humps the bed knob at the foot of her bed all the time and she has a room mate but just does it for years.
You’re in good company 🫤.
JD Vance is that you?
if it’s any solace, I have a similar experience, just not with a chair, I was probably 5-6, realized huh if the rub my dick this way it feels funny, didn’t realize what I was doing till I was learning about puberty and sex Ed and accidentally busted one
are you related to JD Vance by chance?
I think your chair and my bed pillow would make good friends. 😂❤️🥀🫂
This post made me feel less of a zoo animal. Hahaha Welcome 🤗
Chair: I’m tired boss
Mr. Vice President?
Daniel… is that you???
I think it’s time to throw away the spluge chair
Omg I thought you were going to be a girl I went to school with named Violet that fucked the corners of tables. You probably married her actually.
Fucking Reddit
Okay who let JD Vance on reddit?
What happened when you got taller? New chair?
Is your last name Vance
Okay but are you like sexually attracted to chairs now? Or have some sort of other chair fetish?
When you have sex now, do you ever think of that chair instead of the lady you’re with?
How did you continue fucking the chair as you got taller?
you and joe rogan (stool fucker) would probably have a fun podcast about sitting objects
JD, is that you?
I just bought an antique chair that matches your description. I’m not sure if I want to check the back of it or just close my eyes and have a go at it
Hi there Mr Vice President
That chair is a victim
That chair must be talking to you like the green goblin mask.
https://youtu.be/eu196vZSe_I?si=XTkFRgU8Fes1bZ68
This you?
Mr Vice President, are your kids part sectional?
Nice user name bro.
Did you at least take the chair out for a romantic dinner?