On the night before my wedding, I was triggered by my fiancé (she didn’t do anything that bad, I understand now that I was triggered by past trauma) and that sent me into a tailspin of a panic attack that only ended the next day. This was later described as a manic episode and I have been going for therapy ever since.
I’m really fkn scared that I have ruined my life. By the wedding being cancelled her and my family are disappointed severely. My family are trying to be there for me, her family are completely incommunicado. The only thing I heard was insults from them. Truthfully, I don’t even remember cancelling the wedding or any of it while having this breakdown. She’s really hurt and angry understandably. I’m scared that I’ve lost her and I have no idea what to do
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You don’t remember? Were you drinking?
you havent ruined your life.
give people a chance to calm down: cooler heads prevail.
explain to your fiance that you had a panic attack and freaked out remind her that you still love her.
and you still want to marry her. remind her you can have a more intimate ceremony with a celebrant (justice of the peace) or courthouse if need be.
I’m sorry you’re facing something so frightening. A single episode, however intense, does not erase your worth or your future. You’ve already shown courage by getting professional help. For now, focus on therapy, lean on the people who want to support you, and give yourself time to heal. When you feel steadier, consider writing to your fiancée to explain what happened and what you’re doing to address it; clarity can ease some of the hurt. This is a painful moment, not the end of your story.
Honestly, before you worry too much about patching things up with your fiancé you need to figure out what is going on in your brain that you can have an episode like this. If you can be so out of your mind that you’ll do things and have no memory of it later you’re going to be a risk to yourself and anyone around you.
I’m really sorry, my friend. Depending on what caused the episode, you might never get to live the kind of life you want.