I gave too much of myself to someone who didn’t deserve it, and now I hate myself for it.

I used to love him so much. I don’t even know why — maybe because he came into my life when I was being bullied in boarding school and I felt like finally, someone cared.

But things changed.

He started touching me. At first I tried to run, I didn’t want it, but I was scared of losing him. I just wanted someone to love me back. So I stayed. For three years.

He pulled me into a toilet once. I didn’t scream, I didn’t fight hard. After that, it kept happening. And I let it — not because I wanted to, but because I felt like it was the only way he’d keep caring for me.

I gave him everything except my virginity. He touched me everywhere, used my mouth, and I let it happen while I hated myself more and more inside. I was just a girl who wanted to be loved. But I became his toy.

We got caught once. I got caned on my feet. I lied to everyone and said we were just talking in the toilet. No one really knew what happened. Or maybe they did. But no one cared.

Later he cheated on me while playing games with other girls, but he lied to my face. When I confronted him, he turned the blame on me and said I was the one who cheated.

When I finally broke down and said “let’s break up,” he agreed immediately. Just like that. After everything I gave him… he walked away like I meant nothing.

I begged to get him back. I cried. I knelt. I feel so ashamed even now. I hate myself for everything I gave, for how low I let myself fall, for thinking that love meant giving my body.

Now I have a new boyfriend. He’s kind. He treats me well. But he once said he broke up with his ex because she had sex with another guy. So I’m scared. I didn’t “sleep” with my ex… but he did so much to me. And I don’t know if I’m good enough to be loved anymore.

I feel broken. And dirty. And ashamed.

I’m scared he’ll leave me too if he ever finds out.