TL;DR at the bottom.
Four months. We talked for four months. Neither of us were in a “serious relationship” place, but we spent a lot of time together and cared for each other. I was willing for it to be serious, if she ever seemed to be in a reciprocal place. She was a peaceful presence in my life. We never breached the sex barrier. Kissed a lot and talked a lot. I never wanted to rush things or lose what we had. Sex, ultimately, was insignificant for me– especially since I physically (not psychologically) have a very hard time getting/staying hard.
We were sitting in an Uber earlier in the night, she laid on my shoulder and said “I hope you know I’ll always be here for you, no matter what.” Word for word. Bar for bar. That etched into my brain.
We get back to her house, we’re laying in bed and things just start to heat up. In the moment I wasn’t even remotely thinking we’d wind up in a spot where sex was about to happen. I figured it’d be some foreplay at most and we’d pass out. I offer to go down on her and she’s down… until about 30 seconds later she stops me and says to just “put it in.”
Errr… fuck.
I try. Very hard. I tried to pass it off as whiskey dick in the moment because way earlier in the night we’d been drinking and I figured “surely that’s not a big deal.” It was. It was a big deal.
I tried to talk to her but she wasn’t having it. I realized she was texting some other guy to come over when I looked over my shoulder. I asked if she wanted me to leave and she said yes. So… I did.
On the way out she grabs me and kisses me like… very aggressively… and says “I guess I’ll have to practice for you.” I think in the time it took me to get dressed she downed like half a bottle of liquor because her breath reeked and she was struggling to even get a sentence out. Given that I thought some other random guy was coming over, as she’s half naked and half awakw on the couch, I asked if she wanted me to lock her door on the way out. She says yes, please. I didn’t want to leave her just… vulnerable. Even though it was shitty it still felt fucked up.
I never hear from her again. Ever. I tried to text twice afterwards, and one of which texts was significantly more transparent and apologizing for not being more forthright about it. I was just flat out trying to apologize. Still nothing.
I haven’t bothered trying again. I literally haven’t romantically talked to another woman, gone out with another woman, touched another woman, not even masturbated since this happened, almost a year and a half ago. She would’ve been the second person I’d ever slept with, the first being my long-term ex-girlfriend. And my ex wasn’t the most understanding about it either, although she got better in time she still got rather cold on me a few times. I’ve never been a taker without being a giver, so I guess it hurt extra in both cases.
But it just eats me alive, all the time still. To literally a few hours prior to all of that say you’d always be there, and then vanish from my life forever… it hurt. I’ve been ghosted. I don’t care about that. Shit happens. But, I cared about her so deeply. Even as a friend. I would’ve never, ever, ever even considered sex if I knew she’d just not be in my life ever again 5 minutes later.
I did so much for her, most of which she had no idea about. I drove 12 hours just to buy her expensive car parts to get her car repaired, told her my buddy a few minutes down the road had them. I paid off some outstanding parking tickets and tow bill she couldn’t afford. I always dropped money somewhere near her bed or on her car floor so that she had money for food and stuff without feeling like she was taking anything away from me. I never wanted her to feel beholden to me. I was the person she called to come pick her up from the hospital from police protective custody after her shitty father beat the hell out of her, because I was the only person she felt safe calling.
She didn’t owe me anything for any of it. It just eats me up that THAT, of all things, took her away from me. Like… I’d literally rather it be some deep personal character flaw of mine. I’d rather it be that she saw me in a slightly different light and realized that I was fucking ugly. Anything.
It just hurts. Really bad. I have pretty thick skin, but I was so vulnerable with her. I felt safe with her. For that to all blow up in one little moment completely ruined romantic experiences for me in general. I WOULD NOT do it but parts of me still wants to reach back out. The lack of closure just drives me fucking insane. I’ve talked about this extensively in therapy and it bothers me just as bad as it did the night that this all happened.
TL;DR– spent 4 months with a woman, as friends. We never got sexual. Kissing and deep conversation. The one night things did lean that way, my dick didn’t get hard (it’s physical ED but at the time still “kinda worked”) which is a long-standing physical issue that medication/injections had previously not helped either,) she wasn’t down for foreplay or me just taking care of her, she wanted someone else to come do the job and never spoke to me again…after literally saying earlier that night that she’d “always be there.” Never would’ve even considered breaking that barrier if I knew I’d lose my best fucking friend. Haven’t talked to another woman since, and this went down a year and a half ago. Ruined my brain in that department very badly.
Comments
You didn’t lose your best friend.
You lost a woman who was manipulating and using you for her benefit.
The person you thought she was never existed – that was an act she put on.
Dodges Bulled
It sucks but clearly she’s not a very compassionate or understanding person. Have you gone to the doctor to see if there are things you can do to help your situation?
She sounds stupidly insecure.
Probably took you not getting hard as an insult to herself instead of realizing that ED can affect anyone at any age.
You should get blood work done. I have the same problem and it cause a lot of issues with me in the beginning of my marriage. Come to find out my test had gone down drastically over the years to the point of concern. I’m getting a ultrasound and mri next week on my brain and then the possibility of hormonal therapy.
You’re jumping to conclusions. There could be several reasons why you were ghosted. Maybe the dude who came over after you was the love of her life. Maybe she joined a convent. Maybe she ran away with a traveling circus. Don’t beat yourself up about it.
Dayumm that was hard to read no pun intended.
I hope this message finds you well,
https://youtu.be/Tsjxc3fEbGk
if she is this great friend tell her the truth. Look I have this physical problem and I would sure appreciate it if you could turn your feminine wiles to fixiing me
what the hell,,
its prob an ego thing on her end. oftentimes women cant help but to take that kind of thing happening personally. i do hope it makes you feel better to think about that being the case instead of taking it personally, however. it really most likely isnt. people in general dont take to well to not feeling like they are desirable enough to someone they like. also, shes probably not as horrible as some others may say she is for the way she went about this because she probably herself even believed what she was saying to you, about being there for you forever. it just didnt end up actually being true due to she wasnt capable of being there for you WHILE AT THE SAME TIME also having to endure a bruised ego.. so its at least probably fair enough to assume that its a good thing that she was filtered out of your life not because you dont deserve for someone to be there for you without letting something so petty get in the way of that -rather you deserve someone much stronger and more mature , capable of understanding and depth like you are to compliment you. keep your standards high because your penis is right, there doesn’t seem to be a lot about humanity right now to get a hard on for.
this is a sad sad story man. thanks for sharing, I hope it was cathartic.
Wait is there another kind of ED? I thought ED was only physically?
Dude… You picked the wrong one. Get some therapy, you’re showing a tonne of insecurity. You know that you’re playing with a handicap, stop trying to play the game like you’re not. better luck next time.
She might just feel awkward. It sounds like she’s got a lot of crap to sort out. Whatever her reasoning, leave her alone amdckeep moving.
Guess how I feel
Dude she may have a drinking problem and want to move on from an embarrassing situation
Don’t worry about her
Worry about ur ed though whilst ur single and see if u can fix
Get Viagra?
This is an AI account. 0 comments in 4 years and then a bunch of random comments in 1 day?
Reads like bad ChatGPT…
Sweetheart it seems that you might not have healthy attachments. I’m really glad to hear you’re in therapy. I’m sorry you’re suffering.
I mean, I don’t think you would’ve wanted to waste time on someone who can’t be kind and understanding about smth like this…
Imo, if someone cares about you, and wants to be intimate with you, they’ll be able to find other ways to be close to you, that doesn’t necessarily demand PIV sex. It will never ever be an end-all be-all and I don’t think you should settle for anybody who thinks no fun can be had if you happen to stay soft.
This girl you had this experience with clearly appreciated you only as far as what you were able to do for her. As soon as you weren’t able to do whatever she wanted, that was it really. I promise you deserve better then that. And I promise there definitely is better out there.
As someone who had a long term relationship that turned into a dead bedroom – it affects me bad when a man is unable to get turned on by me.
It’s a knock to the self esteem like PTSD. I don’t know this woman’s case, but the media writes men as sex hungry, always willing to do it.
So as a woman, when a man isn’t physically into it, it’s an immediate pause and honestly a concern for us. Even if logically, we know things like ED are real, we just don’t commonly experience people who have that issue / may have insecurities around it ourselves.
But the fact that she was already trying to get another man over is ludicrous. Disturbing, actually. I can see her getting hurt over it but I cannot see her cheating because of it.
I mean this woman IS terrible. However it isn’t unreasonable for someone to have no sexual chemistry based on someone having a sexual aberration like super ED or whatever. Don’t feel bad bro truly like I am no doctor but I am sure you can find a way to have a fulfilling sex life.
Your situation never came up before now? I think it’s something you should kinda reveal earlier, especially if y’all are kissing and shit?
It’ll save you a lot of time
Well she sounds gross so it might not even be a you problem. But go to a doctor. I had a vitamin d deficiency and after getting a prescription frona high dose i noticed my dick worked like 30x better. Could be a lack of testosterone too. No harm in getting tested if your nervous in that area
If it helps I know plenty of women who literally can’t have penetrative sex and also feel really guilty and weird about it. It’s more common for both sexes than you think. I lowkey think a dating app for ppl who are dtf but prefer non penetration would be a hit
You dodged a bullet my friend
First off, that’s a roller coaster of ride, especially after only for 4 months.
Second off, if it’s as crazy as it sounds, you’re better off. Of you’re thinking about it a year later… I don’t even know. I feel like therapy would be an option. At least you didn’t find this out further down the road.
She did you a favor bro. If all it took for her to leave you was a bit of stage fright, imagine her leaving halfway through the show.
But bro leave money on the floor for me please? XD
(Jk, I hope you find someone who can reciprocate your genuine heart. Fuck that bitch)
So see a urologist or male doctor, get viagra, and problem solved in the future.