I happened last weekend on Instagram to see a post on my daughter’s story that her Bridal Shower was going on. I was hurt and confused I commented to get story “Why was I not invited” with a crying emoji. Later she called me and I asked her if it was a oversight by who ever threw it. She stated that SHE personally did not want me there, When I asked why she she because I am not present “in the moment” and always tell unrelated stories and that it is very “off putting”. I was shocked since my new husband and I are invited to the wedding.
I lost it yelling at her that she keeps hurting me (she left me out of the wedding dress shopping the first time but I was invited to the second one with her future mother-in-law and her step mother) I have not said one thing until today about ANY of it. She said I should have thrown her a shower . I just don’t have that kind of money and she knows it. She is always belittling my job and I see her laughing at my husband, but I pretended not to notice.
Her step mother is the reason my ex husband and I broke up since they were having an affair, so I don’t feel comfortable just texting her or calling her. In the past they always have had parties at their house, like for my daughter in law’s bridal shower, I went smiles and acted like it was fine for the sake of my kids. Later my ex husband texted me with a different story about how I was asked to contribute money to the shower but I never responded. I never got any email. I am in my email all the time I even checked spam. Now I don’t feel comfortable going to the wedding. I am so mad hurt and confused by the two different versions of why I was left out.
What would you do? Eat crow again and go? Or prove to her if she finds me so unpolished and off putting. I don’t drink. I don’t take drugs. I stayed home to raise them because I thought it was best, We split up when she was twelve and I had to get two jobs to keep the lights on and food on the table. I have a collage degree but after not working for 12 years I took a job as a medical receptionist and I also worked in a restaurant. Her new in laws are well off helping them buy a house and take them on ski trips so I guess I am not important.
Comments
If you truly want a different relationship with your daughter, sit down with her and listen to her perspective. Listen with an open mind and don’t defend yourself or argue with her. You describe her as mean and unfair, and maybe you’re right, but take the opportunity to see whether maybe you have missed something about your role in this.
Weddings bring out a lot of feelings.
For most people.
Her wedding is about her.
Not you.
I understand being hurt, but the way you are behaving is not going to land you more invitations.
I am sorry you have had these hurts leading up to this moment.
I think you would be wise to look at your expectations for your daughter and yourself around her wedding. Talk to her, let her know you are excited for her and you want her to be happy. You would love to be included and ask how you can help. Tell her you will be sad and you will understand if there are events she wants to do separately.
You would really miss her wedding? Because of a bridal shower?
“I lost it yelling at her….” Don’t let the giant red flags distract from your pity party.
Does your Daughter know why your first marriage broke up or is her Father driving that storyline?
If she does know, well sadly, she wouldn’t be the first adult child to prioritize money over relationships.
I’m also, admittedly, guessing that her financially better-off MIL & Stepmother are the “fun” ones, which is hella easier to be, when you have money & are budgeting to just to sustain basics.
I would leave you out of my bridal shower too. Yuck!
Oh my goodness I don’t know where to start.
don’t put family business out there where people can see it. It’s tacky. I hope when you asked your daughter why you weren’t included in the shower you PM’d her. If you put it where everyone could see it I think we know why she said you’re “not in the moment.”.
The stepmother is not the reason you’re divorced. That blame starts with the affair and there was a reason he was sniffing around in someone else’s rose garden. For what it’s worth, those relationships rarely work out. You have remarried; for the sake of your own sanity let the anger you hold towards your ex and his wife go. Give your own marriage the positive energy it deserves.
3)It’s evident you are carrying anger around and it doesn’t appear you’re taking responsibility for what has been happening.
If he hadn’t gotten sick my husband and I would be married 50 years by now. Instead , without any discussion, he died leaving me alone.
like it or not there’s one person who can make your life happy and that person is you. Seek counseling, start walking, move near me and I’ll give you a tough love kick in the ass a few times a week.
No one expects you to be friends with the ex or Mrs ex. Just be civil. Be happy. It will make everyone wonder why.
The end
The way you worded this and you won’t listen to your daughter’s perspective lets me know why your daughter left you out.
I cannot believe everyone on here acting like it‘s perfectly normal for a daughter to treat her mother like this. I think the daughter knows the stepmother and father had an affair and is in their camp because they have more money. Second of all, a mother isn’t supposed to throw a bridal shower for her daughter. I‘d send s gift, but not attend. I believe 100% OP will be made to feel uncomfortable. If the daughter has any conscience or love, let her see the mother is done being a doormat. I‘d send a lovely gift before the wedding. Make some plans with your husband that weekend, and don’t let them take away your sparkle. I wouldn’t argue or start anything. Take the high road. Screw your ex and his mistress/wife. Your daughter is a disloyal opportunist.
I would not go. She doesn’t respect you. I’m sorry. You deserve better.
Daughters don’t do this without good reason.
It sounds to me, you might need to have a real conversation with your daughter, and start accepting her feelings. If you blow up and blast/cry every time you are not listening. It might be hard to hear what she has to say but she clearly didn’t want you there for a reason. Do you want to fix this? Well start looking at yourself first.
WOW, I don’t understand or see how OP is the problem here. Most parents dream of their child’s wedding day. Then to be excluded from parts of the wedding preparation would be painful. If my dad cheated on my mom is have serious problems forgiving him and certainly not the AP.
Sit down and read this as if it happened to someone else, not yourself. Are you really wondering why your daughter didn’t want you there? You’re too self centered