I was on a date with a guy who is the same ethnicity as me and I was excited since he seemed funny and outgoing. Fictional crushes came up and I said characters like Django, Glenn Rhee, and Arthur Morgan since I’ve been replaying rdr2. I showed him pictures since he didn’t know who I wasn’t talking about and he actually had the nerve to role his eyes at me and said Oxford Study. He said something about me being from the suburbs and having banana tendencies too which showed me he wasn’t just joking. The character he brought up (Sue Storm?) looks white from what I can tell. I am not a confrontational person and didn’t call him out in the moment, but don’t you realize we are two Asian people out on a date together? And I’m here because I’m attracted to you??
I really don’t like how that term devolved from calling out Asian women who uphold negative stereotypes about Asian men to just shaming any Asian woman who happens to like or date a white man. While I get where they are coming from, it’s also very possessive and annoying to spout that out for no reason. He sort of turned me off from going out with him again even though he texted me afterwards saying he enjoyed our conversation. This is technically my first real date at 21 years old but idk if they’re normally that awkward.
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Not normal, he sounds like a dud
I don’t know what the Oxford study is but this man seems to have his own issues.
That’s fucking weird as shit. I am an Asian man and that’s some incel ass behavior imho.
So you said a black man, a korean man and a white man, yet all he could focus on is the latter? Wow. I don’t know what Oxford study means or what bananas have to do with anything but damn he doesn’t sound pleasant.
Also yes sue storm is a white woman in the majority depictions of her.
P.s. I fully agree with your choices they are all damn fine men!
He’s projecting his own insecurities onto you or negging you, drop him.
There are plenty of better people out there for you. From what I could google you said a black character, an asian character, and a white character. And the white character is a video game character.
None of what he said makes sense and I think this could be a version of negging – he is trying to make you feel guilty about liking a white guy so you’ll try harder to make him feel better about himself.
Don’t fall for it – move on and you’ll be happy for it.
As a white guy dating a Korean woman (my first Asian girlfriend after decades of dating), I had not heard of this. It looks like it isn’t a real study.
But then again, she has literally decades of being treated like garbage by specific Korean men, so she might not be a good source when she says bad things about them. My male Korean coworkers seem like decent guys.
Eww.
Booo sorry you had to go through that. The phrase is pretty recent right? Just another way for men to demean women and their preferences.
And (a bit ironically) I’m saying this as a half white half Korean woman lol
Korean here. Yeah, it’s rough. At least you realized it quickly. The most racism I have experienced as a Korean woman is from Asian men.
I dated a white guy in uni and I was told both by Asian men & an Asian woman that I was a ‘white worshipper’ in a group setting during a study meetup.
When I started dating my current partner (Persian) it went from ‘white worshipper’ to ‘internalized racism’.
I let it bother me for a really long time. I was adopted by white people and I’d always wanted to connect with my Korean heritage, so I tolerated it for way too long. It’s funny, when I was dating a Korean guy that cheated on me with a white woman, there wasn’t a lot of outrage about his behavior.
Not all Asian guys are like this, but a disappointing number of them are. A lot of it comes from pain and frustration for how they’re treated in the US, which is fair, but it doesn’t excuse the blatant sexism. You don’t owe them your autonomy because they’re experiencing racism.
Funny, I posted about this not 20 mins ago. It must be making the rounds again. Why can’t we bring back Trogdor the Burninator from the 00’s instead of this shit?
The “Oxford Study” is a racist (and usually misogynistic) meme. And like a decade-old one at that. No such study exists.
Sometimes people like to point to the 2010 study outta Oxford “The New Suzie Wong: Normative Assumptions of White Male and Asian Female Relationships” which is a study about TV advertisement and how it shaped perceptions of romantic relationships between white men and Asian women. It’s not about statistics or individual relationship choices or dating trends of any kind. It’s about marketing and perceptions, and it’s kinda outta date.
(Not saying biases against Asian men don’t exist in the dating world or otherwise, but the “Oxford study” that supposedly proves it, does not exist.)
Be glad to be rid of this one. You can know for damn sure his FB/TikTok feed is terrifying.
Absolute nightmare tribalism IMHO.
Definitely do not go out with this man again
You can do much better than him. I really disliked how derogatory he was to you. Rolling his eyes at you? No second date.
All the ladies love Arthur Morgan, men too.
I am sorry to report that many men are irredeemable assholes. After a while you’ll just look at it as “Well, at least it didn’t take five dates to figure out he was a loser.”
Guarantee you the same guy will be complaining to his friends in six months time that women are shallow and don’t go for nice guys like him.
These guys create their own prisons.
“Oxford study” is just an oblique way of him calling you a “race traitor”.
https://www.theguardian.com/world/article/2024/jun/12/asian-women-dating-white-men-fake-oxford-study
Ditch him and never look back.
Good lesson in trusting your instincts! Don’t rationalize or excuse- his behavior gave you the ick for a reason. There will be plenty more first dates!
He’s bein purposely mean to you to break you down.
I wouldn’t go out with him again and it would be wise to block him.
Sue storm is white as hell and always has been. Even when they race swapped her brother she was still white lol.
I have no idea what the Oxford study thing means though, this is the first I’m hearing of it
Im so tired of this double standard too , it seems like only asian guy allowed to into white girl and calling it “preference” , but shaming asian women for liking the race that they also into.
Like in most asian media ( especially cartoon) , they always depicted dark haired asian guy with a blonde/ light haired girl ( half of the time she is white).
The fact his fictional crush is a blonde white women while ironically call you oxford study 🤦🏻♀️
It sounds like he replied with a loaded judgemental quip because your listed crushed all look nothing like him. It’s his misstep for likely feeling rejected in the middle of a date and reacting like he did.
Sounds like an insecure dude. Just move on, honestly.
Id write and tell him how much you enjoyed your time with him and how attracted you where to him but that he was right and that when he brought up the Oxford study he convinced you that you two wouldnt be a match.
(you HAVE to sound a little dumb/naive to really bring it home tbh.)
What a way to bomb a date holy shit lol
Wait so he cited a nonexistent study (that is really just a meme) about Asian women dating White men when… one out of the three characters you named is White? Like am I getting that right, I had to google them but I’m confused as to this guy’s logic.
“The University of Oxford is over 900 years old. They have published a lot of studies during that time. Could you be more specific about which one you mean?”
I’d have walked away as soon as he accused me of ‘banana tendencies’. Fck that sh!t, no one needs it.
He may have ‘enjoyed’ the conversation, but couldn’t seem to keep a lid on his simmering resentment, or his entitlement.
I hope you aren’t planning to see him again, because you’re worth way more than that. He definitely needs to up his game if he’s ever going to find someone. At least he told you who he is on the first date!
he’s trying to see how much shit he can get away with saying, trying to find your boundaries and push them and see how far he can go / how much respect you have for yourself and if you’ll stand up to him. don’t give him the time of day!!!!! love LOVE yourself. find someone who respects you and never once makes you doubt their respect
It sounds like he’s negging you, basically poking you with a sharp stick psychologically. A lot of people unconsciously respond to insults by trying to defend themselves and win the person’s approval. It’s rude and manipulative and you don’t have to put up with it. Hope your next date (not with him) is better 🙂
It sucks to be diminished to basically a non-sentient object like he did. I’m guessing/hoping that you recognized it as a “him” issue and a red flag? Anyone who would say that to you in that way — much less on a first date! — is neither smart enough nor kind enough for your time and attention!
Maybe you should send him that article link from a previous poster and then block him? 🤪
He isn’t worth another date. At least he revealed that early on.
Wow, that guy knows how to self-sabotage. Impressive speed. He tried to neg you and turned you right off.
Eq, don’t go out with him again! Ew!
Noooo, he can’t even hold it together on the first date. I’d honestly give out to him and say you’re not comfortable after those comments were made, does give him a chance to take accountability and if he doesn’t then I wouldn’t even consider continuing it.
You surely want someone whom likes you not someone being condescending on the first date, or ever…
He’s a misogynist.
This attitude on top of their aggressive sexual behavior is why I avoid Korean men as a Korean woman. I try to warn non korean woman but theyre too disillusioned by kpop and kdrama. Not surprisingly they’re not treated well by Korean men they date.
Korean men have straight up admitted to me that non korean women are for fucking and korean women are for marrying.