This is very long and I apologize, but this is something I just learned and have been thinking about 24/7 since. All names and locations are fake because this story could get me in trouble with my peoples for obvious reasons. Also, If there’s any other good subs I could put this in, let me know, because I have no clue the proper place to post so I’m starting here.
A few days ago I finally got the chance to go out with some old friends (I swear all I do now a days is work, school, and sleep). The details of the day are unimportant until towards the end of the day when we were all at one of my friends apartments. Only two of the friends will be relevant to this story, so let’s call them Ray and B. Ray, B and I go back 6/7 years, and have even lived together at different points. During the second half of senior year (High school), we practically were with each other 24/7. That being said, after a few drinks we were reminiscing on different stories.
When I was in high school, specifically senior year, I was very heavy into drugs. At one point, Xanax became my new best friend. On some beautiful day I scored huge on a cheap ass pack of “3mg hulks”. I was young and suicidal at the time mind you, so I wasn’t concerned with testing or safety or anything like that. And just with my luck, this was in 2019 when fentanyl was starting to be in most affordable pills on the street. Spoiler alert, these hulks almost killed me four times, twice needing life saving measures by a medical professional, almost killed three other friends, and almost landed me in jail for life due to a separate issue. I am unsure of the timeline, but there are about one to two months of my life completely wiped out of my memory. I am leaning more towards two because not too long after this time period I found out I had missed 27 school days in a row, but I had friends who had seen me at school so it had to be more than a month. Last piece of backstory needed is that I was living with Ray and B at the time in a trap house. Regardless, Ray and B had started bringing up stories from this era.
After we talked about that for a bit B mentioned the few times I had brought my then and current girl to the trap house. I can 100% confirm that she had never been there, because she never came to my hometown until 2020. I asked them if that was true, and they swore she did. I chalked it up to the few drinks (maybe 3 shots at this point) and moved on. Some point soon they started talking about how much of a hoe I was at the time, I will not lie this was true. They were joking about the girl I left hickies on so bad she had to wear a hoodie around school for 2 weeks. Funny enough, I only fucked people outside of my school, if you knew the school you would know why, hence why my girl at the time was from a different school from another town 2 hours away (long story, got kicked out of that school, had to move back to my hometown, etc.) Nasty nasty females. To my knowledge, I only had fucked one girl from that school. This was definitely not then, so another confusing “untrue” memory. I let this one slide without mentioning anything, but the next thing I could not let go.
We need a name for my girl, let’s call her June. B asked me, do you remember picking up June from Westside Academy? (Fake school name). I had never in my life met or known anyone from Westside Academy, a Christian private school in the area, nor did June go to school in or had ever been to my hometown. I obviously said that can’t be true and looked at Ray and asked him if he remembered that. I told them that June had never gone to school in my hometown and can confirm that without a doubt. This is when Ray and B looked at each other with wide eyes and had the realization that I was right. They said they thought it was June because they had some similar features and it had been so long ago. They confirmed this was during my xan/fetty phase because we were never in school, drinking throughout the day, and actually able to trap heavy.
To make this long ass story a little shorter, I had a very short relationship with this girl. At the time, June didn’t mind if I messed around with other girls along as I was open and followed rules in place. Apparently I did not want June to know about this girl and “loved her” according to B. I truly do not remember any of this. I do not have any recollection at all. Except one thing. The summer after senior year I was homeless and Ray and I were staying in a motel. I had a girl over and we all did a shit ton of shrooms. I could not sleep but the girl next to me was slumpt, so I took to closed eye hallucinations as entertainment. One stuck with me however. It was a very vivid memory of laying next to a different girl that I did not recognize. In the vision or whatever you’d call it, I knew that this was an ex girlfriend of mine. When I sobered up, I pondered on this for a while but came to no conclusions, until now. My only memory of this relationship was through that shroom trip. I did not know it at the time 5 years ago of course.
This has really been bothering me these last two days. How could I not remember an entire sexual relationship. And when thinking deeper, they mentioned the girl from my school as well that I left hickies. That had to have been a separate female. So we’re talking, at least one relationship and one, one-night stand, that I have no memory at all of. I am still with June, and am in a committed relationship, so I am not interested in reconnecting with this mystery female(s). I just so badly want to know who she is. 1% chance, but I could have gotten her pregnant for all I know. Ray and B do not remember her name, but Ray seems to think she had “some country sounding name” starting with a K. I really don’t know what I’m looking for here, but I can not find a similar experience posted, even though I am sure this has happened to at least a few people. I do not want to tell June as I did a good job covering my tracks and cannot find any evidence of this girl, plus I’ve had two phones since this time period. I do not want to start a potential fight over something I don’t even remember, basically gaslighting myself for her. I feel like I’m probably out of luck ever finding out who this is, so again, I am at a loss. How do I cope with this information? It’s oddly burning from within not knowing who this person is. I haven’t known my mom since I was a toddler and no one knows what happened to her, this is up there with the same desire for answers. I cannot explain it. I’m not really worried about the random from my school, but I’m not one for relationships, so not remembering the other girl is killing me. Very trippy.