I had sex for the first time and now I can’t function.

r/

Throwaway so I can freely express myself. Tldr below

Hi! So I’m 20 and I grew up sheltered in a strict Mormon household, all girls school, not much exposure to dating or anything remotely sexual. I always kind of assumed I was asexual. I never really felt anything, and I was fine with that. (Thanks tumblr)

Then I went to college, moved out on my own, met some amazing friends, and started actually living a little. Still….romance or sex never really crossed my mind even being surrounded by guys. I just didn’t think I was wired that way.. sex wasn’t part of my programming….

Cut to last December I was at a small gathering with friends, and one of my guy friends (who’s genuinely the sweetest) casually asked me why he’s never seen me dating. I told him I was asexual but also still a virgin. And he very kindly asked, “But… how do you know if you haven’t tried anything?” And that question just stuck with me.

Two months later, we were talking again and the subject came up and I surprised even myself by saying I wanted to try….With him if he didn’t mind. I’m not attracted to him (he’s alternative) and he’s my friend. I trusted him and he agreed. We ended up sleeping together and… oh. Oh. So apparently I’m not asexual. Not even close! The sex was great maybe little too great….

And now? I feel like I’ve become this completely different person. I want him all the time. I think about him constantly. The physical need is out of control. It’s like my body flipped a switch and now every little thing he does turns me on. The way he smells, the way he laughs, the way he talks , the way he looks at me. It’s ridiculous. I get flustered just hearing his voice. Why does he look sexy suddenly? Why does he smell sexy?? Why did I not see this before? Was I blind??

I can’t concentrate. I’ll be in class or walking home or brushing my teeth and suddenly I’m thinking about having sex with him lol. It hits me so hard. The ache is too much. And I can’t switch it off. I’ve never experienced anything like this before.

We hook up once or twice a week, but honestly…I need more. I feel desperate. I don’t know how to say that without sounding crazy, but I want him all the time. I want to crawl into his lap and beg. How can I feel so addicted when I spent my whole life without sex or any kind of intimacy…surely this is not normal

How do people function like this…Is this what being sexually attracted to someone feels like? Because if so, wow. I was not prepared. And I have no idea how to talk to him about it without sounding desperate and needy. I don’t want to ruin this FWB dynamic by scaring him off with my desperation.

He’s ruining my mind and my ability to function. I’m laughing at myself…I feel so pathetic right now and needed this off my chest. Thank you.

Tldr I thought I was asexual turns out I’m very sexual.