I’ll never admit this in real life since society is so hard on mothers and women already. I was taught at a young age I am suppose to be a wife and mom and that’s what makes my life a good and happy one
Everyone around me is also married and has kids and they all seem happy. All the moms seem to really enjoy motherhood. Being a wife and mom is like a hobby to them. Now I’m not complaining about being married I love being married. It’s having a child that’s too much for me
My toddler is 2 years old. I work and I’m a mom. My husband shares the load with me. It’s just still all too much for me. I took my PTO today and tomorrow just to relax at home while my baby is at daycare and they have an Easter hunt tomorrow at daycare and my husband is calling me selfish because I don’t want to go to that and I can go to it because I’m off but I don’t want to spend my off day going to that. He can’t go because he has to work and he can’t take off. He literally picked a fight about that and said that I’m a bad mom and how the other moms “love doing mom shit”
I actually do agree with him. I do see other moms being so joyful and happy doing activities with their babies. I’m just not into it. I do pick up at the daycare and I see all these moms all happy picking up their kids and they are all talking to them and I’m just in and out real quick and then I just go home and take a nap, unwind and watch tv
The other moms love going to children events with their little ones and they genuinely do love participating in that sort of thing. They love baking and cooking, I don’t. The other moms post nonstop photos of their kids on social media and I don’t do that and I get questioned all the time why I don’t post pictures of my child on social media
The other moms also spend so much time spending time with their kids but I feel miserable when I have an entire day alone with my toddler. I feel drained and I don’t have fun. I just don’t like anything about spending time with my baby. I never really did.
I was a stay at home mom for 1 year and I couldn’t take it anymore and I got a job just to get away from my baby
I feel like when my son is older I won’t hate motherhood so much but right now it’s too much for me. I’m not happy doing kid shit. I’m not all smilies and giggles around kids. I just don’t have a lot of fun doing that’s stuff
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You had the child. Now you have a responsibility to take care of him, make him feel loved. Were you not taken care of and loved by your mom? 2 year olds are tough, because they are all over the place and their communication skills are not there yet. If you are patient, things will get better as he gets a little older. But don’t be cruel and withholding with your child, they know. They can tell you don’t want them. Don’t raise a child like that.
I think a lot of moms share your feelings, more than you’d think. I would also look into postpartum depression or anxiety to be safe. I would go into therapy as well. I hope things get better and easier for you with raising a toddler, it’s so hard but it’ll be worth it one day. The sun will shine through the clouds and everything will make sense.
You’re allowed to feel this what you’re feeling now. You’re NOT allowed to show it to your child.
First off, I am sorry that you feel that way, that is tough. I myself am childless because whilst I do love kids, I don’t want to be responsible for one (or more) 24/7 as I am having a hard enough time caring for myself and others around me.
What I would like to know, is: did you and your husband talk about this beforehand or did you just do it because?
As shit as it is, your kid is not at fault here and it is certainly not their fault for being here. So as much as you don’t like it, I do believe that you should suck it up and do the things. How would you have felt if your parents had been like this when you were growing up? Don’t punish your kid because YOU’RE not having a good time.
You are the grown up here. You made the choice and now you will have to stick with it. I can guarantee you the other mothers also have realy bad days where they would rather not see their kids for a while, and that sucks but it’s normal.
May I also suggest some therapy? You’ll have to find a way to cope with this and not ruin your kid’s life because you found out it’s hard.
It sounds like you’re feeling a bit trapped in the mum role. And that sucks. As an expectant mother myself I can totally see this as a potential future me – I’ve always been super independent and loved my own time. So this next phase is a biiig step away from the life I love.
But, having felt trapped in a role I didn’t like for myself before, the one thing I learned was that the avenue to get out of that feeling is choice. Sometimes purely just feeling like you don’t have a choice makes you hate something for yourself. But you do.
You’ve chosen, for this period of your life, to be a mum. What does choosing to be a mum mean for you? Choose how you want to be a parent, discuss that with your partner, set appropriate expectations and boundaries, but also choose to be present for your child. Because ultimately, you did choose this, regardless of how you may feel right now. Nothing in this post indicates that this was not your decision, so time to feel empowered with your choice and choose how you live in this space for the next decade or so.
I love taking care of my kids, but it’s not a breeze either and I need my time off too, like anyone. I absolutely hate doing chores, the laundry, cooking etc… and with kids, it gets exhausting. But that’s what parents have to do. There is no pause button, ever.
I do think you should go to the hunt. Because you will eventually regret. Because soon enough you will blink and you will chase your child’s attention. It’s important to nurture them now.
But it is not always easy. No for you and not for anyone. Some people are just better at hiding it.
I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. Here’s the deal coming from a Mom of adult kids, one being a high need, special needs adult. You don’t have to love being a Mom all the time. It’s a lot of things. And especially so young, it’s A LOT. Switch on happy mommy mode when you see your kiddo. Switch it off when they aren’t around. It’s ok. You don’t need to feel bad. I remember once my son, the special needs one, was getting his picture taken for the beginning of school. Another special needs mom was in front of us and we were chatting. She gushed over how sad she was that her kids were going back to school. My husband and I just looked at each other. We were so happy he was going back to school because he is exhausting. We still talk about that. Now sure, I did a field trip here and there and did pick up/drop offs. I took them to karate and swimming and dance and even was a band uniform Mom for four years. I didn’t LOVE it, but it was fun once in awhile. And now that that is all done, I’m glad. Because it was exhausting. Don’t beat yourself up. It’s cool to want a break.
Nobody loves being a mom all the time. Nobody likes every activity they go to with their kids.
Your husband is being an ass. No, you’re not going to take your kid to every possible activity. That would be impossible, because there are so many kids’ activities to do.
Your two year old will not remember this Easter hunt when they’re older, much less whether you were at it or not. They’ll be fine with the preschool teacher being there, as long as they get to go.
I like being a mom better now that mine are older, and aren’t into little kid activities any more (and NO DIAPERS!!!). Different moms like different stages of motherhood more or less than others.
Yeah I feel you 100% hun. But the only solution and hard truth is that you’re just gonna have to suck it up and get through the young years. It’s a lot of energy. A lot. It gets physically better when they get older but emotionally harder. I probably look like the moms you talk about but inside I feel how you feel. I force myself to be the active happy soccer mom because it’s what my kids deserve. They deserve love and happiness and joy even if I do have to fake the fun part. Don’t have any more though!!
“Other mothers love…”
No, they dont!
This is why you never let society’s pressure get to you, and live the way you want to.
I remember those days weren’t always easy. And I myself was in survival mode.
I love my kids, but was far from the Pintrest mom. No baking for classes or having it “all together”. My kids aren’t and haven’t ever been into sports.
My question is…..have you always felt this way? It almost to me sounds like you felt pressured into being a mom. Also, your husband CAN take off work for those things, because it’s parenting regardless of mom or dad. And anyone CAN request time off with enough notice.
I’d definitely due to it being a prolonged feeling start talking to your GP about PPD or depression in general.
Parenting is fucking tough, but if you’re feeling this way everyday maybe it’s time to look into it more.
Just as your child gets older, please show up sometimes and do the “mom shit.” It’s very obvious to the kids when mom just doesn’t care. I know this from experience. I don’t think it has to be all the time. But for the important things. Take the time and be with them sometimes. The time spent tells them you love them and they matter. If it isn’t spent, it messes them up for life. I lived my whole life knowing I was the bottom of my mom’s list and have spent hours in therapy trying to undo the mess both my parents made.
But always, always make time for just you, too. You deserve it.
It’s called the terrible twos for a reason, it’s exhausting. You have most of the issues you have with an infant, but now they have opinions and literally fight you. It gets much better once their brain develops a little more. Not everyone enjoys this particular stage- however I’m concerned that you don’t seem bonded to your child, and that you never did. That is a hallmark sign of something being off, because our body literally drugs us to feel extra lovey and connect to our babies. Most mammals have this instinct. But when that doesn’t happen it is often a sign that brain chemistry is off. Even if you were screened before, I would go in and see if you can get a more complete work up. It can last years, and doesn’t ever have a definite “it will dissolve on its own” feature. This isn’t about you not wanting to be Mary Poppins, it sounds like you are genuinely miserable. Don’t be afraid to admit it to your doctor. It’s worth it to try.
Your child is going to resent you if you dont participate in their life now, when you have a chance. You dont like being a mom, should ve thought about that before becoming one.
In my eyes this isn’t im having a bad day, I wish I didn’t have a kid today, this seems like everyday. Horrible mother, who’s kid and husband are both going to hate you real soon.
>I just don’t have a lot of fun doing that’s stuff
leave your family, rediscover fun.
fuck what others do or say, life is too short to be miserable.
You can’t help how you feel, but I hope you have shown your little one love and affection often.
Hey so I’ve had these same feelings before with my own kids, and it turned out I had PPD/anxiety. You can actually develop PPD way past your first year post partum. I’m on Zoloft now, and while it’s not rainbows and sunshine all the time, it seriously takes the edge off of all that comes with being a mom. You should seriously call your OB and ask them to get on meds and/ or get into therapy.
Also, this phase of parenthood is really hard, and makes you feel like you’re trapped. My MIL said that by the time her 4 kids left the nest, she was a shell of a woman, but she regrets nothing and is rediscovering herself, traveling, going out, making new friends, etc. But it’s true when they say the days are long but the years are short. Time flies and before you know it your kid won’t need help with basic things anymore, and then you’ll blink and they won’t want to be around you at all. So just take a deep breath, and keep reminding yourself that it won’t be this way forever. Push through it for your kid. But do it with help via therapy or meds to help you make it through. I’m really sorry you’re struggling. You’re not alone.
Just because they post Facebook quotes doesn’t mean they’re happy.
People who post “I love doing mom shit” are some of the laziest mothers I’ve ever encouraged in actuality.
My sister posts that kind of shit and her kids life constantly saying how great it is and she’s miserable.
Obviously your feelings are valid and everyone experiences motherhood differently but have you ever been checked for PPD. Seriously it can go undiagnosed for years.
Try incorporating activities that you both enjoy or make every day activities interesting to your kiddo.
My toddler loves to grocery shop and run errands, do laundry. He is easily entertained.
When I need a break, I let him watch Peppa the pig and snuggle him while reading a book.
We try to limit screen time, but sometimes we all need a breather.
I feel you, momma. I feel the same way, except I have 2. There’s days when I can’t wait until my youngest is grown (17 years 🥴).
Our first was a (unhappy- just don’t tell anyone) accident, and our second was a birth control failure pregnancy that we decided we wanted. Both I regret sometimes.
I LOVE my kids, but my husband is also a trucker, so I do a lot of parenting on my own.
We stay in a lot because I can’t handle both kids on my own out in public.
It’s hard, but we’re not allowed to say that out loud.
I wish I could say something to help you feel better. Just know you’re not alone, and we NEVER let the kids find out about this.
Your feelings are normal. We all have phases we like more than others. Its OK. I didn’t like the needy baby phase. The toddler phase was fun but exhausting. The preschool phase was a bitch. Now my kids are solid, like lobsters, and we are having fun again.
What’s not acceptable is your husband’s behavior.
It’s 2025. Parenting with double standards can get fucked. Tell him he can nut up or shut up. He’s 50% of that kids DNA. If it makes you a bad parent, it makes him a bad parent, too. He’s also 50% of the adults in the marriage. If it makes you a bad partner, it makes him a bad partner.
When you hold man (or any partner) to the same standard that he (they) wants to hold you to- you’ll find that his standards will become lower or he will become a better man. Either way, the problem will eventually resolve itself. 💅💅
You might still be having some PPD even though your child is 2. Your feelings are valid. Talk with your obgyn/primary care doctor about it. You feel exhausted and drained after a long day, depression can do that you. Seek help. Also, when people ask why you don’t post your child online, say “I don’t want random strangers on the internet to be able to see my child” that is a normal thing to not want your child online. My brother and SIL have almost no photos of my nephew online. The ones that are, you can’t see his face
Most moms really struggle with babies and toddlers and like it more later. You’re in a hard phase. I don’t think those other moms are loving it either. That’s just what they post on instagram. Everyone loves moments, but being alone with a toddler all day is exhausting and lonely with a few bright moments. Nannies make a lot of money for a reason.
Look, I think a lot of us Moms are wore TF out and it’s hard to get fresh energy for parenting when you never get a meaningful break. Is it possible to build in some weekly alone time to see if this helps? Also, I think we all shine during different phases. I have a harder time with the relentlessness of the baby and toddler years but really enjoyed the grade school years with my older two. Hang in there, homegirl. The other Moms out here are feeling you more than you know. <3
When your kiddo is a little older start enrolling them in extracurriculars that will connect you with other parents who share your interests; the parents you’re currently involved with sound fairly superficial, but that might partly because of the age of your kids — they’re still “new” and a lot of extended family will want to see pictures, and they’re not old enough to do much more than exist and be photographed, lol.
However when your daughter is older you can do more fun stuff with her as a person, plus get her involved in things you might actually enjoy supporting. I think the early years of parenting sound incredibly isolating and difficult, and you’re doing very well.
I’m not a mom but sending love to you regardless! I don’t feel like you’re being selfish at all. Motherhood looks very intimidating and a lot of it is very thankless in my opinion, hence why moms always talk about how much they sacrifice. I’m sorry you’re struggling, but I don’t think you’re alone. A lot of my friends have kids and talk to me about their feelings. I hope you find peace soon. Maybe a little vacation soon would do you some good if that’s something you’re able to afford right now.
Other moms don’t always want to be around their kids, we don’t all love baking or cooking, we don’t all post non stop about our kids. I think you’re buying in to the perfect picture people are putting out. My kids are 2 and 4, and I do love these ages. I think two is fun, but I get so fucking bored spending the day at home, you gotta get them out. I like some children’s events, others make me feel like I need to sit in a dark room under some warm blankets for two hours to get my sanity back. I love my kids and generally like being with them, but sometimes I wish I could send my son up to a nice looking old lady with a flower and peace the fuck out. Obviously I wouldn’t abandon him, but if someone saw me on my best and worst day they would easily think I was two different people.
Perhaps this is PPD and you need to speak to a dr, perhaps you just don’t like baby and toddler phase and you’ll hit your stride in a year or two. Talk to a dr and fake the shit out of it in the meantime. No kid deserves to feel unwanted.
I’m one of those other moms and I barely do any of those things. I love doing my own things though and including my baby.
You should bring up a lot of these concerns with your doctor. However I feel compeled to say even tho it’s not the point it’s okay not to post your kid on social media.
OP, I’m not a mother (it always sounded like nightmare fuel to me), but this sounds understandable to me. Everyone responds to motherhood differently (though I suspect many of the other mothers aren’t as keen as they appear: a certain amount of performativity tends to rear its ugly head around such matters). As long as your goblin is healthy and reasonably happy, I’m sure they’ll be fine.
Addendum: Your husband strikes me as a bit of a judgmental dick. If parenting is so happy-clappy, why isn’t he the one stepping up to do it? (We know why, and I suspect his attitude is part of the problem here.)