There’s no words to describe it. I’m not trans or anything. I don’t want to turn into a boy. But I feel like I’d be happier if I was one.
I feel so terrible and sick to my stomach thinking that my whole purpose in life is to get married, have babies, be a housewife, and then just die. While boys get so many opportunities, I have nothing ahead of me.
And don’t get me started on the standards. Why when a boy is fat, it’s fun and he’s cool and stuff. But when a girl is fat–No. Not even fat. Literally anything over 40kg, they’re flooded with rude comments. It’s not fair.
I wish we lived in a world where I can live peacefully. Without the fear of being a housewife with an abusive husband.
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Your worries and fears while not unfounded are irrational, you can whoever you want in this world, if you dont want to be a house wife then dont. I would advise therapy to help you navigate these complex feelings you have.
Where do you live where you can’t? And you should just focus on your career and what makes you happy
It’s truly sad to see this kind of frustration, the feeling of being boxed in, of opportunities slipping away, it’s understandable you’re hurting, but even amidst all this, you possess a great strength and inner radiance, and honestly, I hope you find the courage to keep shining.
i’ve read somewhere in this sub that “they hate the fact that their body gives birth”, and that hits home.
hello. i want you to know that many men and women don’t view women that way. they see women as just humans with certain body parts and more commonly having certain characteristic personality traits. you can learn to program or be an engineer or start your own company. actually i’m in silicon valley rn and certain VCs are much more likely to fund female founders bec of the uniqueness you have in the male dominated industry. you basically get an unfair advantage here lol. and sure if you want to have babies you can. but you don’t have to make that your entire life. i hope you find something amazing to do with your life and inspire other women to make theirs special too!
That’s not the whole purpose of being a woman. You can be anything whether you’re a man or a woman.
Why would that be your purpose? You can do anything you want
I mean you could literally get married, have kids, and be the one with the main job instead? Lots of guys would like to be a house husband. I’m not sure if that helps or not but yeah, also, what do you mean guys get so many opportunities? I’m pretty sure it’s the opposite.
Your purpose in life is 100% on you. There’s not set prerequisite. Dont want to be a housewife? Don’t. Don’t want an abusive husband? Don’t marry an abusive man or don’t get married at all.
Also, being a man isn’t any easier, just different. As someone who lost 150 pound in a year, I can say with complete confidence that society doesn’t deem a fat man as “Fun and cool”.
>Why when a boy is fat, it’s fun and he’s cool and stuff.
As a man who’s been fat his whole life, I regret to inform you that I seem to have missed out on the fabled fat man experience. Ridiculed and shunned would be far more accurate.
What country do you live in?
Hmm a few assumptions in ur post.
First, a woman’s purpose is not only to get married and have kids. Plenty of women don’t do either.
Second, you assumed you’d be happier as a man, women and men have different social/behavioral expectations and experiences.
Lastly, and most alarmingly, you mentioned you don’t want to be with someone who is abusive. While there are many people who can be abusive, don’t date them. Or if you don’t want to be in a relationship at all which is fine, you don’t have to date.
You can go out with friends and develop hobbies.
You sound a bit young from your post, typically outlooks in life tend to change with age
Wish you all the best luck. I’d say in this day and age, woman can realistically do whatever they want
I don’t know where you are, but I hope you can go somewhere where you’re allowed to live your own life the way you want.
Can you share anything about your upbringing? Like, do you have brothers who have been treated like they’re kings and you like your purpose is to raise kids? Or anything else that would have contributed to this outlook?
You sound like you live in a very repressive location. The American south, the Middle East, parts of Asia?
If you believe that those things are the be all and end all of being a woman, you haven’t been paying attention.
I’m a woman and I am none of those things. Nor are many of the women in my family. Your life is your own, do with it what you will.
Sounds like you might need to talk to someone, mate. Or take some time to figure yourself out. A woman’s purpose is her own to decide, regardless of what society tries to push on her. If you want to focus on your career and not have kids, then do it. And if you decide 10 years down the line thay you do want kids, then do it as well. If you want kids but don’t want to birth them yourself, adopt. Or do whatever you want.
If you really think that’s all a woman is good for, that’s on you. And probably society for forcing those viewpoints.
Also, fat people typically get made fun of and shamed regardless of their sex. Body shaming is a real thing, and by essentially claiming that it doesn’t happen to men because fat men are considered “fun”, youre taking away or minimizing the pain countless human beings go through. Don’t believe me? Look it up. If you try to find them, you will find countless stories of larger men being bullied and abused. A lot of people experience body shaming. Idk where the idea that men are accepted and not made fun of for being fat came from, but that’s very incorrect.
By the sound of it you don’t hate being a woman, you just hate society expectations of you as a woman.
The expectations and the amount of it will highly depend on your location and the type of environment there, just stop giving a shit about what you think people would want from you and start thinking what you want from you.
Please release your internalized misogyny. Our oppressive patriarchal society wants you to hate yourself, but you are powerful and magical and you must reclaim this.
No one thinks guys being big is fun and cool..
Maybe what you hate is your environment or culture?
My best friend is an unmarried 45-year-old woman who lived in China for 12 years, teaching, performing, and putting on exhibitions of her artwork.
I live with a married couple, but they’re polyamorous. So sometimes the wife will come home and tell me and her husband about an exciting date she went on. They don’t know if they’ll ever have kids. She makes six figures in content management.
I have a close friend who just got signed by a comedy agent, because she’s ridiculously talented and taking the Chicago comedy world by storm.
All 3 of these women are plus-sized.
Point being that yes, pretty much the whole world is misogynistic and patriarchal. But it’s possible to find places to go where marriage and children are not a foregone conclusion, and your body size doesn’t stop you from doing what you want!
Where in the world are you located?
There are many countries where women have choices. It is upsetting that we are still expected to be and do these things, but most of us… don’t comply.
Are we living in the same timeline? If you’re in the west, women are out educating and will soon be out earning their male counterparts, and birth rates and marriage is on the decline, I know plenty of successful women who are never going to have kids. Plenty of opportunities regardless of gender, are you willing to put the work in?
I agree with you on the weight gain, but nothing else. You can be whatever the hell you want to be. Not every man sees you as only a future housewife. You get to decide what your future will look like. No one else.
I empathize with this 💯. For all of those commenting and saying this woman can be anything she wants to be, while that is somewhat true, that doesn’t get at the root of the post. While this woman CAN be anything she wants to be, her value, according to MANY if not MOST men is what she looks like. MOST men “love” with their eyes, while women “love” with their ears. This is why a fat man can still be valued and have a great woman as a partner. Because that woman will value him for WHO he is, not what he looks like.
While there are superficial women too, who value men based off of what they can buy, men have a much easier time finding people who value them for who they are versus what they look like.
I, too, wish I were born a man. If I had, I have no doubt I would be in a relationship with a wonderful woman (there are plentiful options). I would estimate at least 50 great woman to every single great man.
The neat part is you don’t have to follow what society tells you to follow. You don’t want kids? You don’t have too. Live your life the way YOU WANT TO.
This is me growing up. Then you’ll realize everyone who holds such beliefs are stupid or babies, or both.
You decide what your life is supposed to look like, cut out all the rest of the noise
Who told you its fun when a boy is fat? He gets bullied to hell. Life is exactly the same on both side, we have the same responsibilities. You can live your life the same purpose get married, make babies, be a strong income pillar to keep up the family wealth and then just die.
Life is not based around your gender, but the choices you make. Create a live you enjoy, its not 1860 anymore where you are either forced to do anythig, enjoy the free world, and achhieve what you want and shape your atmosphere.
Being fat is not cool for guys, I can assure you. Jacked gym bros have so many more opportunities compared to overweight nerds like me.
No one is forcing you to do any of those things. You control your own life, so if you don’t want those things don’t do those things.
Don’t let crazy people on the internet brainwash you. Being a man is not any better than being a woman. Each have pros and cons. But the idea that men have more opportunities in life because women are just made to birth babies and do housework is stupid and outdated.
Specifically for the fat thing, I can confirm that women have the same criticisms of fat men.
I felt this exact same way as a pre-teen in a culty far-right church.
You don’t have to do what they say. You don’t have to get marred You don’t have to make babies. You don’t have to be a housewife. Opportunities will be a little more challenging to access than they are for boys, but you can 100% access them and access an entirely different life. I’ve travelled the world, been a teacher, and am now a law student. There is so much opportunity out there for you.
And you are so right on double standards too. I was told I needed to lose 20 pounds as a size four. I was told men only like thin women. I was told no-one would love me if I cut my hair or had a career. I’m a size 12 now, hair is far shorter than I used to be, and I’m with an amazing man who loves me, takes excellent care of me, and supports my career pursuits. And you know what, if he ever became abusive, I could and would leave because I had a great life before him too.
There are many men out there with really sexist standards, but there are many out there who will actually see you as an equal human being. And, you can 100% live alone, or with other women, with friends, or a lover. A different future is out there, you just have to risk everything you know to go build it.
Wishing you all the luck in the world.
Not to mention the expectations. Both my parents saying they can’t wait till I have kids, I’ve told them both many times I’m on the fence leaning towards no with the way the economy is going and double standards. I’m bi so thankfully I can look forward to having a nice blossoming relationship with a woman w/o the pressure of kids or possibly taking care of a fully grown man. But everyone assumes I’m straight, will have kids after college, and that’s that. No thank you!!
Thats not the purpose of your life, you decide how you want your life to be, you’re not a walking womb yk youre a person. But aside from that imma be honest the male experience is realllyyyyyy not what youre assuming it is
Nobody is making you do anything.
You don’t have to be a housewife or have kids if you don’t want to.
And I don’t think being a man is having an easy life.
If anything being a man seems more cruel.
Because they really don’t have any body on their side.
And yes I am a woman and no I am not trying to tell you that your struggles as a woman are not real because they are.
But your problem is that you feel obligated to do things you don’t have to and nobody told you you had to and you don’t have to listen if they have
Good luck and I’m sorry you feel this way.
I hope you find peace.
AND IF NOBODY TOLD YOU
YOU!! ARE!! GREAT!!!
Same, but I wouldn’t be any better as a boy probably which sucks.
nah, being male isnt all win either… you just looked at the “desireable” or “successful” men, and not the majority who takes various degrees of L
I’m curious where you live? Do you live somewhere where women are treated less or that puts women in a space like this? Trying to determine the culture before i answer…as this is not the case where I live and my kids have grown up. I have two girls 20 and 21…and this would not be their experience. I am so sorry- that you maybe haven’t seen the wonderful and beauty of being a woman…and also wonderful relationships.
Looking at your post history made me feel sad. Go to therapy. Find happiness. Hatred and sadness and jealousy isn’t the route
The reason men find it funny to be fat is because we understand each other and we don’t judge them by their appearance.But talk to a fat man about his feelings, love life and dating and you’ll see that he’s terrible, all of us who have been fat have reached certain limits.
we should switch
You can do whatever you want. Your whole purpose is whatever you make it.