I hate children so much that i feel a constant urge to see them be hit/hurt and i hate it

Warning: this is a extremely fucked up post!

Im F16 and it’s like the title says.
I’m not trying to be edgy, I hate this about myself but i know deep down this is how I am. I have felt like this since I can remember, even when i myself was a kid.

I remember when i was around 9, my first niece was born and while the rest of my family was extremely happy, i didn’t love her. I was so angry about this, i knew this was weird of me, i used to hug her and tell her i loved her because i thought that it will come to me and that i would or that i already did, but no.

After more and more time i realised this more. After more of my nieces were born, i couldn’t stand them. I never did or said anything, of course, i wouldn’t ever. Sometimes when my sister shouts at them and makes them cry, i can’t help but feel happy.

I watch videos of women beating their kids as it makes me feel better. Whenever I hear a child has died, I can’t help but feel happy about it.

I find that as the child grows, i see them more and more as an actual human being, to which i feel sympathy and not hate. This I know because of my oldest niece, whom i can now finally say i do slightly love, but i hate the guts of her younger sister. Hopefully this will change with time as she too will grow up.

(I do not want to have children obviously)