Who loves them? What’s the point?
They wouldn’t be in that position in the first place if they were loved.
They feel unloved, worthless to the point they are offing themselves.
Emotionally numb to the point they can’t feel love.
Lonely and alone, so alone that they dont even get basic human interaction/touch/affection.
Ok, let’s say they are loved. What’s the point? They are offing themselves for some reason, which has nothing to do with the fact that they are loved or not.
Their loved ones get to have the comfort of their presence. What about the one who is suffering, dragging their painful existence for someone they are “loved by”. That’s not enough to take their pain away.
Now I wonder how come strangers on the Internet somehow “know” they are loved.
Comments
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Valid in my book. I’m loved. I know that. I still also struggle with serious intrusive thoughts.
I agree with you. There are people who are absolutely unloved and that would just make them feel worse. And for many, the fact that they are loved might not be the strong pull that many assume it is because their reasons for suicide, whatever they may be, might be stronger than that love (not saying it’s logical or true or whatever, but I’m saying through the pov of a suicidal person). This statement might work for some people and it would best be said by those who know them, not random strangers.
Because reassuring is better than reinforcing. Many suicidal people have a delusion of no one caring about them.
Ever heard of empathy? It ain’t that deep. People want to comfort others but often don’t know the right words to say.
When I was struggling, I hated, really hated, to be comforted with words that implied empty promises of support. “It’s going to be fine” from someone who’s going to be there with you along the way is totally different than the same words said by someone who’s not going to be there. I imagine it’s the same for you with “You are loved”.
However, there are people who truly believe it. There are people who believe that there’s love for everyone out there. There’s also people who want to sound like the people who believe in this love. It’s hard to tell the difference.
There are plenty of people who have almost everything they need, including a loving household and they are still suicidal.
People have committed for being bullied at school or online, a crush not liking them back, doing poorly on finals.
People can be suicidal even when family and friends love them and they understand they are loved. It’s not just about being loved and if you think so, you’re incredibly ignorant. Sometimes all we need is reassurance and empathy, and that’s what “you are loved” does. Sometimes all it takes is 1 thing to not go through with it.
It is trite, that’s for sure.
Sometimes it’s better to say something than nothing, though, and not everyone knows exactly what to say.
Personally, the often suicidal people who have shared their feelings with me often sank deeper into their emotions when I tried to comfort them so I just don’t respond anymore. When I finally couldn’t take it anymore after months of torment with two of them (both at different times, who refused to seek treatment for mental health), I told them they were being incredibly selfish trying to shift their burdens onto me, and they stopped. We also stopped being friends, which was fantastic for me because they were eroding my own mental health.
To date, no one I know who has expressed suicidal thoughts publicly or privately to me has committed suicide. 🤷♀️
I probably will never understand how suicidal people feel like, i understand that.
But suicidal people will also never understand how it feels to talk to someone suicidal that you actually care about. the most subborn people ever, every scenario is different ofcourse. but there are people who believe no one loves them who actually are very loved. but its like impossible to convince them or show them.
Of all the atrocious things that go on in the world, you chose to be offended by people trying to comfort suicidal persons? That’s fucked up.
You don’t know every suicidal person. Many of them do have loved ones. Many of them have reasons to stay in this world and perhaps reminding them of it can help. What doesn’t help, however, is being a sourpuss and shitting on people trying to help.
“you’re loved” is virtue signaling speech. If we were loved we wouldn’t be here, but strangers think if they say empty things to a desperate person on the Internet, they will sleep better at night. I ignore that nonsense. They care when you’re dead, then all of a sudden you were worth something, until then it’s nothing but self centered nonsense.
Because they are loved and not alone by those reading with similar struggles, duh
It helps. A lot. Because it’s not a total absence of love from other people, but a barrier preventing you from seeing it. You think you’re so unworthy of anyone’s love that even if someone does love you, it doesn’t matter.
There isn’t a manual on how to be good at reassuring someone. Everyone react differently to things. When you want to show someone that you care that they exist but don’t have the right words, sometimes something generic is all they can offer. It can be helpful even if its basic. It’s not empty, just overused. If you don’t like how someone is trying to comfort you, you can let them know what feels best to you.
I’ve been on the edge before, many times. Some stranger taking time out of their day to tell me I have reasons to live, even if they don’t know that for sure, was enough to bring me out of it. The idea that someone heard my cry for help and answered it when they could have brushed it off as nothing is enough to stop people from ending it. It can put life into perspective for people who got lost in the saddest of sauces.
Weird fact but did you know suicide hotlines put people on hold, seems heartless right? We’ll actually holding space for your sadness while you’re on hold can get you to thinking, and before you know it, you’ve talked yourself out of something that just a moment ago was so big, seems so silly now. So, sometimes saying nothing can be just as helpful as a generic acknowledgement or professional care.
I think that saying “It’s the thought that counts” applies here. People posting about their depression don’t do it because they are looking for the perfect responses from the right people, they are doing it because they are calling out for help and any help at all is often better than none.
If anything I think it coming from strangers means more. You’d expect their loved ones (assuming they have any) would go out of their way to try and make them feel loved and wanted. They would already know and expect that. Maybe what they need to to see that there are loving strangers in the world who were willing to step outside of themselves just to tell them that they deserve to live, no matter how generic the message was. Is beautiful to me no matter how you try to paint it.
If you are depressed, I truly hope you find healing. You deserve to live and be happy, and I wish that for you. Good Luck OP!
I’m suicidal. It really helps when my friends and family remind me that I’m more important than how much money I have and that I am a positive influence on the people I interact with. I AM loved. If I weren’t I would have killed myself by now.
I think it had more to do with the love they have for themselves.
You’re all right. My thoughts nowadays.. like that..
I get it, it doesn’t make sense at any moment, before, during or after. It doesn’t make you feel heard, it doesn’t take your struggles away, it doesn’t fix anything really. If you don’t love yourself and don’t see the point, the phrase you are loved doesn’t do or mean much.
I’ve been deeply depressed, not suicidal, because I thought about the hurt my kids would experience. But for a long time I felt I couldn’t BE loved. What helped me was a listening ear, a cuddle, a kind gesture and patience. Those where the things to get me through, not the I love you’d, not the ‘be kind to yourself’. It was the little things people don’t even realize matter
I agree, it’s a shitty thing to say to someone going through this, and most of the time you’d be better off saying nothing at all.
It’s like, I know there are people who care about me, why do you think I feel so fucking shit about being suicidal? Thanks for reminding me that I’m a massive piece of shit for how I feel, amazing job.
This only works if YOU love the person and your actions prove it. I was able to convince someone to not end their lives because I proved I care for them, not by saying other people did.
Not everyone, I would go out on a limb and say not MOST suicidal people are suicidal because they feel unloved or unwanted. Plenty of people with tons of friends and family, with what looks like from the outside, a good life overall, have committed suicide. Rich and famous people with huge circles of friends who are loved by all have committed suicide. Robin Williams was loved, and he and his family were very close.
Suicide is complicated.
Disease and pain can cause it. Severe depression can cause it. Empathy and hating the state of the world can cause it. Addiction can cause it. And yes, feeling unloved can too.
I have no idea if saying that is helpful, but what I do know is that you’re wrong to say it isn’t true. It might not be true for some people, but many, many people who end their own lives are loved fiercely, and a lot of them know it.
Even I know, as someone who hasn’t been suicidal, that you’re massively oversimplifying suicidality. Just listen to the many different stories people share about their experiences and you’ll learn that for yourself pretty quickly.
When I’ve been suicidal it’s usually because of my anxiety – that I’m not enough, that I’m somehow a burden, or going to be a burden. I am lucky enough to be surrounded by people who care about me, but that can be hard to see when you’re caught up in your feelings. Sometimes, not always, but sometimes, the reminder that you are loved can pull you away from a bad decision. So why not say it? If that reminder saves even one persons life out of a thousand it’s sent to, that’s worth it no?
it’s js smt ppl say to make everyt bet ye r on the surface level its like an invisible social contract its like how when someone fat says smt abt their body ppl will immediately go no ur not fat whereas some will avoid the topic and say noo dont say that ur beautiful
>They wouldn’t be in that position in the first place if they were loved.
I understand what you’re saying, strangers on the internet don’t know if that person is loved or not. But this comment is completely false.
I’ve been suicidal despite having siblings, a parent, and friends who loved me. My best friend has been suicidal despite being loved by parents, siblings, friends, and a partner. My grandmother was suicidal despite having a husband and children who loved her. Hell, Robin Williams died by suicide and he was loved by millions.
Being loved and feeling loved aren’t the same thing. Being loved and feeling wanted aren’t the same thing. Being loved and feeling supported aren’t the same thing. Being loved and wanting to be alive aren’t the same thing. Depression and other mental health issues that cause suicidal ideation don’t care how loved you are. You can be the most beloved person in the world and still be suicidal.
How about this? “You deserve to live and be happy, and I want you to learn how to love yourself”
Sometimes what helps is someone just listening and saying “yeah man that really sucks.” Being loved is what kept me here. We know we’re loved but that doesn’t stop the thoughts. For all the times I didn’t want to be here anymore, I thought about the people I would hurt by ending my life and it made me push through plus I have animals depending on me so I can’t just abandon them. Those people that told me life sucks right now and that’s okay and then sent me a relatable sad song to feel less alone are what helped me stay.
Been suicidal several times in my life. The problem for some, not all, suicidal people is that they feel unworthy of love. Sometimes that bit of extra care from others can make you feel a bit better. A simple ‘you are loved’ or some variation can make you feel less judged or disliked. It’s an empathetic act. One that’s help a lot of people in the past.
Admittedly, “you are forgotten and nobody cares” would probaby work worse.
You are loved is wayyy better than some other things I can think of.
i’m convinced that some people actively enjoy being angry at people with good intentions. if you try to help them by showing affection, you’re just offering empty platitudes. if you leave them alone, you’re ostracizing them. this line of thinking is why internet communities for mental illnesses (specifically depression) tend to be so toxic and counterproductive
How arrogant to think you know why all people are suicidal.
Everyone has their own reasons. And if you love them, tell them.
Problem is: There is NO WAY someone can help a suicidal person. There might be psychologits and therapists who could hel but only if the suicidal person WANTS to be helped.
Any normal person, whatever they say, they will be wrong. Their help will be useless and completely ignorant to the suicidal. So, what’s the solution? What can the average Joe do to help? Should the average person just sit and look?
Suicidal people are very often selfish towards the normal person and their – yes sometimes silly but honest – attempts to give a hand. They are not equipped to help just as much as an average person isn’t equipped to perform a heart surgery. Yet, some of them try their best and asking them to shut.up and do nothing is beyond cruel.
Yeah, I’ve battled with suicide attempts/thoughts my whole life and what helped me when I’m in my lowest is being seen/heard, like honestly being seen/heard. It makes me feel connected/related and kinda brings me back. It’s about empathizing, sometimes simple “yeah that shit sucks” is enough.
What I hate wholeheartedly is the bunch of clichés, like: you’re loved, the world is better with you, permanent solution for temporary problem, we care about you, etc, etc, especially from strangers or anyone who’s not my close friend. It feels extremely generic and hypocritical, because those things are literally a lie. Like people feel good about themselves spitting it out and moving on because they took 2 seconds to write “yaay you’re loved”. And they get really defensive aggressive if you ever point it out. Basically what partially happens in comments.
This helps me.
When my mother tried, her reasoning was that we’d all be better off without her. The day before she tried, she and my dad spent a glorious day doing the things they like to do. Multiple people who’ve tried have said the same thing- it’s that they feel they are bringing people down, they feel unworthy, they’re the ones destroying everything by living, so the people who love them and that they love would be better off if they weren’t around.
Depression and suicidal ideation don’t care how love you are, by anyone.
People don’t just do it because they’re unloved. My friend wanted to do it because of the amount of pain she was in. I wanted to because my nausea was so bad and the hospital hadn’t found anything that worked yet.
People don’t know what to say in situations like this
It’s just one of those bullshit phrases like “you are valid” that people love using so it feels like they’re saying something meaningful and impactful.
They probably mean well.
People resort to platitudes when they don’t know what to say because they can’t handle deeply emotional conversations and truths.
I think they wanna say that your actions will hurt others around them.
Which is true. Ask whoever had a friend who commuted suicide: it’s INTENSE.
People who are loved also commit suicide. Part of depression is the false belief that no one loves you and that the world would be better off if you were dead. Combating that belief is helpful in giving some perspective.