I had four children, and he is my youngest. He has been difficult since before he was even born. His entire life he has had ADD and probably other issues. Everyone in the family walks on eggshells around him. You never know when he will explode and the threat of violence is always there. When he was 17, his sister, my youngest daughter was murdered a few weeks prior to that his father, my husband ended his life. Those two events were only 42 days apart two separate tragedies. I cut my son a lot of slack over the years because of the pain. However, now he’s 26 and he continues After all these years to inflict nothing but pain and heartache on me. He’s never moved out, two years ago, he moved his girlfriend into my house without my permission. She was likable enough. They had a child who I love and of course now they are broken up because he is so difficult And I no longer can see the baby either. My son ruins my life. He doesn’t pay any bills he doesn’t pay for food he doesn’t follow through. He doesn’t do anything around the house to help. He’s “in business for himself“ doing handyman work, but he doesn’t do one damn handyman thing around my house. I work in another state and travel home once or twice a month Even when his former girlfriend lived here although she can’t for the baby neither one of them paid any bills barely did any cleaning and it’s just an ongoing cycle of living with a teenager. He works in the garage. He blast the music he’s rude. He’s disrespectful. He’s not fun to be around His temper as explosive. My two older children are lovely so I don’t know why he has so awful, but he makes me want to kill myself. I feel like the only way I will ever get away from him is to end my life or hope that some disease takes me. The only way you can get along with him is to do exactly what he wants. If he does something that you want, he will make it horrible. He will sit there and be mad, he won’t talk, he’s not friendly, he won’t shake other people’s hands when he meets them,he has no manners. I think he’s borderline autistic or something. There’s something wrong with him, but I just can’t stop hating him.
Comments
Kick him out??
“His entire life he has had ADD and probably other issues. ” did you ever get him HELP for these “other issues? especially after losing his dad and sister in such horrible ways so close together? Have you ever tried encouraging him to seek help on his own? Or even gotten therapy for yourself?
You don’t owe your son a relationship. If he mistreats and abuses you and refuses treatment or therapy or any type of healthy communication, you’ve done everything you realistically can. People that don’t want to change won’t. Honestly your son sounds very similar to my brother who has terrorized my family since we were kids. They to this day have never enforced boundaries and my brother is 42. Do you want this to be your life? Kick him out and let him experience some life consequences. Maybe he will see how good he has it and apologize, but we both know he won’t, he will blame you for everything. Forever. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. Some people can’t be helped. Don’t destroy yourself trying, from someone that has experienced similar.
Sell the house. Buy a small condo or a house in a 55 and older community so there’s no way he can move in with you. You are not responsible for keeping a roof over his head for the rest of his life. You deserve peace.
Kicking him out would be a service to him, even if he hates u for it, even if “something is wrong with him”. You treat something like and it becomes that thing. Treat him like a man.
And don’t stew on the past, think about the next 5 days not the last 10 years
It’s always the parent’s fault if the kids have issues. You either missed something that happened to him and/or didn’t get him the help he needed. That was your responsibility when having a child. You don’t get to blame his behavior when you shaped it his entire life. Try some introspection.
Move into a condo. Give him the date that he will have to get himself his own place. Besides, you probably don’t need that much space anymore.
Did he ever get therapy for the PTSD?? Seriously.. did you??
Therapy maybe? For you because sometimes humans don’t make the best choices in the heat of the moment. And your son , for obvious reasons.
How do you communicate with him? Like have you been able to express this to him? What is your approach?