I’m 16f, if that matters. I’m bisexual, an onlychild and I live in a conservative household, English is not my first language.
Now to get into explaining:
My mom is sweet and understanding, although just as judgemental as my father.
Just in comparison, my mom is a 100x better than he is.
He gets drunk every Friday till Sunday, it really bothers me. I’m not sure if I’m allowed to complain, seeing as he’s only drunk on the weekends and has only hit me once or twice when I was a tween, not under the influence. Otherwise, I don’t talk to him and he doesn’t talk to me. If we do, it usually ends up in a screaming match. He mocks my mother, and makes sexual jokes towards me when he’s drunk. I’ve told him before that I do not like being touched when he’s drunk, which seemed to bother him even more, since he denies any of the awkward things he has said or done. He especially gets aggressive when I call him out on his bs.
I visit a psychologist every two weeks or so, it has helped, but I still feel like nothing is changing.
Moving out is definitely not in question.
I honestly wish I had no father instead.
I’m sorry for any spelling mistakes.
Comments
At 16, you can’t possibly know if you are bi sexual, straight gay or trans any more than you can hate your dad. Your whole entire perspective and point of view will change in just a few years.
I’m sorry you go through that. Is there any way you can talk to him about how you feel? (In regards to the jokes and etc). Also maybe try your best to avoid him or talk things through
Your father is cruel, demeaning, and fundamemtally abusive, and is utterly failing at the baseline responsibilities of a man with a family. Which is treating his wife and kid(s) with decency and care while setting a good behavioral example.
You likely will never change him, but your anger at his terrible behavior is entirely healthy and rational. Considering how he chooses to act towards his supposed loved ones, it would be strange if you didn’t hate him for how he treats you.
You do not deserve to be treated that way by your father, and he is a failure as a man for how he treats you. Making sexual jokes at your daughter, let alone belittling you when you bring this up and trying to lie about what he’s done, is beyond unacceptable.
Sounds like your dad’s behavior is really toxic. You’re already seeing a psychologist, which is great. Maybe discuss setting boundaries or coping mechanisms with them, like having a safe space or support system at home. Your well-being matters.
He sounds like an ass. I think your best bet is just to keep a safe distance from him when he’s drunk. If you don’t need to talk to him, don’t. Try to be out of the house or in your room, wherever he’s least likely to interact with you. And if you do interact while he’s drunk, record but don’t react to his jokes. Your goal at this point should be to keep the peace, and your best bet is to treat him like a hazard that needs to be navigated around, not a human being that can actually be reasoned with.
In your country, when’s the earliest people tend to move out? Whenever that is, I’d just make sure you’re ready when the time comes so you aren’t stuck there longer than you have to be.
I say record his jokes because that behavior is troubling and could escalate. I don’t know about police in your country, but if there is an adult other than your mom you trust, they need to know what’s going on
Aren’t psychologists mandatory reporters for child abuse? If he’s hitting you and touching you, why haven’t the police become involved?
As a guy who is over 50, married, built a life and raised a couple kids of their own, I can tell you this: it happens. And you’re not going to always like everyone you encounter in life. And that includes family. I did not get along with my parents growing up. I always felt they hated me. They proved me right