Truly need to get this off my chest. I’ve been dealing with this feeling for over a year maybe 2 now. He’s 17 and is a disrespectful, undisciplined, unmotivated punk ass who takes advantage of his mom. Mom doesn’t discipline him anymore as to not have her house destroyed (which his older sister did [same situation different story with her]) and basically treats him as a baby (which I understand it’s her son). I’ve had altercations with him in the past because I end up losing my shit due to him being disrespectful to his mom. (I grew up with a single mom and was surrounded by women so I don’t take anything like that towards women lightly.)
His older sister was a nightmare (I blame her for having an influence on him and supplying his weed addiction) and his dad is in and out of jail. I don’t have a problem with weed I just don’t like having it in the house around my 2 younger daughters.
His sophomore year of high school he started ditching a lot and disappeared for a day without letting anyone know to which I had filed a police report. Mom did nothing to discipline him when he returned. He then demanded that he wanted to go to another school (continuation) and would not go until he switched. He didn’t go for a week and then mom enrolled him into the other school.
Since this new school he’s missed almost 4 months of school and when he does go, doesn’t show up until 1-2 hours before school lets out . Mom has disciplined him a couple times after I tell her something needs to be done (shutting off cell service, shutting off WiFi, removed his door) but at the end of the day he does what he wants. We have talked to the school multiple times and have even had house visits from one of the teachers. Even when the teacher has showed up, it’s like pulling teeth to get him out of bed.
He sleeps most of the day and stays up most of the night. Mom thinks he has a sleeping problem and has made appointments for sleep study but she doesn’t follow through. I believe he just does this to avoid going to school. He doesn’t have a problem at all, he woke up early one day and got to school early because it was a field trip. (So all of a sudden this sleep issue is not a problem? Get the fuck out of here). He’s on track to not graduating and really doesn’t care. All he does while awake is smoke weed and scroll his phone while staying in his bedroom.
He does absolutely NOTHING to contribute to the house. Anne Franks drum kit is more useful than him. He’s a parasite.
Mom and I have talked plenty of times about it but it only ends up her getting angry with me. I’m just completely over him and all his shit. It bothers the shit out of me because mom continues to do shit for him just so he likes her (Brings food to his room for him, gives him money).
I’m more than sure his real problem is with me and at this point he’s done too much to where I don’t want a relationship with him( I’m the type of person that will hold a grudge until the day I die). At this point I’m just hoping that when he turns 18, mom kicks him out like she did to his sister. But if she doesn’t, I’m highly considering leaving until he is gone. Having him around just absolutely bugs the shit out of me and keeps building more and more hatred and anger for him.
Until he gets his shit together I want nothing to do with him.
Thanks for taking the time to read my rant.
Comments
Yeah your wife and your stepdaughter are a contributing factor to why he acts like that. There is no way she should have continued to enable the behavior, especially for how she allows her son to disrespect you. Do you think the reason why the kids act like that is because of their father as well? Maybe the stepdaughter was influenced by their father?
Honestly, I would have to give her an ultimatum. Either you and the girls or him. He’s too old to be doing this stuff and he does it because he gets away with it. He doesn’t see you as a parental figure, so he’ll never listen to you. He knows what to say to mom that will lead to him getting his way. He knows how to play the game and knows how to play it well. Even if he gets into legal trouble, he won’t learn because the other parent is in and out jail himself.
You can’t do much in this situation, it’s the wife. You have to think about yourself and your girls. Do you want your girls taking after their older siblings? Do you want their mom to end up leading them down the same path?
I would try therapy if anything, try to really figure out the root causes for mom and the son.
You certainly have every right to be angry and frustrated. Although I’m curious, since this seems to be a pattern with both of your stepchildren, what went wrong in their childhood to have them turn out like this? Were they abused by their biological dad? Was mom emotionally hands-off and physically enabling? In my experience, when multiple kids end up with major behavioral issues or failure to thrive as adults, it usually leads back to how they were raised… And to that point, if you have younger daughters, what’s being done different with them to ensure they don’t have a similar future?
You have a bad mom problem not a bad stepson problem
I would tell her when he is 18 he is either paying rent, attending school regularly or he is out and we should warn him now
I’d say it’s time to pack yourself and your younger kiddos up and go somewhere else. He is old enough to know & act better. Mom enabling him isn’t going to change through conversations with her anymore. She needs to figure it out because he’s about to be an adult & in the real world and can’t rely off of yall when you’re still raising younger kids. I’d take the younger ones and go stay somewhere else until she can figure out she’s actively feeding into his behavior and fix it. But I wouldn’t stick around with my younger ones watching all of this.
My dad is in this situation EXACTLY with my stepmom and her son. For reference I’m 27. Her son is 25 now. It has only gotten worse. He is STILL AT HOME no job, no aspirations, no contributions. And I love my dad, but it’s getting worse in part because he’s ultimately enabling it by not standing up for himself more seriously or giving my stepmom an ultimatum. My stepmom refuses to do anything but coddle, my dad seethes in silence. It’s a miserable life they live, tbh. Best of luck. It’s a shit situation, from what I’ve observed of my similar one. If you were my dad I’d be encouraging you to stand up for yourself.
Here’s the hard pill: at 17, you’re probably not going to “fix” him. His trajectory will only change when he decides it has to, and that may not happen for years. You can’t want it more than he does. What you can do is protect your own peace, and your daughters’ peace. Whether that means detaching emotionally, setting firmer house rules with clear consequences (that both you and mom enforce), or even stepping away temporarily. That’s valid. Your mental health matters too.
Also, you don’t have to like him, but letting go of some of that anger, might give you a bit of relief.
You need to take your younger children and leave her
Just tough it out until he is 19. You and mom should give him the ultimatum, college, trade school/job core, military. He doesn’t have that much longer and he probably can see how you feel about him (which doesn’t make things comfortable for him anyway) and will want to chart his own path. How long have you been in his life? I am sorry but the way you talk about him, he is a teen, being rebellious, and lives with a step parent that hates him. I feel more sorry for him than you.
I’m with you once he turns 18 show him the door
Yeah, she’s not going to suddenly kick him out when he’s 18. You’re fooling yourself. You need to decide whether the good outweighs the bad and if it doesn’t, then move on.
I am so glad I never had children
You have a part to play in all of this and your picker might be broken.