(Prefacing it by saying I’m in a healthy relationship now. In therapy. And my birth family was abusive af, so I really couldn’t tell what affection was supposed to look like) .
Things this guy did to me and I allowed it-
- kicked me in the butt because he found it funny
- would fat shame me (fasto, fatty, fatass) after we had sex and when I would ask him why he was being so mean, he would “joke” that we’d already had sex so he didn’t need to lie/compliment me anymore (I was very fit at the time, dressed well and was generally considered quite good looking.)
- one time I shared with him that I despite my abusive childhood I would work on myself till I became healthy and happier than ever. He told that I’d spiral and end up worse than I was now. And when I got upset, the “it’s just a prank bro” type shit ensued
- made me pay for all the dates
- he would tell me say I was extremely fat and if I told him that I looked thin in the mirror, hed say I was fat from behind where I couldn’t see myself
- would encourage others to make fun of mew
- refused to do things for me because he said it would hurt his ex’s feelings
- said “Idc about my birthday”. Then got sulky when I cooked him a birthday meal because he wanted more of a fuss to be made
- didn’t do a single thing for my birthdays and said for two entire years ” Now isn’t the right time to give your gift”. Spoilet alert, I never got it
- probably cheated on me with ex & then a coworker (but by this point i had become too dead inside to care)
Why did I let him get away with so much for so long. Destroy my already mangled self esteem, body image. And the irony is that I was so absolutely abused by every other person that this toxic, shaming, gross relationship was the most love I’d ever received at that time. Im not even angry at the guy, I’m mad at myself for letting him do all of that
Happy ending: to end on a positive note, that idiot left me when I was suicidal (kindest thing he did to me). And my now-husband came along and put me back piece by piece with all the love and kindness to make up for this miserable lifetime.
Comments
I have a similar sorry too. I have no idea I let my ex treat me like that. I’m in a happy relationship now. I just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone. I sometimes hate myself too.We have past trauma that mess up our lives. I’m happy that now I can tell the difference between toxic and non toxic behaviors and stand up for myself.
>And my now-husband came along and put me back piece by piece with all the love and kindness to make up for this miserable lifetime.
This is a nice ending. But I do wonder – did you ever learn to draw boundaries and stand up for yourself? It’s an important skill in romantic relationships but also every other aspect of your life. You feel so much happier and grounded when you become your own best advocate.
I went through a similar thing. For all the bad treatment and actions he would always use the words “i was just joking around”. Ruined every birthday of mine. Hated his own as well and even got mad at me for saying happy bday and buying him presents.
You have a person that loves you now and that is all that matters. You can clearly see now you were never the problem, even tho you might not of felt like that when you were with that idiot.
Never let yourself be treated like that again.
So you hate yourself for someone else’s actions? Why are you still doing his work for him? Hold him accountable for the choices he made to hurt you.