I’m 35(f) and my husband 35 (m) Just came to say I hate sports betting and what’s its done to my partner. We have bills to pay and debt and somehow he will still sports bet. I love him and he is a great person but I am feeling stuck. Like I can’t thrive in the relationship with this on it. Sports betting is everywhere and is changing so many people. Idk how to cope .. I want to try the “let them” theory. Just let him ruin himself and get into debt but it’s like I feel dragged into it. Sigh. Anyone else dealt with this in their marriage or relationship ? What did you do ? (So I guess I am looking for advice lol)
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What? No. This is not a “let them” territory.
Everyone worries about infidelity, but this truly rare. I’ve seen more relationships crash and burn to the ground because of financial irresponsibility, and gambling spirals so fast. Some people simply have no self control here. I can go to a casino once a year with $100 and if I lose it, I’m done. Sports betting is all over now and has probably ruined more than a few relationships. No one should be gambling if they already have debt. You need to have a firm, serious talk with him about this. The answer here is to communicate “You are done with this.”
It’s a gambling addiction. I’m sorry. My fiance lost thousands of dollars (before we were engaged) and I told him once we moved in together our finances would be entangled and the sports betting + stock options were effectively tanking his disposable income. And we’re not even married, you are..legally, you’d be responsible for his debts.
My partner self excluded, first in Florida, now in Massachusetts. For the latter he’s also banned from casinos, which were never a problem but we figured might as well. He’s not able to use the apps anymore and the call was super easy, the guy who talked to him was very kind and understanding.
Not sure if your husband is willing to go that route, but it might depend how deep into he is. Do you have exact numbers on how much he’s lost?
Nationally speaking, it’s definitely becoming a massive problem. Even college kids are starting to get into it even if they’re legally under the limit to gamble in certain states, as some apps provide loopholes. Advertisements are everywhere and phones are already addictive and super accessible before you add gambling addiction to the mix. It’s tough.
He needs therapy to address his gambling addiction. Are you willing to keep settling for this relationship? Give him an ultimatum- it’s you or the gambling, and follow through.
This is not something that you should be taking the “let them” approach because your finances are tied to his. This isn’t something like “he plays too many video games and is impacting his sleep.” This will ruin you and your marriage.
It sounds like he has a gambling addiction or is at least on his way to one. How tied are your accounts? Do you have separate money? Is he taking out debt with your name on it too?
One of my colleagues is a sports betting gambler. I find it wild he openly talks about how much he gambles with his work people but tries to hide it from his wife. Right before a meeting our boss was doing a presentation using that guys computer and he told boss to “disregard” the open tabs on the gambling sites
You walk away before he ruins your life and your future. And THEN let them.
I understand. My husband has cut back over the years, and I finally think I have convinced him its real gambling, not “contests”.
You only follow “let them” when it won’t affect you. Gambling debts will absolutely take you down as well as long as you are married to him.
I personally wouldn’t risk my financial future to stay in a relationship. At a minimum, divorce him to legally contain the fallout to his own life.
You’re not crazy for feeling this way. Sports betting can be straight-up toxic when it’s messing with the essentials like bills, debt, peace of mind. You love him, yeah, but love don’t pay the rent or fix the stress.
I mean, legally that’s all your debt. “Let them” does not work in that case when they’re ignoring reason and budget and have an addiction. “Let them” works when you both only have say $100 a month in fun money and your like “dude you hate Series Name games, don’t buy that game” “nah maybe they got better it’ll be fine. (later) Wow that sucked,” Places where it’s limited failure and your partner is smart enough to see their flaws.
Can you push to get him to talk to someone about the gambling addiction?
Call the gambling addiction number where you live, they can give you some ideas to help.
Gambling addiction is really dangerous, and with the way these apps advertise and target people, it’s really easy to blow everything. This isn’t a time to sit back and see if he can figure it out. He needs to be in counseling and if I were you, I’d be putting together an exit strategy that includes squirreling away money to leave him before he loses it all.
If you’ve spoken to him about this already, then you need to give him an ultimatum. If he’s the great guy you say he is, he will recognize the harm he is causing and try. If he dismisses your concerns, well, that’s also an answer.
He is addicted and needs to talk to a doctor to start therapy.
Your husband has a gambling addiction if you guys are in debt and can’t pay bills, yet he’s still betting.
He needs to go into all of those apps and self exclude and then delete them from his phone.
There should be no compromising over this.
Also for context, a family member convinced him last year he could do it full time as a job and he invested so much time in learning it. He stepped away from it for a while but I discovered he is still doing it. It’s so disappointing
The rise of DraftKings and other sports betting apps have dramatically increased the number of gambling addicts in this country. Baltimore recently filed a lawsuit against them for taking advantage of people like your husband.
Your husband is an addict and needs help. You could certainly “let him” go into debt and further spiral into this addiction. But I would approach this with all the seriousness you would approach an alcoholic. Interventions, articles, recommending professional treatment, etc.
Best of luck with this!
Financial issues are a hard stop for me. If my husband developed a gambling addiction it’d be a ‘get help and stop IMMEDIATELY or I leave’. You can ruin yourself but you’re not taking me down with you. He’s the love of my life but I am not very far removed from the years of having to decide between rent and food. I will never live that life again.
It’s an addiction and will ruin him. He will ruin you.
Get him into therapy and first of all get your assets secured.
As a hockey fan, I feel this. Sports betting is everywhere and it’s in everything and it’s very normalized.
It ropes in good people all the time.
Your husband needs help. He has an addiction and he needs treatment. If your husband broke his leg or had cancer medical treatment would be necessary and your goal. Addiction is a sickness of the mind. He needs help.
My elderly parents are gambling addicts. It is so hard to watch them–two people who should be comfortable–beg their kids for money because they blew away too much at the casino and now the electricity (for their McMansion) is being shut off.
It isn’t just a feeling of being dragged into it. You are being dragged into it.
I have a family member who is a gambling addict. Sports and betting is so insidiously and inseparably linked now, it’s impossible to get away.
Your husband has an addiction. You can give him all the access to resources you can, but he has to put in the work for it. Addicts lie. They minimise. He absolutely will mean it when he is sorry and swears to do better but he has to put in the work if he wants to get better. And it’s hard work – this is like any other addiction – you can’t force them. There may be relapses and he may become discouraged, but there are resources out there.
You just have to figure out if you’re willing to go down this path with him. If you’re financially linked you can stand to lose everything too. I personally would be giving ultimatums, this is a complete dealbreaker to me.
read about dealing with addicts.
your husband has left the room. you’re now talking to his addict self and you need to understand who that is before proceeding with him.
Your husband would never lie over money. His addict self will. Your husband makes responsible decisions. His addict self does not. Your husband will be honest with you and be open to change. His addict self will lie and resist change while giving the appearance of being reasonable and compliant.
You don’t know this person and you can’t trust this person. He can be helped but you have to understand addiction before you can fix it.