Im just another Asian woman. My life looks pretty normal. Good job, decent relationship, nothing dramatic.
But at night, when I’m alone, I end up watching porn that makes me hate myself after.
It’s always the same kind of stuff.
Asian girl, a white guy, and you know the rest. Sometimes it’s rough, sometimes it’s not, but it always feels wrong.
I don’t even like it. Or at least I don’t think I do.
But I still come to it. Hard. And then I feel gross.
I try not to think too hard about it. But it’s been going on for years.
Same search terms. Same videos. Same guilt after.
I’ve never told anyone. Not my boyfriend. Not friends.
I’ve started writing it down recently, just to get it out of my head.
I don’t even know why. It’s not for anyone. I just don’t know what else to do with it.
I don’t really have a point with this post.
Just wondering if anyone else has this thing where you keep watching stuff that messes with your head.
That’s all.
Comments
Guilt after climax especially after watching porn is quite common with men, not sure about women but you’re not strange.
doesn’t sound like there’s anything wrong with it??
It’s normal, and it’s hard to stop once you’ve started. You’re not alone though, I have something like that. although everyone has different variations of it, some of it good, some of it bad, it’s important to accept it and try to stop it if you dislike it enough.
Stop watching porn and Jackin you’ll be suprised how good you’ll feel. I’m a 23m and haven’t been jackin or watching porn in nearly two years now. It did more damage than any drug addiction I’ve ever had and still
Have. Trust me at the beginning it’s hard but overtime you won’t even feel like doing it. Plus the feeling you get knowing you controlled yourself for so long it’s good.
I read the first sentence, and I knew
I’m a really petite girl, I would watch videos of a petite woman and a much bigger guy. Sometimes those videos would be kinda aggressive or like even getting into weirdo territory. I steer clear of the videos with pigtails and anything in that realm, but yeah, I know the sense of shame. I weirdly want to feel represented? I get where it’s coming from for sure
As long as you’re not neglecting your responsibilities to touch yourself, there’s nothing to worry about. Masturbation is normal.
Is this a fictional story?
As someone who has a similar kink, and is a memeber of a community full of people with more extreme and weird tastes, I can assure you that there’s nothing to feel guilty of.
People can fancy about a lot of things, some of which may feel absurd, depraved, or even downright criminal, especially if you have vivid imaginations.
However, most of them can distinguish fantasies from reality, so those thoughts don’t make them any worse as a person in real life. It’s similar to how enjoying GTA V doesn’t prove that one has a violent nature or prone to be a criminal.
And different people have different kinks because it’s just a part of who they are. As such, we can only talk about things like compatibilities or safety when it comes to fetishes, instead of judging them by our own individual tastes.
I would recommend you to stop feeling guilty about your fantasies or trying to suppress them. Maybe you could even seek out those sharing your tastes if you like, because I know from personal experiences that it can feel so liberating if you managed find such a person or community where you can freely talk of such things.
> I don’t even like it. Or at least I don’t think I do. But I still come to it. Hard. And then I feel gross.
I suspect what you don’t like here might be you who like the things you think you shouldn’t, not those fantasies themselves.
As soon as you accept that you simply have some niche kinks like so many others do, which doesn’t have any bearing on your real life morality, you’ll be fine.
Damn… I thought it was just a guy thing… (Please be gentle if y’all going to shoot me)
Does it affect your relationship as far as your intimacy? I typically don’t engage in porn when I’m in a relationship to save the anticipation for when we’re together.
Otherwise you’d be surprised at what people like to watch, we all have preferences and mine aren’t vanilla to say the very least and often things I’d never be interested in doing in real life.
You’re more normal than you think!
I watch mostly videos where cnc is present (rape kink) and they turn me on so much but when I’m done I think back at it I feel disgusted. I’m a woman and every time I hear about that kind of thing irl I feel so much rage. I don’t know why I’m like this
read it instead. Makes me feel less icky