A guy at work, super conventionally attractive but also kind, smart, makes me laugh hard af. And I make him laugh hard too, like full on open mouth cackle. My flirting is mainly insults that he enjoys quite a bit. I feel so anxious and disregulated. I’m put back in to high school mindset where I’m always good enough to laugh and chat with but never the romantic prospect. I’m tall, black, and north of 190lbs and I just want to be desired by someone I also desire.
Anyone else have those feelings? How did you handle them? How do you regulate yourself?
Comments
I’ve been working on loving myself so damn much that all I worry about is if a potential mate is good enough for me, versus the other way around.
I’ve been exploring attraction so much this year and this disregulated / anxious feeling is so relatable.
I personally decided I want to move towards people who calm my nervous system, not shake it, no matter how attractive and seemingly amazing someone seems to be. If I don’t feel safe, I’m not going to invest. It seems like the body’s warning against something lol.
I regulate by not choosing to get closer.
And if it is someone at work, once that decision to let go has been made, it’s only a matter of time before things calm down.
On another note tho, is your fear of rejection presumed or has he actually rejected you?
I tend to avoid men I have a real crush on because I always make a fool of myself 🥲
Oh I so relate, I used to feel this way around a coworker too. I had to distance myself for a while, and also work on my self-esteem (therapy, journalling, self-help books, opening up to friends, dating – which sucks, but gave me enough external validation to realize the issue is actually me not finding myself attractive).
I interact with this coworker often now and don’t feel that way at all anymore!