College junior (20F) here. I have a crush on my professor and it makes me overly guilty. He’s physically attractive and has a degree and knowledge in the career field I’m pursuing. I spoke to him outside of class and he gave me the best possible advice that I’d been looking for about some academic concerns. He also let me know that I have a good head start on the class and thinks I should keep it.
I’m not in any delusional state where I assume he must be flirting or something. Though, my crush makes what should be a professional moment of guidance from an authority figure much harder to deal with. This is my first professor crush and it sucks. I am having idiotic feelings toward someone that I should only have a strictly professional relationship with. College is a professional setting and it’s on me to rid the unprofessional emotions. I thought I left teacher crushes in middle school. Honestly, any advice to squash it immediately is appreciated. I’m going to start with no more 1:1 talks (email correspondence only) until it subsides. I’m not going to act on it, obviously.
Comments
I think having a crush is harmless. It will fade overtime, just don’t act on it.
Isn’t it normal to have feelings like these if you see someone attractive and then they actually talk to you? Yes you need to draw a line too, but don’t go hard at yourself for just feeling how you want to about someone.
Remember that his job is to encourage you and to help you do good on your studies. He probably has a wife and kids at home that he’s doing this job to support.
Yo, don’t sweat it! We’ve all been there at some point. The good news? Most of these prof crushes are just part of the grind, and they tend to fade away. But here’s the kick: don’t run away from discussions just ’cause of this. Don’t let these emotions get in the way of your learning. After all, you came to college to learn, right? Just ride the wave, it’ll pass sooner than you think. These feelings are normal and human. They don’t make you unprofessional. How you HANDLE them determines that. Keep the convo professional, continue to learn, be open to discussion and you’ll be solid.
You’re going to make it louder by trying to avoid it and shaming yourself over it.
There’s nothing wrong with having a crush! Crushes are fun and exciting! There’s a MASSIVE difference between thinking/feeling things and acting on them! You’re a human and you’re going to have romantic or sexual urges towards a whole lot of different people throughout your entire life. This is normal and nothing to fear or be ashamed of!!
Enjoy the crush and don’t worry about it! It’ll eventually pass!
I had one. Thought about him all the time. Still think about him sometimes and I’ve been out of college a long time. He wasn’t good looking. He had no charisma. But he was genuinely kind to students and was so intelligent that it was actually insane. I was married when I took his class and I still had sex dreams about him. Like all crushes it faded after a while.
Stay focused on the professional side of things. Keep your thoughts to yourself until you’re completely alone. And since it sounds like it distresses you, don’t indulge. When you find yourself thinking about him go think about something else on purpose
You really wanna feed an old man’s ego?
Bot
I’ll go against the grain and say go for it. You only live once.
The only way to get over it is to bang him.
Lol been there, done that. It’s one of those things that you gotta let it pass, honestly. Just focus on the knowledge he’s imparting and not the man imparting it. Rmbr, crushes come and go dude, but the education you’re getting will stick with ya. Btw, kudos on being mature about it and not acting on impulse like some peeps out there. Chin up, keep grinding, and this too shall pass.
Gonna burst your bubble: You are not the first one to have a crush on him.
Saying you will not act on it, and actually not acting on it, are two different things.
Assume this guy is at least a decade older than you. Probably more.
At thirty, people change. What they want from life changes. You don’t know this yet, because you are only 20. You may be a very mature for your age 20, but any dalliance you have with this professor will only ever be that – a short term dalliance. Don’t waste your time – or screw your life up – going after him. Pursue your ediucation. Because an education will last. Longer than he will, if he’s caught dating (or snogging) a student. Your 20’s are for figuring out what you want. Not for getting hitched.
Back off. There’s room to dream; for sure spot the things in him that make you all gooey. And look for those same things in someone more appropriate and less controversial. Or skip the bullshit, and simply do what you are paying to do: Get educated. That gives you a lot more control over your future.
It’s actually quite common thing. Attractive teacher has a lot of admirer. But most people just don’t think too much of it, because you are there to study, and having romantic feelings towards your prof is just distractive,
I had a crush on a professor when I was in university & when I was done with his class, we made out.
No way to squash it, just it let fizzle out. It will, trust me.
Just don’t do anything stupid in the meantime please.
Wash his underwear, that will do it!
Suppression will only lead to negative side effects. Do what you have to do.
Why not just enjoy the crush? Life is for living and having fun, and crushes feel great. Just enjoy it! I’m sure he’s used to pretty young students fancying him, and I’m sure he loves and enjoys the attention (if not too aggressive)!
Use your crush to excel in his class. And yes, keep going to 1:1s and enjoying his time.
A crush is not a disease ffs.
It’s pretty normal to have a crush on somebody who you’re looking up to. I usually just enjoy it. Like having a crush is fun, even if you obviously don’t act on it. If I accept the fantasy, the need to do something about it gets less.
The easiest way to squelch out a crush on somebody too old for you is to fall in love with someone approximately your own age.
Tell him n he will crush it lol
You are already doing good by talking about your feelings and figuring out how to set boundaries. Now what you can also do is to make a list of how your teacher is different from the person you’re projecting those past feelings onto, like a parent or past lover. Don’t deny your feelings as they are normal
Crushes are normal. So is having an urge to body check the Karen standing in the middle of the grocery aisle and making zero attempt to move over to let you through.
It’s fine to fantasize about it a bit. It’s NOT ok to act on our baser biological urges. It’s also ok to roll your eyes at yourself a little bit for the strong desire that doesn’t fit your character… You don’t need to shame yourself, but you can stop yourself from going to a negative/unproductive headspace by telling yourself, “maybe body checking Karen there is a little drastic, brain. Let’s move on.”
Because mostly you’re stealing time from yourself if you’re over indulgent in fantasizing about things you know are wrong or unrealistic. It’s normal to do so, it’s unhealthy to overly indulge in it. In that regard, I think the people telling you crushes are fine and just enjoy it are as unhealthy as the ones telling you to make a move on your prof.