I have hit complete rock bottom. Last night I tried unsuccessfully to end my life. My mind is just so tired and I don’t think I can deal with one more thing without going completely insane. Today is my 30th birthday but I’m tired of living.
For starters, last week, my only family member was found dead of a drug overdose in skid row, Los Angeles. He’d been missing for 3 months and I had no idea where to find him as he was too paranoid to carry a cell phone. The coroner’s office said he died 3 weeks before his body was found.
2 days ago I had to bury my 15-year-old dog because she died under anesthesia at the vets while getting a tumor removed from her mammary gland.
On March 15th I found my now ex-husband and ex-best friend in bed together when I came home early from classes one day. They were the only two people I had in this world. His response? To block access from our credit cards and bank account so that I can have no money to eat or pay bills. That would have been fine but over half of the money in the bank was mine. The real kicker is she’s 3 months pregnant so go figure.
I no longer have nothing or no one to live for. My dog’s surgery was $973, which was my entire paycheck minus about $6.
I haven’t eaten in 4 days because I live in a small town where there are no available resources ( food banks, church distributions, etc) …except for Saturdays, which seems light years away. Being hungry is a hell of a shitty feeling that I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy.
I can’t handle any more problems and I don’t know what else to do. I can’t even afford city transportation to get to work, a pack of ramen noodles, nothing and my next paycheck is several days away. I have no friends I can turn to for help anymore because they were all in on my ex-husband’s secret so they’re dead to me.
I never in my wildest dreams thought I would end up in this situation. I work 40 to 60 hours a week, I’m in nursing school full-time and because of other people’s toxic selfish behavior my entire world has changed for the worst and I don’t have the energy to start over anymore. I’m not asking for money or pity or anything I just really really needed to get this off my chest.
Thanks for reading. šš»š
Comments
If the universe didnāt need you , you wouldnāt be here š nothing stays the same forever. Sending positivity your way!!
Praying for you! God has great things in store for you, just keep pushing through!
Dude I say this from the bottom of my heart. You are worth more than this. Fuck your ex and so called friend. The moment you lose your life they win! Don’t let them win! Phone your work/boss tell them your story and ask for help! You would be surprised by the kindness of your work colleagues!
I’m in ireland cheering you on! Life is tough but you are tougher God bless you!
Sending love
Wow, that is a lot! Please donāt pawn the ring. This is a season, not permanent. I am praying for you and your situation.
You gotta get a lawyer. I donāt think he can block access to all that money. Please stay around. Never lose hope. šš»
Well, fuck. God really did throw everything he got at you huh? Doesn’t mean we have to stop living though. Endings things is definitely a choice but is it the right one? The most important thing is, your job is intact. I would strongly recommend getting what’s yours from the credit cards if it’s a joint account. They can’t just cut you off according to their will. After that just cut contacts, and maybe go for a divorce cuz why tf do we want someone who cheats and people who cover up those behaviors in our life. Life is fuckin rough but you’re at rock bottom and you can only go up from here. My condolences for the dog’s and family member’s passing. We don’t deserve everything that happens to us in life. But we have to move forward. We make mistakes, we learn, we get fucked over and we learn again. All the best to you.
I canāt imagine everything youāre feeling. But please donāt make a permanent decision. Things can get better even if it feels the opposite right now. You matter and your life is important. You deserve to feel safe and loved and know happiness. Please donāt give up.Ā
You are in the middle of the hardest days of your life, but you can make it. Your situation is horrible but believe me when I tell you this — there are people in worse situations. Life is both beautiful and cruel. Bad people win and good people lose all the time. here is the thing about good people though– they remain good in spite of all the crap they have to deal with.
Fight for yourself. And if not yourself — fight for the people you will save once you become a successful, compassionate nurse with a wonderful husband (over 6 ft. tall) and a fancy car. But that’s all to be done later. Here are some tips for now:
Local fast food chains sometimes offer a free meal if you explain your situation ā a simple moment of vulnerability can bring out the kindness in strangers. Places like Panera Bread, Starbucks, or grocery stores often throw away bakery items or prepared foods at the end of the day. Itās okay to ask. There are also online communities that exist specifically for people going through hard times, like the Reddit subs r/Assistance or r/Food_Pantry. Many people have anonymously received food delivery gift cards from these spaces without shame or judgment. Another powerful option is checking out local āBuy Nothingā or mutual aid groups on Facebook. If you share your story honestly, you may be surprised at how quickly people respond with food, rides, or small cash gifts just out of human compassion.
The next essential step is staying hydrated. Start with water. If you have access to tea or broth, even better. Hunger is brutal, but dehydration will make your emotional pain even sharper and harder to manage. Once youāve gotten some food and water in your system, your body will slowly begin to come back online. After that, you need to rest. Right now, your mind and nervous system are under assault. Lie down even for just 20 minutes. Set a timer. No scrolling, no thinking about tomorrow, just let your mind and body power down. You may not fall asleep, but even resting your eyes and letting go for a moment can reset your emotional balance.
When you feel able, create a simple lifeline list. Write down three reasons to stay alive today. They donāt need to be big even āI want to pet a dog againā or āI want to finish nursing schoolā or even āI want to spite the people who betrayed meā counts. Write the names or numbers of three people or lifelines you could turn to in an emergency. That includes texting 741741 if you ever feel like youāre slipping and need to talk to someone immediately.
Make a solid plan for Saturdayās food distribution. Write down the location, the time, and what you need to bring such as an ID or grocery bag. Set an alarm. Getting there early and being prepared gives you the best chance to stock up. It might feel like forever away, but you only need to hang on a few more days.
In the meantime, explore temporary financial support options. Call 211 itās a free resource line that can sometimes provide things like transportation vouchers, emergency food stipends, or help with utilities. If your employer is someone you trust or if your workplace has HR, you can ask for a paycheck advance. Many places allow this for emergencies, and it doesnāt hurt to ask. Also, consider calling the vet who performed the surgery. Itās a long shot, but sometimes partial refunds are available when a pet passes under their care. That $973 might not be completely lost.
You should also consider seeking legal aid. Your ex cut off your access to shared financial resources, which is a form of financial abuse. Free legal aid clinics often connected to schools or community centers may be able to help you file a restraining order or an emergency motion to regain access to your funds. Even just knowing your options can make you feel less powerless.
Finally, let one professor or advisor at your nursing school know whatās going on. You donāt need to go into every detail just be honest that youāre in crisis and struggling. Many schools have hidden safety nets, like emergency grants, meal vouchers, or attendance leniency for students in extreme circumstances. You donāt have to do this alone, and there are people who can help but they need to know youāre hurting first.
please keep fighting!! i almost died a year and a half ago and getting to where i am now has been hell but itās been worth every second, and it may take a hell of a lot, but itāll be worth it for you too. you can contact 1-800-273-TALK (8255), or you can search for a crisis line in your area to call or text that may be more helpful. best wishes to you!
Let me just say that in 2023 I hit ROCK BOTTOM. And it took over a year to finally gain clarity around what happened and the why, and what the universe had planned for me. Iām so glad I held on. I know it fucking sucks right now, but I promise you if you carry on, thereās something beautiful on the other side of it. Write in a journal. Say your affirmations out loud (I am strong, I am healthy, I attract good things and people and abundance in my life). Take walks / box breathe when you feel overwhelmed. You are more than the actions of people around you. Let them do horrible thingsā¦they will feel shame underneath the surface. YOU will come out the other side. Nurses save livesā¦you have purpose. Find community through things you love. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, donāt give up ā¤ļø
I feel very much the same you do and have had numerous brick walls thrown my way this year as well. All I can suggest is that this is temporary. You seem to be a very kind and driven person who knows what they want to do and are working towards that goal. You will get through this and when you do you’ll be free of all the toxicity and be able to live for yourself. I’m currently in my “starting over” phase and I’m 38. I hate it and there’s so many things I beat myself up over or decisions/people that I’ve let bring me down. It’s all the past. All we can do is focus on the future and hopefully make decisions today that will set us up to be happy/successful and content.Ā I have an incredibly negative mindset and perception of myself.Ā Don’t let it win.Ā You got this.Ā Sending the best;)
Iām sending all my best thoughts and wishes for your recovery and better future. Iām so sorry youāre going through this. So many people are being tested at this difficult time. ššššø
Go to the nearest police station Salvation Army fire station anywhere you can to get help they said maybe help you get to a social services worker who can help you
Then sleep sleep can be your best friend make sure you drink lots of water and eat whatever you can even if it’s a jar of peanut butter take spoonfuls of peanut butter sometimes I do that when I feel this way and I can’t motivate myself to do anything else. But make sure you sleep.
Get a lawyer and please donāt be afraid to go to the psych ward if you really feel like a danger to yourself. Iāve been a few times itās not that bad. Plus theyāll feed you!
Iām sorry thereās nothing I can say to change your situation. I hope things change for you soon. Please hang on. Are there any churches nearby? Sometimes they can offer something; a meal, emotional support, a hugā¦
Best wishes to you.
Damn….all I can offer is just breathe. Unless you have addiction issues, (I hope not), this is rock bottom. No where to go but up. Learn, and do not repeat any mistakes you’ve made. Take your ex to court to get your money back. Only contact him through lawyers. You’ll have to look, but you can get advocates or pro bono law help. Now work on you. Do whatever you have to do to survive. But unaliving yourself won’t help. Get online and get some therapy. I’m sure your energy is low, but you’re going to have to dig your way out of this. As you know, no one is going to do it for you. I’d also get petty, and make sure his family, friends, and especially employers know what he did. Make him famous. Tell him you want all your money back, and some extra to get into your own place. It’s vengeance time. If you need someone to vent to, my DM is open. I’m no weirdo, or scammer. Just an old husband, father, and grandfather who has seen and been through almost anything life can throw at us. I’ve been at Rock bottom too. Whatever I can do, I’ll help.
Have you gone to any place of worship in town? Let them know your situation and you need food. I’m sure they can find you something
Call 988. Help is available to you.
you are loved. it will get better. i am so sorry for your losses. šøš¤ please stay on this earth – you are loved and valued by so many people you know and strangers like me.
I would talk to someone at your school. Sometimes they have food pantries for students. At the very least they may be able to give you food. Is there anyone in your class you trust that you can ask for help? If people youāre in school with knew your situation they would probably want to help! Schools want their students to graduate and if not having food or your basic needs met is a barrier to graduating they wonāt let that happen.
It’s so very true…there are so many compassionate people in the world, on the street, behind a counter….but you’ve got to say something so they know. please find a place to talk to someone. If this is that place GOOD! stay here then! you have some awful things happening now, almost unimaginable. sorting it out takes energy and I get it, you do not have it. but at least listen to what people are saying here about the legalities of your ex’s actions. some time down the road you will think back and see that he did you a big favor. I know, it’s hard to imagine right now, but time brings clarity and reason. you’ve got to give yourself some. you seem like a smart ambitious independent person with goals and a whole lifetime ahead of you. at almost twice your age I’ve had my awful life altering moments and did not want to go on. I just didn’t. Honestly I believe there is way more suffering and struggle in life than there is happiness. Once I realized that I just let the day come and go and pretty soon some of those days became lighter than the last. I am SO SORRY about your dog. You’ve really got it coming from all sides right now and I’m just so sorry! Nobody deserves this. Please reach out, people are good, there is grace and humanity around you…….
Churches only open on saturdays where you live??
I just sent you a DM. Please read it
See if your work place has an employee help line. Wishing you the best ā¤ļø
I’m in a very small town like 330 ppl thank God our food bank open mon to fri
And I love canada
Do you have access to a Buy Nothing Group on FB or Reddit in your area? I’m an admin for one here in Hawaii and we have members who ask for food donations and other things regularly. You’d be surprised by the giving nature of your community. Sending you aloha from afar. Take care of yourself.
Sending you some love, OP ā¤ š±
Praying for you, please donāt give up
Iām sorry that those horrible things happened to you but God sees everything and he says vengeance is mine, the people that hurt you will not get away with what they have done. Please read a bible, Jesus loves you.
You have moved me to tears. Please donāt give up. Take some of these suggestions from others and have faith that you will get through this and come out even stronger on the other side. Iām praying for you and sending you love and strength.
Take your time to heal and feel all your emotions because each one you feel is valid. I am so sorry you are going though this. I won’t pretend it will be easy, but please don’t ever give up. You are worthy and are here for a reason. It may not seem like it, but you WILL overcome this and pull through on the other side. Just be patient with yourself, and if you’re able to, try and seek some therapy. Sending you all my love š
Please talk with a staff member at your school and let them know what you are going through. A lot of schools have resources for students and can help when students are going through a difficult time. I wish you the very best as you get through this terrible time. Youāre here for a reason, and may your next birthday be the best thatās yet to come. I know itās hard, but I believe in you and you will get through this. This stranger is sending you all the strength and good vibes. One day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time. ā¤ļø
You have every right to be angry and hurt and sad. But, speaking as someone with a short life expectancy (brain tumor), you still have a life ahead of you and you will see better times. Pause in the sun, hear the birds, smell a flower. Inhale, exhale. Fuck them. You are strong. Greater suffering brings greater joy later. Please hang in there.
Wherever you are attending nursing school should have resources for food! Check with them, Iāve never seen a college that doesnāt offer assistance to students.
Does your school have a food pantry?
Youāre in my thoughts OP. you deserve a break. Iām sending you love xxx
OK, Op, those things are all a huge gut punch.
But that doesn’t change the fact that you are a good and valuable human.
Noone goes too nursing school if they don’t want to help people.
I’m so sorry about your cousin and your dog.
Your pup lived a happy long life with you, I totally believe all dogs go to heaven.
You have total strangers here on Reddit who do care for you, and will pray for you in their way.
You have a higher power who loves you and will help you through this. It’s a one day at a time deal.
Some fast food restaurants will give you some free food if you explain your situation.
Quietly tell your employer what has happened to you and see if you can get an advance in your paycheck.
Many times people will help out but you have to ask.
I will be praying for you every day.
Meet with every lawyer in town and hire someone vicious. They get paid when you get paid. Go to free therapy until you can afford pay therapy. Read reddit/divorce for moral support. You need to hang on for 3 more months and then re-asses. Go to food pantries for extra food. Legal Aid gives free law advice. R/assistance might send you a digital gift card to Aldis or Walmart for food. Hang on. Dont let him do this to you.
Feel free to DM if you need to need to chat. Sorry you had to deal with all of that.
This is called the dark night of the soul. Know that you have amassed the tools to deal with this crisis of your life being ripped from underneath you and now you are ready to shed your skin into a new era and closer to source energy. Basically, God only gives us what we can handle. The old you is gone. Don’t try to be that person anymore. Begin your new journey as a stronger woman with a shit ton of wisdom. You will get thru this and you will be ok. I trust deep down you know this. Right now you don’t have the energy. Fucking who would? Crawl into bed and sleep. Sleep. Sleep for as long as you like as your dreams work out your next steps. When you wake up you are this new person. You will be ok. If anything, know that I believe you are an amazing woman. Good luck to you.
Don’t give up. You’re so close to become what you dreamed of & it’ll be so worth it in the end. I’m praying for you…keep fighting