I know this is cruel, hence the unpopular opinion, but I don’t have the patience or desire to maintain friendships with people in abusive or toxic relationships. Usually it’s a female friend who ignores the glaring red flags in the beginning then allows the partner to interfere in our friendship. I will not be giving any advice that will be ignored or offering my couch to sleep in because she will most likely reconcile with him and continue the cycle. No I will not be excited when you inevitably get pregnant and no I do not want to be the godmother.
No matter what he does, they always go back. Leave me out of it.
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i wouldn’t say it’s entirely unpopular. your health, especially mental, is important too. sometimes you can’t help, and then you need to put yourself first. too often, the victim in relationships like that don’t want to be helped, because they believe things will get better
This isn’t really an unpopular opinion, it’s more-so just selfish. Anyone who picks and chooses when to be supportive to their friend isn’t genuine or worth having around
Alternate view: Why are you always the friend who’s not in any sort of relationship? 🧐
It’s a reasonable thing to separate yourself from things that aren’t good for you. But often, in typical abusive relationships, the abused partner is very much psychologically stuck in a cycle they can’t break alone. It repeats many times before that cycle is broken, if it ever is. Keep your distance but also keep your empathy.
I’m not sure how unpopular this is but its smart!
It takes an average of 7 attempts for someone to leave an abusive relationship. So yeah, a very cruel, unpopular opinion.
you’re not wrong for stepping away because at some point you may well become abused too. i’ve been friends with women in these types of relationships and their man will abuse them, but then i’ll become discarded by them due to their shitty relationship. they’ll continually ditch me for the same man they complain about but refuse to leave. then the relationship finally ends and then they’re back to themselves again with zero apology or acknowledgement for what they’ve put me through
not really unpopular. im not as extreme as you are, depending on how close the person i will tolerate some bullshit for them, but as soon as it’s starting to tax on my mental health im out. i’ll give advice, but if it’s clear they’re not taking it ill stop. i’ll offer support, but only if they ask for it. i won’t chase, and i have many boundaries, but i do try to help within my capacity.
Fair, and good. Prioritize your well-being, also nothing you say is going to convince them to leave anyway.
For some reason infidelity is a bigger boundary for people than getting hit is. So, if you want to break them up, hire a sex worker to seduce the abusive partner, collect evidence, and present it to the abused partner.
But look, that’s a lot of work. (I’m kidding btw, don’t actually do this)
“I desert my friends when they need me most because supporting them is inconvenient and does not benefit me”
It’s genuinely not as easy as seeing a red flag and walking away. There are huge psychological components within an abusive relationship that make it extremely difficult for victims to even recognize that they are victims, and that they aren’t crazy for picking up that /maybe/ they are in a bad relationship. Abusers usually aren’t abusers 100% of the time and the victim falls for the “good” side. It’s fair for you to put yourself first but a loss of a support system is another reason why victims stay
You cannot save those who do not want to be saved
I understand people in those relationships are stuck in a pattern, but there’s nothing I can do for them that won’t hurt me in the process. I had to leave a friend because they were in this type of relationship, KNOWING they shouldn’t have been, because how am I supposed to try and talk you out of a relationship once a week just for you to still be with them? Leaving might end up being the final push they need, who knows.
Yeah that’s unpopular. I would not want someone as a friend who would break up our friendship because they don’t agree with who I date
This
I feel the same way. And I’m on the other end of things. But by the same standard, I cut a friend off when they relapsed on drugs. Sorry, not adding that shit to my life. I also have children so nope
I agree with this. I was thrown away like trash by my best friend when she ran off with her abuser, left her kids wondering where she was. I had to tell the grandma. She decided that I betrayed her, and threw away a year long friendship for a man who repeatedly strangles her and has had her put in jail.
Bye.
I have no patience for people who make it their identity that they were abused. I also have no patience with people who go back to abusive partners, but that’s an even bigger unpopular opinion. My aunt was abused by every man she was with, went back to one ex husband after a ten year gap, had the audacity to say “I thought he would change” crock of bullshit.
Most times the abuser knows friends don’t stick around so isolating their victim becomes even easier. I understand putting yourself first, but try to understand WHY your friend can’t break the cycle.
I think as long as you are clear about your boundary to them that’s great to be protective of your own self, you’re not getting any of the positives of the relationship they have and so it can be hurtful to see someone you care about go through that.
I will reiterate, that if you are their friend, to be clear about this, otherwise you are just reinforcing things the abuser is saying, they will be isolating them from their support (you) and then using your break up as ‘proof’ that your friend is the problem and not the abuse they are experiencing, and also your friend would benefit from seeing you model boundaries and sticking to them.
Stop calling those people your friends, you aren’t a friend to them. You’re an acquaintance at best.
R/self style post again. Why people keep on treating this sub as a confession box? Really?
It’s hard to leave an abusive relationship if all your friends and a family have completely cut ties.
this is a perfectly fine opinion to have, but when all of your friends think this way and don’t talk to you because of the relationship you’re in it’s even more dangerous, and i’m saying this as someone who was in an abusive relationship from the age of 14/15 until very very recently
That’ll show em! Ghost them when they need you most!
Rage bait.. downvoted