I have severe body imagine issue and was in denial for years

I’m a 20f and this past year i’ve struggled horribly with my body image, I was on birth control for many years ano ended up gaining a lot of weight. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about my weight/body images.Some days I feel consumed by it. I hate myself. I avoid looking in the mirror, I don’t feel confident I feel disgusting in my clothes. I’m honestly disgusted with myself, I feel like I want to jump out of my skin. It’s changed the way my skin looks the dark purple stretch marks that fill my thighs. I avoid people I don’t want people to see me this way, I don’t want any part of my skin showing specifically my arms and stomach area. I feel guilty after eating. sometimes i catch my self being hungry and over eating and can’t get myself to stop then think about it later.

My entire life i was on the smaller side. I had even went to the doctor to ensure I was growing correctly. For pretty much this entire year I really thought this was a new issue, but honestly I think this is a problem i’ve been dealing with for most of my life, and i just completely suppressed it all. ( long history of mental health issue. )when I was a very young child probably 7 l chocked and then refused to eat for months, I was in and out of the doctors office. Then i just remained very small for all my life till now, but looking back now i enjoyed being skinny to much. I remember in hs I would just never eat i never brought lunch to school me and my boyfriend would go out to the mall and he would always eat but i never did. I ate very little maybe a snack and one meal day. I honestly never thought to much of my actions but im beginning to think this is a way deeper problem then just the last year. But I feel like being skinny was extremely validating to me i never once thought i was to skinny.